Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Unfinished Business... Must Be What's Got Me Down

I should be in a better mood these days (for reasons that are NUNYA) but NOPE... that damn gray cloud is right there, above my head, waving n shit like we're homies. And I can't shake it.

I was thinking it's the weather- it's going to rain all freakin week- and that perhaps I should invest in a light therapy box, but when I googled them they were crazy expensive. I may need a doctor to sign off on it so Oxford can pay for it.

(Oh, didn't I mention? I had to ditch Empire BC/BS because they raised premiums and lowered my options. In my book that equals BOO!)

So all day I've been exploring what has me in such a funkity-funk, and The Voices have informed me that it's a combination of:

1- My MFA Thesis: I really don't know why I can't make myself finish it. And before you all respond with "Just do it already" that's all well and good in theory, but when I sit at the computer to work on it I just plumb don't want to. So please accept that this is something I just need to come to terms with on my own, and it will happen when I'm ready for it to happen.

2- Capital One, Juniper Bank, CitiBank and Sallie Mae: DEBTS, DEBTS, DEBTS. I don't think I need to explain WHY this sits heavy on my soul.

3- Doctor, Doctor: I've been putting off an appointment with the dentist and my regular doc to get a few things straightened out and verified and X-rayed, etc, and much like the thesis, I keep putting it off. But again, like the thesis, it's something I just have to get to in my own time, when my brain is ready to accept the reality of what is happening to my body.

4- WORK, ARGH!!!: It's no secret that I've been looking for something else, since the industry I currently work for is a soul-stealing devil in a blue suit. Finding the right mix of salary, flexible hours and compatibility has been extremely difficult. So much so that I blame all my new gray hairs on my job search.

5- Media Empire: All my lofty goals to be the Dominican Oprah? On pause. I wrote out an awesome 5yr plan... and then proceeded to ignore it. Sad, right? And then I put Monday Musings on hiatus and didn't realize it would cause me to suffer from something I can only imagine as similar to Empty Womb Syndrome. THEN I began suffering from writer's block.

THEN my brain exploded and spilled all over my sofa. So now I need a new sofa. But who has money for a new sofa? I can barely keep my rent paid and my phone on...

So yeah... I think I have every reason to get moody. I dare you to say no!

*smooches...even though I'm feeling crappy*
no fair to deny you my sweet kisses just because I'm being a Crabby McCrabberton, right?