Attending those Penzo parties always fill me with anxiety. I never feel at home with them. I feel like such a phony among these people. I don't belong with them.
My Penzo Grandmother's birthday also brings up memories of my REAL grandmother, whom we called GrandMami, and how SHE should be here with me, seeing how great we all turned out and how big and smart and awesome her great-granddaughters have gotten. I miss her so much. Every day without fail.
Those Penzos were never checking for me when I was little. It was All GrandMami Everything. So I don't feel not one iota of guilt for missing that party. That old broad will be just fine without me, just like she has been her whole life. Besides, I'm too busy mourning my loss this week to care about anyone else.
|GrandMami y yo, celebrando las navidades
Not a millisecond passes that I don't miss her sweet agua-florida-and-old-face-powder scent. Not a single solitary millisecond.
*besos...just for grandma today*
"I cry a lot because I miss people. They die and I can't stop them. They leave me and I love them more." -Maurice Sendak (1928-2012)