Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Ciao, Bello!! Ciao, Bella!!

On a recent visit with my Penzo Grandmother (whose name, I just learned, isn't even Penzo because she was never married to the Penzo Grandfather...CHILD...scandalous!) I happened to ask the question I've been meaning to ask my whole life: What the hell kind of name is Penzo anyway?

I don't know any other Latinos with that name (that aren't already related to me) and when I've Googled my name in the past, I just get a bunch of Italian people. And now I know why.

Way back when, a Sicilian Penzo did the horizontal watusi with some locals on the island of Hispaniola and KA-BLAMMY! Now you have to deal with my American-Dominican-probably-Haitian-not-at-all-Trini-and-now-Sicilian ratchet ass.

This flag is weird. Yeah, I said it!
All of a sudden things make sense. Like this Romanesque (translation: BIG) nose we all have. Or the fact that my Italian teacher in high school kept insisting that my name was not Spanish. Or that time some random Italian guy hit me up through a genealogy site asking if we were possibly related because he was tracing his family line and it lead him to me (I told him "Nah, bro, my people are darker than a muggg and they're all from DR!").

Does this mean I will be grand marshal of the Columbus Day parade in New York City? Fuggetaboutit! You already know how I feel about that Eurotrash and his harbingers of oppression. Does it mean that from now on you should check under your covers for the heads of your beloved pets before you turn in for the night?


*smooches...buying a shiny, pinstriped suit and fedora*
also, I'm gonna need another flag for my collection.