Monday, December 09, 2013

The Jaded Christmas List

I didn't write a Friday post because I said Fridays were reserved for inspirational posts, and I'm fresh out of inspiration. I got nothing. Go do whatever the hell you want- be happy, be miserable, eat babies- I no longer care. Instead, I will drown myself in capitalism and see how that works out. Why not? I have already tried Catholicism, drugs, alcohol, sex, exercise and a Paleo diet. None of it helped. Or maybe I'm being dramatic. WHATEVER, I WANT TO BUY ALL OF THE THINGS SO SHUT UP.

Here's what you need to get me for Christmas to help me on my capitalism journey:

This new wardrobe, ALL BLACK EVERYTHING.

This sneaker, and all its cousins. I'm a size 10.

This house in Azua, Dominican Republic (so I can finally leave this hellhole).

This poster for my bedroom wall.

This man for my bedroom...bed.

That is all.

*smooches...trying not to be too greedy*
this is a real list. for real. buy me something!


Irene Robertson said...

You want to leave the hellhole that is Brooklyn, so you can put a posters of it on your wall in your new place?

Apparently it's that time of the month or something. LOL!

The Jaded NYer said...

No one asked you to bring logic and reasoning to the table, Irene!!!!!!