Thursday, October 11, 2007

I Left YOU, Remember?

When it comes to my divorce, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that it was the right thing to do. Maybe I should have done it sooner- that's the only minor regret I have there- but otherwise I'm 100% happy and satisfied with my decision.

So when my ex-husband announced that he met someone and it has bloomed into a serious relationship, sure it made me feel like a loser for not having someone myself, but I never begrudged him his girlfriend. I'm glad he found someone. Now my guilt over dumping his ass can just melt away. And now when he has other family emergencies or "down days," or when his diabetes gets a hold of him, it can be HER problem and not mine. When he emailed me a meek little email to tell me about his woman, I remember thinking: THANK YOU JESUS- I'm FREE!!!

This weekend Bryant Park is hosting Culture Fest, an event we used to attend as a family, and he asked what day I was going because he was going to go on Saturday with his girlfriend and didn't want things to get awkward.

For whom, sweetie? Maybe for you. Or her. And yeah, probably for the girls. But PU-LEESE do not worry your pretty little head over bumping into me when your lady is around. I am soooooo not hatin' on her my dear, because I still have very vivid memories of what I left behind.

And while I'm still swimming in the murky waters of casual hook-ups, pining over the dude I dated after you and strutting around in faux-relationships with dudes I've met in bars and on the internet, I would not go back to that for all the tequila and tostitos on the planet.

So please. Don't worry. It's okay to bring her to Bryant Park. Yes, I did get New York City (and Montauk!) in the divorce settlement, but you still have visitation rights!

* my life 99.9998% regret-free*
forgive me if i laugh
you are so sure of love
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.

the rain exploding
in the air is love
the grass excreting her
green wax is love
and stones remembering
past steps is love,
but you. you are too young
for love
and i too old.

once. what does it matter
when or who, i knew
of love.
i fixed my body
under his and went
to sleep in love
all trace of me
was wiped away

forgive me if i smile
young heiress of a naked dream
you are so young
and i too old to learn of love.