Thursday, May 09, 2013

What I Learned Last Night

My mom raised me to be an independent woman who could do for myself. To never need anyone and to always know how or find a way to keep a roof over my head and food on my table, by myself. And I've always prided myself on achieving just that. Not only do I bring home the (uncured, grass-fed organic) bacon and fry it up in the pan, I know how to unclog my tub, fix a leaky toilet, troubleshoot my computer, patch up a hole in the wall, build Ikea furniture AND cut a motherfucker's throat if he TRIES IT. Who needs a man? My Mami taught me to do for me! I don't need anyone!

I decided after my divorce that if the mythical ONE ever presented himself to me, he wouldn't be someone I needed because remember: I don't need anyone. He'd be someone I WANTED. And I figured that should be enough for him, right? Because to be wanted is a gazillion times better than being needed, right?

But here's the thing--WANT turns into NEED. Did you know that? I didn't know that! Completely took me by surprise. All of a sudden, you're minding your own business and the thought pops up: I DO need someone. And not to fix shit or pay bills, but to be a soft, safe place for me to land. You know who had that? My Grandma. Papi was her soft, safe place to land, and they had a cool marriage. She cursed him out, he laughed it off; it was perfect.

Last night over drinks and nachos (yes, I had nachos. Shut up.) and relationship talk, I realized that what Papi and Grandma had, I want.


Wait- is this what grownups talk about? AM I FINALLY A GROWNUP?!

*smooches...finally getting some of that wisdom I was promised*
youth is really wasted on the young...