Monday, October 10, 2011

Where I Won't Find My Future Husband

1- At "industry" events. Not that I'm a big time, hobnobbing, networking superstar of NYC, but I usually find myself at events hosted or frequented by people who think they fit this category. And let me tell you- a lot of the men that run in this circle are either gay, already boo'd up or so full of themselves that I get turned off. And the available ones? Yeah, they're ugly.

2- At work. First of all, never shit where you eat. That's the golden rule, son, and after last year's hard knock life I'm not trying to jeopardize my paycheck at all. Secondly, the people who frequent my job... well, to put it kindly, if they're there in the middle of the day chances are they are unemployed or poor college students. Ummm, I already know how to be broke so, yeah...

3- Working out. Every class I take is estrogen heavy and I have no intentions of switching sides anytime soon. Besides, if you saw what I looked like in an exercise class you'd back away slowly from the Latina hot mess.

4- In my neighborhood. This demographic is about 65% Muslim/Bengali/Indian, 25% varieties of Caucasian (old and new) and 10% Mexican. [insert side eye here] Need I say more?

5- In my apartment on the couch. Which is where I spend 75% of my time. And if I did find a man in my apartment chances are he'd be dead before he could propose because HOW THEEE FUCK did he get in and wasn't he aware of the knives I keep around?!

So I suppose if I just place myself anyplace other than these five places I might have a chance at finding a mate before gravity completely takes over my, *ahem* body.

*smooches...not really looking anyway*
since I decided to give up on the baby dream I'm in no rush whatsoever to meet anyone. no rush at all.