Inappropriate BBMs, Vol. 1

"I'm throwing myself a pity party and I need for there to be penis in the goody bags."

*smooches...truly amazed at the conversations to which I'm privy*
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my life is seriously better than TV sometimes!

"I Would Wait Forever For Those Lips Of Wine..."

I had a little Come To Jesus meeting with myself the other day as I found myself in the throws of yet another major crush: I will most likely not pursue this man because I've already created a whole relationship with him in my mind. And when I do that, the real life whatever that we embark on never works.

I know, I know, "If you think it and speak it it will be," so I should stop being so negative, but I'm speaking from experience. The thing is, I don't trust myself or what I'm feeling for him. Is it really him I like, or the him in my head that I've molded and perfected? Because you know...we've already dated in real life and it didn't work out.

Yet- his arms, his embrace, it's still familiar to me. I remember the chill up my spine when we used to kiss. Somedays I thought I could honestly spend hours upon hours getting lost in his eyes. And that smile...it always made me smile. But of course that's the romanticized version of what we once had, right? It's not what's happening today, right?

This attraction is residual. It has to be. Like the aftershock of an earthquake. (too soon?)

However, I cannot deny that he has been the star of all my dreams lately, and I truly understand the lyrics to Fergie's "Clumsy" now because that's how I feel around him. I really don't know what to do with myself.

I suppose that's what's really bothering me- how out of my control this whole thing is. If he called me RIGHT NOW and asked me out I wouldn't hesitate to say yes. I'd fall right back into what we once had as if we hadn't missed a beat. The proverbial ball is in his proverbial court and that bothers me.

Of course it's all so stupid because we're different people now...what could I possibly love about him except for what I've created in my head? Do we even like the same things anymore? Do we share political views? What is his position on machete violence and Buffalo wings?

And most importantly- will he be able to tolerate The Voices and rub my tummy through countless mini-marathons of Buffy or Degrassi or Sex and the City when Lady Estrogen wields her wrath upon my uterus? Will he do this for me? Will he be that for me? The him in my head does and is; I like him a lot. But I'm so scared- YES, me, scared- to find out that the real him, flesh and bone him would rather play Madden on his XBox all night instead.

These days, I've been sleeping more than I've been doing anything else because that's where he and I are together, all smiles and butterflies and music crescendos. It's a good place. Unhealthy as fuck, but good.

Lord, but if he makes that first move, though, I'm afraid of what I'll let myself do just to be able to sit in those arms, kiss those lips and stare into those eyes for hours upon hours with a stupid ol' smile on my face. Sheeeeeiiiiiittttt...I might even let that fool convince me to- NOPE. I won't say/write it. It's too dangerous to even speak its name.

I'll let Andy say it for me...



*smooches...filled with angst, confusion and longing. as usual*
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one day there will be no doubt...one day... won't that be something?

Google Reader Stole Me Away From You

Want to know why I hardly comment on your blog anymore?

In an effort to consolidate my time online I began adding RSS Feeds to my Google Reader- it's a one-stop-shop of blog reading! However, it doesn't allow for commenting. I have to visit the actual blog for that. And for my lazy ass, sometimes that's one step too many.

Some of you are completely obnoxious with it and force me to click on your blog by only allowing snippets of what you've written in the Reader (BOOOO) but most of you understand how busy we all are and let me read the entire post. And for that I thank you.

The rest of you are just selfish!

That said, if you're reading my blog via some sort of RSS feed, know that I allow my entire blog post to appear on those things because I never want you to feel obligated to come here and comment, and I don't run this blog for profit so the amount of visits I get doesn't phase me. Feel free to come and go, or not, as you please.

**THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE JADED NYER**

*smooches...looking for ways to streamline my emails next*
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I already use labels and filters in Gmail... any other suggestions?

Things I Have To Remind Myself Of (part three)

It's not HIM you miss, it's the way he made you feel about yourself.

-Rebecca, one of The Voices

*smooches...practicing a little preemptive advice-giving*
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I'm not missing anyone right now...just tryna make sure I don't take it there. I know me; I'll be upset about ONE thing, and it will quickly spiral into being upset about a bunch of other, unrelated things.

Hall & Oates, I Love You, But Sitcho Ass Down...And Other Musings

Happy Rainy Monday, my good people. How you be? Me? Eh...still tempting fate by not taking care of some shit I need to take care of, but if I actually took some initiative I wouldn't be me- know what I'm sayin?

Lets get on with the show!

Bloggers Brunching...And At The Bar!
Mi hermano, Brother Omi himself, alerted me that he will be in the NY next month, so you know what that means, right? PAR-TAY! And you're all invited so save the date.

Although I don't really have a date in mind yet it will be on a weekend so that we can take advantage of one of the many "unlimited mimosa" brunch specials all over NYC. So save one of your weekends. And expect lots of drinking. I mean, not to feed the stereotype or anything, but we ARE Dominican. We like to drink. Deal!

Me Playing Sports = Hilarity Waiting To Happen
I need some help with a project I have in mind involving me + sports. Some of you play sports, or know people who are athletes. Well I need you to introduce me to these athletes for a mockumentary-type project I have in mind. I already have a baseball pro helping me, but I need a swimmer, soccer player, football player (preferable a sexy one...ROAR), golf pro (NOT Tiger...EWWWWWW), etc etc. Any and every sport you can think of- if you know someone who plays it I want to know them!

Send all information to: rpenzo@thejadednyer.net

And I hope I don't need to tell you fools that they need to be in the NYC metropolitan area, okay?

Hall & Oates, I Love You, But Sitcho Ass Down
Did you know that Hall & Oates were nominated for a Grammy for Sara Smile, a song that was first released 20 million years ago? Now, I like the song and them white boys as much as the next person but WTF? So yeah, we're talking Grammys tonight on Monday Musings because of that bullshit right there.



Smarty P. Jones is co-hosting, which should make for an interesting show since we ain't even talking right now *rolls eyes* But whatever...show must go on...

And make sure you visit www.Grammy.com to get a list of the nominees so you can clown them, too!

You're Coming To My Reading, RIGHT?
I really hate to threaten, coerce and strong arm, but Lady Estrogen LOVES it.



So make sure you're there- front and center and on time!



And The Best Text Message Of The Month Award Goes To...
JACK, of course, for sending me this tidbit after the umpteenth time of him suffering sympathy PMS symptoms with me:

JACK: I ABHOR your cycle. Can we get you a hysterectomy?

If only it were that easy, my friend...if only...

*smooches...hoping Jack doesn't go postal when I go through "the change"*
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I really can't help it if I'm the dominant bitch in this relationship...