Tuesday, April 01, 2014

In Memoriam: RIP Avery Bishop, My LG Cosmos

I guess the day many of you were waiting for finally arrived: Avery gone, y'all, our ni**a dead!

Yes, after about four or five years of loyal service and impeccable performance, my LG Cosmos had to be put down. It was a crazy, hectic Saturday, where things weren't going as planned, no one showed up to my writing workshop and I was on the rag. And then, right in the middle of barely giving a fuck about teaching this class, the screen wigged out. Le sigh. Poor Avery; she tried to hang in there, still taking calls and texts, but in the end we both knew it was time to say goodbye.

I'll never forget her

"Avery wasn't the ratchet type. She never sent X-rated photos and certainly refused to accept them. Once in a while she participated in flirty texts, but her whole purpose was to bring simplicity and order into my life. Occasionally she snapped a shot of a beautiful Brooklyn sunset, or tweeted something witty on the fly, but mostly she kept me connected in the most minimally intrusive way possible. Avery, girl, we've been through it, even a freakin' hurricane, and you never lost connection or battery life. I'm going to miss you."

So, you guys, Avery wouldn't want us to shed any tears. She was a true G that way. Instead, she'd want you all to welcome her replacement, Peter "Petey" DiVoli, my new LG Cosmos 3.

Petey in his fancy grey suit

And be nice, because we suspect he has mob ties, but we were afraid to ask...

*smooches...spillin a lil ginger tea for Avery*
feel free to leave your memories of Avery in the comments