Thursday, May 07, 2009

Do You WANT Robots To Take Over The World?

I swear... you people act like The Terminator, Eagle Eye and I, Robot never existed with your blatant openness and willingness to lick technology's balls.

Why is that?

Is it really that hard to put down the Blackberry? Think back to 5, hell ONE year ago when you didn't have it. How did you live your life? Probably less distracted. And happy.

And can we discuss this newfangled way to keep your eye doctor's pool boy employed, the Kindle? Really? So sitting in front of a computer screen all day is not enough for you, you want to sit in front of a screen all through the night, too, right? Because GOD FORBID you have to hold a real book in your hands, OOF- that's soooo inconvenient.

Or how about the locator chips inserted into unsuspecting animals? Ever think Fluffy is trying to run away for a reason? Didn't I read somewhere humans were next? Oh, fabulous... I can't wait to get my barcode on the back of my neck 'cause you know, deep down, I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be a Jew in Nazi Germany!

Let's not even get into this hot ghetto mess of a "breakthrough" from "scientists" who need to stop being " preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should." [OOOH, I love that line... name the movie for a month of FREE MOVIES from moi... and Netflix. First one gets it!]:

But I mean, really? Is this necessary? People are developing shit so we don't have to think for ourselves or utilize our brains or anything? This is the future you want?? I won't lie- I'm the first fool to Google someone I've just met but DAMN, right in their face? And really? You need a computer to tell you what the best deal on paper towel is? Didn't you learn MATH in SCHOOL?

Listen- I don't know about you but I'm going to fight the power. And I don't care if I'm the only one who still reads actual BOOKS and thinks for herself. I'll be that one hold out while the world changes around her, making food over an open fire (remember fire? ahhh... good old fire...) and writing things down. With a Bic pen.

So as you bask in the latest gadget by Apple or [insert name of random mad scientist here], ask yourself: how long before those Rumba's you bought to clean your house grow a brain, eat your babies and kill you in your sleep? I'll stick with my old school broom, thank you!

*smooches...thinking of turning this blog into a handwritten, mimeographed weekly newsletter*
'cause honestly, in a fight between humans and robots, you KNOW we're gonna lose!