Friday, April 20, 2007

N.'s Thoughts on Cloning...and Other Musings

Sorry, But I Don't Yolato on the Third Date
Mr. DJ and I enjoyed each other's company on Monday night at the Olive Tree Cafe and bantered back and forth over a platter of falafel and hummus. Then, out of nowhere he had the audacity to suggest dessert- the Yolato (yogurt + gelato) place across the street. Doesn't he know that I have TWO BRIDESMAID'S DRESSES to fit into. And more importantly that I've sworn allegiance to Häagen Dazs' Butter Pecan Ice Cream for all eternity? He's lucky he's cute...and smart...and tall...

That's Why You're Ugly!
I'm doing you a favor, coming up in here and writing about your establishment so that more customers will want to come why the funky attitude? Unnecessary!

"Do You Agree with Cloning? Why or Why Not?"
N. replies to K.'s homework poll with an astounding: "No, because then there will be too many people." That's my girl. The Girl Army slowly advances and The Enemy doesn't even know it! HA!

PMS Week at Casa Penzo: Foods of Fury
What I've ingested in an effort to calm the symptoms: Burger King, McDonald's, Mexican food from my local place three times within a five-day period, Nilla wafers, crunchy cheese doodles, chicken wings from the Korean deli and N.'s belly. The PMS gods must be appeased lest I perish!!

Well Wishes and All That Crap
•To Irene who had a baby (4/2, Olivia) and will have a wedding anniversary (4/22, 2 years) all in one month.
•To Deb who survived "panel" and can now brag that she has her MFA.
•To Megan who had a birthday...but I forget the date.
•To Lani who will have a birthday next week.
•To my auntie in DR who's turning 50 in a Fiesta Extravaganza that I unfortunately cannot attend.
•To the earth, because Earth Day is Sunday and I get to go see Mikey B. give his PLANYC speech at the American Museum of Natural History for work.

"I Was a Dork Then, But Look At Me Now!"
Someone I allegedly bullied in the 6th grade found me on and left me this message with his phone number:

From: Wayne Carter (view profile)
To: ME
Sent: April 19, 2007 04:24:31 PM
Subject: Hi, from Wayne !
Are you the one who stayed making fun of me all the time. I have been trying to contact you for years. I thought your last name was Perez. We were in the 6th grade together. (917) 881-XXXX.

I responded with my oh-so-sensitive:

From: ME(view profile)
To: Wayne Carter
Sent: April 20, 2007 06:24:41 AM
Subject: RE: Hi, from Wayne !

I can honestly say I have zero memories of you. If I teased you, sorry, but we were kids so I really hope you haven't been trying to find me just to air grievances- that's such a waste of time.
Anyway, hope all is well.

His bad luck that he decides to write me during PMS week. Part of me is tempted to call- what could he possibly want with me? Should I call??

Minnie Wears Magnetic Slippers- And She's Buying the Mattress Cover, Too!
My nut-job cousin just confessed her adoration of Gary Null, much to my chagrin, and I just can't bring it up enough, especially after reading this article on the "doctor" found on none other than The amount of teasing this will allow me when dealing with her is endless, and I can't wait until she reads this post and sees that the pestering has begun!! HA!!

You Better Answer Your Damn Phone; Alec is Calling!!
I bet you Ireland learned her lesson: the Baldwins are mad gangsta and when they come a-callin' you s'posed to answer the G. D. phone. Don't make him have to fly out there and straighten yo ass out!! You rude, thoughtless little pig!! I'm just saying...

* a magnet-free zone*
don't fool yourself
into thinking things are simple
nobody's lying and still the stories don't line up
why do you try to hold on to
what you'll never get a hold on
you wouldn't try to put the ocean in a paper cup