Sunday, October 01, 2006

Adventures in Money

New York City.

My love-hate relationship with you continues.

I can't seem to keep up with my money in this city. And it's driving me to drink and over-eat...I fear the fate of my new lighter, cuter bod in the face of financial difficulty. Of course, it's made worse by the onset of PMS and the stress of having one of my papers and a revised short story rejected (it seems my reign of literary genius has come to a halt). But it escalated when I realized I was only working 2 days last week and my rent was due.

And it looks like maybe this week I'll only be working 2 days as well. I wonder if ConEd and Keyspan and Verizon Wireless and Cablevision will mind not getting their money this month...and I wonder if it's a long walk from Boro Park to Midtown, since I probably won't have enough money to buy a metrocard...and I wonder if my nanny will mind bartering this month...

There are things in the works in the future to help alleviate my stress- after my divorce is final my ex will have to pay monthly child support payments that will help a lot; I have a refund from school coming in mid-October; I have a few freelance gigs that should keep me afloat through October/November; when I graduate I will be qualified to teach on the college level- but in the meantime I must survive on what my ex can afford to throw my way, my temp salary, and hmmm... not much else except the complete sympathy and understanding of the utility companies who continue to supply me with light and gas and internet access and phone service based on my past as a loyal and prompt customer. But I'm sure even Verizon has their breaking point.

Times like this I wonder if I would do better financially somewhere else. But then I realize that while the money might be better, my emotional stability will be at stake. And folks, we all know I'm hanging by a thread as it is. My Bellvue suitcase is still packed and ready to go at a moment's notice...

i wonder if everything i do
i do instead
of something i want to do more
the question fills my head
i know there's no grand plan here
this is just the way it goes
when everything else seems unclear
i guess at least i know