Thursday, October 28, 2010

And The Oscar Goes To…

I don’t know if I mentioned this before at other Jaded Empire meetings, but I plan to EGOT.

(And for you losers that aren’t hip to the genius of 30 Rock yet, to EGOT is to win an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony.)

This could jeopardize my plan to remain behind the scenes and not deal with all the pitfalls of fame, but while watching Brothers & Sisters this week I was gifted a sweet, motivational nugget that helped push me in my endeavors:

“You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.”

Isn’t that just the most PERFECT advice ever? I’m such a planner. Like, seriously, my whole life consists of TO DO lists and day planners and frankly, tons of disappointment when things don’t go as well as they do on paper.

All that to say: I want to do great things in the entertainment industry. I want to write books that fly off the shelves; movies that sell out box office and make you think; songs that stand the test of time; TV shows that have killer Nielsen ratings; productions that rule Broadway for years ala Cats. I want all of that for the Jaded Empire, and this might mean that my plan to live a quiet little life as a writer on the top floor of a brownstone in Brooklyn hidden away from the world might not be feasible.

With this realization in mind, I’ve been practicing acceptance speeches- who do I thank? Should I be funny, crass, Jaded? What should I wear? I’ve also been practicing being interviewed by Barbara Walters, Ellen, Letterman and even my nemesis, Oprah. I practice being on Regis & Kelly, The Today Show and sure, if his show is still around, I’ll even sit and chat with that big-headed beaner, George Lopez.

I do this to make sure I won’t embarrass myself, my family and to prepare for the difficult questions about my father, the leaked naked photos and my past with drugs and alcohol. I’m getting ready for all of it.

I’m a planner, after all, and even though this was never a path in my original dream chart it’s a necessary evil for the life I know is waiting for me.

Now all I need is a stylist...

*smooches...kind of psyched to meet Ellen*
I’ve been following her career since she was the receptionist on the TV Show Open House.