Monday, December 09, 2013

The Jaded Christmas List

I didn't write a Friday post because I said Fridays were reserved for inspirational posts, and I'm fresh out of inspiration. I got nothing. Go do whatever the hell you want- be happy, be miserable, eat babies- I no longer care. Instead, I will drown myself in capitalism and see how that works out. Why not? I have already tried Catholicism, drugs, alcohol, sex, exercise and a Paleo diet. None of it helped. Or maybe I'm being dramatic. WHATEVER, I WANT TO BUY ALL OF THE THINGS SO SHUT UP.

Here's what you need to get me for Christmas to help me on my capitalism journey:

This new wardrobe, ALL BLACK EVERYTHING.

This sneaker, and all its cousins. I'm a size 10.

This house in Azua, Dominican Republic (so I can finally leave this hellhole).

This poster for my bedroom wall.

This man for my bedroom...bed.

That is all.

*smooches...trying not to be too greedy*
this is a real list. for real. buy me something!