Saturday, December 02, 2006

French Fries: The New Heroin

Yesterday was not so good.

I had some really bad cramps. And I'm trying this new thing where I don't take anymore painkillers and just work through it. What the hell was I thinking? I barely made it through the day without cursing somebody out.

I had to go see some crappy performance at K's school. Not that she's crappy- of course not; my kid is fabulous. Her classmates, however...well let me not speak ill of them. Lets just say I left early.

I wanted to visit my grandfather in the hospital. He was supposed to have had surgery to remove his gall bladder earlier that morning and I wanted to make sure he was okay. I called his room and there was no answer. When I call my cousin she informs me that they had just taken him into the O/R. That hospital...jesus christ...but ya'll already know what I think of medical professionals so I won't go into it again.

Then I came home and am informed by my landlord that he's raising the rent 10% starting with January's rent. He's blaming increased taxes and utility bills (I get free heat and hot water). I suppose it has nothing to do with all the renovations they've done to their own apartment or the bun his wife has in the oven? But what can I do? I can't afford to move again. I'll just have to suck it up and find a way to pay it.

All this shit culminated in me making a b-line to McDonald's, a place I have not been to in like three or four months. I needed something greasy and fattening and bad for me, and I needed to eat it while watching My Bare Lady on iTunes: poisoning my brain AND my body.

And a funny thing happened as I finished the last slurp of my orange drink...I felt a little intoxicated, as if I'd just taken five hits off a six-foot bong and done three keg stands. My eyes could barely stay open. People, I was HIGH ON FRENCH FRIES!! Can you imagine? I guess it's what happens when your body is free of those fast food toxins and then ingests it as if for the first time. Same as when my kids eat anything sugary (because I don't allow high fructose corn syrup products in my house) and start acting like meth heads.

I passed out on my couch fully clothed and with all my make-up on as if I'd partied hard or something. And this morning I had such a french fry, I'm never doing that again! The next time I have a bad day, I'm just going to find some random loser on craigslist's casual encounters personals, make him my sex slave, and then toss him out like yesterday's newspaper. No more McDonald's for me...

These are the days that I've been missing
Give me the taste give me the joy of summer wine
These are the days that bring new meaning
I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine