Monday, March 15, 2010

The Y-Chromosome Always Knows...And Other Musings...

My weekly installment of, "I'm still here just ain't got much to say to y'all right this minute." It will probably go on for all of March and maybe April. Hope you're finding other stuff to do with your spare blog-reading time :P

Another Reading You're Probably Gonna Ignore
I've come to realize that a lot of people only support my efforts in theory while the rest of you probably send me evil, hate vibes. That only leaves a tiny percent that are ride or die. It's cool, though. Here's some more shit to hate on:

Be there or... oh who am I kidding...I'm starting to care less and less if you come out to this shit anymore. Do with this information what you will.

I Have A Lot Of Guy Friends
And while I consider them to be just that- friends- a lot of you out there are of the impression that platonic relationships between men & women are not possible. Oh yeah? Well let's take it to the airwaves on tonight's Mars vs. Venus segment of Monday Musings.

My co-host tonight is a dear blogging pal, C-Recks of Brothers' Blog, and we'd definitely like to hear everyone's thoughts on this here topic. And no, not just in the comments, but on the show. Stop being babies and tune in!

The Y-Chromosome Always Knows
Ladies- you ever have those days where you're feeling down and out, thinking you'll die alone and no one will ever want to date you again, and then BOOM! That ONE ex you didn't ever want to hear from again calls you, almost like he KNEW you were in a vulnerable place?

Yeah, that's because he DID know. See, men have this sort of "Spidey sense" that picks up on you feeling at your lowest so that he can swoop in and play with your emotions allllll over again. They can also use this Spidey Sense to detect when you're about to delete their contact information from your phone, move on to someone new or are feeling especially horny.

Protect yourself, ladies. Knowing is half the battle!

No, You Cannot Guest Blog. EVER.
For those of you who read The F$%k-It List's and Smarty's World's blogs, you know that we've sort of teamed up to do a type of Blogging Etiquette for those of you not in the know. This week, I'm here to educate you on the AUDACITY of asking someone (read: ME!) if you could be a guest writer on their site.

Here's the deal. Unless someone puts the word out looking for blog contributions, DON'T ASK THAT QUESTION. Especially if the blog in question, like mine, is a personal blog. People don't visit the Jaded NYer to read Joe Schmo's words. They come for The Jaded NYer's words. GET YOUR OWN FUCKING BLOG!

And don't try to sugar-coat it with, "I'm just tryna get my feet wet in this blogging game" because THAT, kind sir, will get you NOWHERE. Fuck I care whatchu trying to get wet? Take that shit over to St. Elsewhere because HERE, at The Jaded NYer [dot] net I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED IN THE POOL.

My Kids Should Have A Reality Show
On a dare, I approached my kids with a little prank that went something like this:

ME: Ladies, I need to speak with you. As you know we're in a recession, money is tight, I'm not working as much and, well, we're gonna have to let one of you go.

K, you have to leave.

Why me? You're only in 4th grade. I'm the one who goes to [insert name of prestigious specialized high school here].

Yeah, but I'm the one going to college!

I really can't make this stuff up!

*smooches...crawling back into my cubby-hole of despair*
yup. that's pretty much where I've been these last few weeks. and no, there's nothing you can do about it, but thanks for asking.