Monday, November 27, 2006

Humble Pie is for Suckers and Ugly People!

I am a beautiful person, inside and out, and sometimes I get so caught up in what other people are doing around me that I forget that I'm so special, so beyond great, so fabulously fucking fabulous!

Since June, I've lost 20lbs, on my own, without a trainer or a nutritionist- that's a whole dress size, that's half of my six-year-old, that's probably what my leg used to weigh- and that's a great accomplishment for me.

I earned a place in a graduate program for talented writers, all on my own, despite my dismal undergraduate transcripts, despite Mr. Peemoeller telling me I wasn't cut out for college because I was unfocused and hard to discipline (it's all part of my charm, Mr. P) and received a grant from this program for being the most promising student of my incoming class. Me! And my class included a published author!

After years and years of putting up with my faux marriage because I didn't think I could make it on my own and had nowhere to go, I found my courage and I left him, got my own place, and despite a few cash-flow problems am doing fine.

I am a loyal, caring friend, ride or die 100%. Someone crosses you, my friend, they cross me. You kill your lover in his sleep? "Officer, she was with me all night." You get thrown in jail? I'm the one sitting beside you saying, in between bouts of laughter, "damn that shit was FUN!"

I am wise; a unique marriage of street and book smarts that can only be appreciated by those who possess the same know who you are my dears because we've been friends FOREVER!

I can switch hit between the arts and the sciences with a twitch of my nose (okay maybe not history, but I've seen a few historical movies...does North and South count? Patrick Swayze sure was dreamy in that uniform...) and grasp both concepts as if I'd studied them all my life. Probably because I've been in school since I was 5. But I digress...

I cook a mean chili and bake a mean carrot cake WITH homemade cream cheese frosting. I can knit you a kicking new scarf and teach myself any computer program under the manual needed.

I can appreciate Billie Holiday, James Taylor, Franki Ruiz, Metallica and 50 Cent, and what makes them so great when shuffled together on my iTunes- it's a mix you just can't beat.

I'm a good mom, raising two independent, self-sufficient, intelligent and beautiful girls who will one day rule this be nice to the little one; she keeps a list...

And when some lucky guy finally convinces me that monogamy is in fact a natural thing and not invented by The Man to keep us down, barefoot and pregnant, he will be getting the best woman William and Mercedes could have ever conceived, and Miguel and Rafaela could have ever nurtured. He will thank his lucky stars every night!

I am an all-powerful, amazon warrior, not just some sniveling girl...

*smooches...sportin' a brand new deadly sin*
----------------- no matter what i think i need
you know i can't possibly
have a need in this world

come and come for that sweet sweetness
i'll be your never ending vending machine
i could never need to be alone
never need to be my own
as much as you need your queen...