Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Selfishness Of Being Late

In my other life, long, long ago, I used to watch Oprah on Tuesdays when she had Dr. Phil on as a recurring guest. I'm not proud of it but this is a place where I spill my guts and you thrive on it so there it is. I used to watch Oprah on Tuedays to see what nuggets of wisdom Dr. Phil would spew out in that Texas drawl of his. I lived for it!

On one of these Tuesday shows, Dr. Phil was "counseling" this woman who suffered from chronic lateness, an affliction I am also cursed with. What he said to her has stayed with me my whole life: being late is a side effect of selfishness. He told her that she put her needs and wants ahead of anyone else's time, and therefore didn't deem it important to ever be prompt for anything.

I hate to admit it, but as I sit and analyze the events which lead up to me being late for events throughout my life I realized that Phil was right. It was always a case of I needed ten more minutes of sleep or I wanted to finish watching a show or I wanted extra time in the shower. I'm that person that does the fun stuff first as opposed to finishing up my work and then enjoying a treat. If I did things the other way around my lateness would cease to be an issue.

For example, if I would take the time to prep my clothes the night before I'd never be late for morning appointments. Or if I handled assignments in a timely fashion, prioritizing them, then I wouldn't miss deadlines. But instead all I end up doing are the fun things that can really wait. Like watching movies on Netflix or playing around online. Sometimes I see myself squandering time and try "pep-talking" myself into action: "Raquel! Get off the computer and into the shower or you're going to be late!" It never works, though. I just get caught up in something else, tell myself to fuck off, and then get mad when I'm scrambling to get someplace on time.

I saw my mom do it when I was growing up, I do it all the time and now I see my kids picking up the same bad habits of being late. Getting out of the house, all three of us, is pure craziness.

This Saturday I was late, yet again, for my reading, and it was a TERRIBLE feeling. I'm not proud of the fact that people were waiting on me. I started the day on schedule and then little by little I fucked it up. I played online, I hadn't planned out my outfit, my hair was a mess and before I knew it I was running late. And I think this was the last straw for me.

I don't want to be known as the person who's always late anymore. The jokes are getting old and really starting to bother me. It will be a struggle to break this nasty habit- selfishness is an addiction like any other, trust me, and the road to recovery will be a long one.

All I ask is that all of you have a little patience with me as I work hard to overcome my selfish behavior. Please and thank you.

*smooches...kinda late with this post, le sigh*
but tomorrow is another day. I will do better tomorrow. Promise.