Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Top 10 Reasons Why I Don't Have a Man

10. Nothing feels better than sleeping ALONE diagonally on a Queen-sized bed!

9. My great grandmother angered some Yoruba gods back in the day and all her female decedents are doomed (blessed) with the single life.

8. My ADHD won't allow me to tolerate any one man for more than 13 years.

7. The last thing I need is some swarmy, skeezy pedophile anywhere near my babies.

6. Lloyd Dobbler has ruined me for all other men.

5. Because I'm royalty, and none of these "subjects" are good enough for me.

4. It's all about appearances- if you can't be eye candy, then gets to steppin!

3. I require 89.99976% of a man's attention, and I've been told that that's being greedy.

2. I'm still searching for that nerdy thug, or the thuggish nerd, or any combination thereof.

1. Plainly and simply: I'm a man-hating, whorish snob who finds it beneath her to deal with a species that is, essentially, sub-par to females with their incomplete X chromosome and smelly man-feet.

*smooches...enjoying the view from this pedestal*
Now I don't want anybody
To get the wrong idea about me
I don't have nothing to hide
I want the world to see...