Monday, July 19, 2010

"And Like A Ghost I'll Be Gone"

Never in a million years did I ever imagine that a crazy-ass, annoying Beyonce song would be included in one of my "music months" but thanks to some drunk dialing by Mr. Baseball, well, here she is in all her spandex bodysuited glory.

Friday night, at around 1:30AM my phone rings. Now, I'd just walked into the apt about 10mins prior from Minnie's house, so I thought it was her calling to yell at me for not letting her know I'd gotten home safe. NOPE. There he was on my caller ID. And I know automatically one would assume booty call but actually, since we met, we've been speaking at odd hours of the night (I'm an insomniac/vampire, he's a computer/tech/whatever dude working for finance companies out of London and whatnot, so both of us keep weird hours).

I answer with my usual- "What's up?" and he's all, "Are you free?" to which I immediately roll my eyes. "Dude I just got home. I'm going to bed." And of course he tries to entice me over and I'm like, "NO. I'm home. I'm going to bed."

Then it begins:

HIM: You like me, don't you?
ME: Sure.
HIM: We like each other, right?
ME: Yes. What are you getting at? What do you mean?
HIM: I mean like, as in enough to be in a relationship.


To this whiny ridiculousness I had to respond: "That's not us. That's not what we're about." And it's not. We met in 2006 and have been on-again/off-again ever since. Three months ago we went out for drinks and had a serious talk. I told him I want the whole enchilada- marriage, more children, etc. He waved my statement away and was all, "Stop it. You don't need more kids!" So THEN I said- "Well then I guess we'll just never be a couple."

Clearly he either forgot or didn't believe me, because on Friday he was playing on my phone, not understanding why I didn't want to be in a relationship with him. And so I went into really serious, sound and definite reasons why he's too late. His rebuttal? "But you like me! And you like baseball! And I play baseball!" And that's when I realized, I'd just been drunk-dialed.

*deep sigh*

Listen, I'm not going to act all innocent here. For the longest time I told him I didn't want a relationship, never wanted to get remarried and couldn't wait for my kids to leave home. But that was years ago and I've changed. I realized that I would love to be married again- this time in LOVE w/my husband!- and more kids would actually make me happy. I'm not in love with him but he's been the one constant in my life since my divorce and I figured I'd start with him. We knew each other well. I could be happy and satisfied (maybe perhaps not really but maybe) with just him for the rest of my life. Our babies would be beautiful little athletes!

When I came to him with this? He shot me down. So what the fuck- I'm supposed to not move on with my life?

Well, negro, you've had four years to make me yours and you've done nothing to move this along. I can't help you now. You're too late. I'm over it and have placed my focus elsewhere. "If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it..."

"The audacity of some bitches!" (c) Tiffany Jackson

*smooches...really hoping he finds happiness. Elsewhere.*
I mean, a girl can only wait so long before she gives up the ghost...not my fault he missed the bus, right?