ME: I think I'm a cougar :(
FRIEND: Why? You don't even like sex.
ME: Wait- is he gonna want sex? OH LAWD!
FRIEND: Yes.. lots of it
ME: But... my back!!! *weeps*
FRIEND: You could always just lay there
ME: Did you just tell me to Kim Kardashian my way through sex?
FRIEND: Look where it got her!!
*smooches...I might need new friends*
who just lies there in the bed like a dead fish?!