Tuesday, December 07, 2010

Cougar Status Not Wanted. Gracias.

I was having a conversation with a friend last month about the frequency with which she’s hit on by younger men. I, too, have been on the receiving end of that sort of attention. While it’s fun and cute and flattering, I already know going into any situation with a younger man that it’s only temporary and therefore I don’t take it seriously. And maybe that’s the wrong attitude to have but that’s where my head is right now.

See, these young bucks only see Raquel or Jaded as a stand-alone entity when in fact she’s a multi-faceted package that includes kids and a close-knit network of family and friends that nine times out of ten will come before any man. And the mood swings, LAWD JESUS you have no idea about what it takes to stay in my good graces. It's work. LOTS OF WORK. Your age might just work against you when Jaded McMooderton is around.

When younger men approach me with their little invites to go out, all I’m thinking is “I’d never want you around my kids or my mother.” Chances are that’s what they’re hoping, too, but to me it’s just not worth it. If we’re not building towards something permanent what’s the point of all the countless movies and dinners and sex sessions? The idea of dating and fucking for dating and fucking’s sake just stopped looking cute to me. It occurred to me that perhaps it was never cute and how stupid and foolish and slutty I must have appeared to have jumped from dude to dude as if they were disposable underwear.

Sure, one could argue that there is a twenty-something man out there that is wise beyond his years, doesn’t live at home, can be a head-of-household and the in-house father figure to my impressionable daughters (not to be confused with an ACTUAL father, which they already have, thank you very much; so don’t come up in here thinking you’re the boss of them n shit...I digress). And if that is your argument, please, let me show you this nice selection of bridges I have for sale…if you act now I’ll throw in a rainbow unicorn and a trip to the Lost City of Atlantis.

It's become plain to me that I prefer older men. The ones I’ve been dating since I was old enough NOT to date (did I mention that when I was twelve I was “involved” with a much older man? The thought of it makes me cringe now, but back then you couldn’t tell me nothing!). I don’t know where the fuck they are right now, though; probably out dating twenty-something year-old women... but if you find one that isn’t messed up in the head about women and maybe wants one more baby, give him my URL.

I refuse to become this caricature of myself, this 'cougar' so many joke about. I'd like a real man, please. Of the grown-up variety.

*smooches...changing my 'list' everyday*
I swear the only constant in my 'list' is that I don't know what I want lol