Thursday, July 14, 2011

Recalculating: A Healthy Jaded Update (Again)

Here's the thing- I don't like boot camp fitness classes so I'm not going to do them anymore. There, I said it.

I thought it was because I'm lazy (which I am- that's still true) but I just really don't like them. They're pretty much a series of hard-for-no-damn-reason exercises without a point. However I thought I HAD TO do them because how else am I going to lose this weight and firm up this body, right?

But then came the injuries. And the stuff I had to do to recover from these injuries. And it was nothing super-serious but I could already see where this was going. So to all that bullshit I had to finally say, "Fuck boot camp! There has to be a better way!"

Maybe some of you thrive on that kind of workout- running on the treadmill to nowhere; doing push-ups while someone stands over you and says, "Push through it!" Or maybe you find happiness squatting with a medicine ball in tow until your knees disconnect from your body with a, "Fuck you, I ain't doing this shit no more!" Not I! It's not fun. It hurts. And most importantly: IT'S NOT WORKING.

I mean yeah- if we're being 100% honest, it worked a little in the beginning. Boot camp classes most certainly prepared me for this total health mission I'm on, but I do believe this is my stop. Jane, get me off this crazy thing!!

My point is this: I can no longer subject myself to these new millennium torture sessions. If I'm going to sweat like Patrick Ewing and put my muscles through the ringer, then I need the exercise to be functional and fun. Purposeful. I love Pilates because it's not just about physical fitness- it's about being in tune with every tiny bit that makes up my body. And I love Socacize because the music and movement actually bring me joy. And I love boxing because the form and technique we're learning is a skill every Brooklynite should have.

Everything else only exists to ruin my life. Dramatic? Perhaps. But you know I'm right. No one in their right mind ever came home after boot camp and said "WOO DOGGY! Those scissor kick sit-ups will really come in handy when I'm..." and of course you can't finish the sentence because THEY WILL NEVER COME IN HANDY! It's like making a writer take calculus- WHEN WILL I EVER USE THIS KNOWLEDGE?

But if I'm in tune with my body I'll know how to take care of it, and I can use my soca-dancing skills at Carnival. And I'm already a mean-ass bitch, but a mean-ass bitch with a deadly right hook? That's something to aspire to!

So yeah, fuck boot camp. I'm breaking up with it. In fact, I've already deleted boot camp's number from my phone...

*smooches...still working out the kinks of my new life*
this might take a while...