Friday, October 13, 2006

On A Lighter Note...(well, not really lighter, but, well, you'll see...)

Another divorced friend of mine, also unfamiliar with butterflies and all that shit has an ex that is just begging for a good ole fashioned beat down from yours truely. Here's a letter I wrote the ex, for your viewing pleasure:

Dear Puta Face,

It has come to our attention that you have recently taken it upon yourself to make our client, Jack, miserable, inundating him with accusatory emails and using your children as pawns in a sick game of "Watch Me Ruin Your Life." I'm not sure what your intentions are with this relentless and vindictive harassment of our client, but I assure you that we, at the offices of Kicking Ass andTaking Names, are not pleased with the course of action you have chosen to take.

My associates, Q-Dog, Ray-Ray and J-Bird, and I insist that you cease and desist from this campaign of terror you have undertaken. It would be in your best interest to resist any urges you may have to point fingers at, tell half-truths about or cause more stress, financial and/or emotional, to our client.

You have ten (10) days to withdraw any libelous statements written to or said about our client before we take action. If you choose to ignore this letter, we will be forced to handle the situation using all of our available resources here in New York City, and with the help of our affiliates in Chicago, IL.

We hope you will reconsider your options in this matter, if not for your children, then for your own safety and peace of mind.

Warm regards,
Raquel I. Penzo
President and CEO,
Kicking Ass and Taking Names, Inc.
"When Your Ex Just Won't Let You Be..."
572 Greene Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11216

back back back in the dark of your mind
where the eyes of your demons are gleaming
are you mad mad mad about the life you never had
even when you are dreaming