Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Truth About Motherhood

Most days you will not like your children. You will look them in the face and ask yourself what kind of fool were you to have birthed such creatures. You will fantasize about something that will suddenly leave you childless, and then you will feel guilty about it because you're not supposed to have those feelings and "they didn't ask to be born."

Most days you will find yourself packing a bag to just up and leave and say FUCK THEM and just start over where no one knows you and having kids is against the law.

Most days you will understand that true human nature is violent and beastly, and can relate to the mothers on death row.

And every day you hope that in the end the suppression of your desire to leave or kill them pays off, knowing that there's only a 50-50 chance your wish will come true. But peer pressure and public scrutiny is a bitch, so you trudge on, play the role of mom and wait to see what happens. Because you're told you're supposed to love these little people for the simple fact that they're yours. Sometimes, though, and other parents might be afraid to tell you this but I'm not, you just don't. You tolerate them because that's your job, and if you do anything other than be a mother to your children you become persona non grata on the planet.

Once in a while something nice happens and you're all rainbows and unicorns and over the moon about your kids, but if you tally up the good and bad times you'll realize what a horrible investment you've made. Horrible, terrible, no damn good.

If I were you, oh childless one, I'd tie my tubes today. TWICE.

This is my fault for trying to live forever...

*smooches...trapped in a hell of my own design*
and warning you to not end up like me! I'm officially cured of my baby fever; of that you can be sure.