You Are Cordially Invited...

I'm celebrating a few things and need to party hard. I'm thinking March 30th or 31st. You all need to accompany me to make sure I don't go home with a Hoover-type loser at the end of the night. And because I said so, dammit!

1. 90-day Review and Mas Dinero
My boss is impressed with my work. Apparently I'm a good worker (stop laughing, Irene!). So he gave me a $5G raise...I think that translates to 30 cents more per paycheck after taxes...

2. Paper Finito.
I handed it in. Still don't know if it's good, but it's done and it's in my thesis mentor's hands. Hopefully I still have a chance to graduate with my friends in August (you're all invited to that, too)

3. My 60-day Chip- Rehab is the New Church...
I think I've finally got my sex-addiction under control...two months and counting...YAY ME!!! (well, at least until JC and/or Slash come to their senses and become my love slaves)

4. West Visits East
My friend L from LA is coming out east during her spring break and we'll be painting the town red. You all need to meet her- she's awesome!!!

Party details are still in the planning stages, but expect the festivities to include a lavish dinner at a Mexican, Indian, Italian, Spanish or Mediterranean joint, bar-hopping, consuming massive amounts of alcohol, dancing till our clothes come off and ending with breakfast at a 24-hour diner.

Please be ready to pay your own way (cause you know I ain't got it and can't put nothin' on it) and to be featured in this blog the following day (cause you know you're gonna get so drunk and stupid that I WILL NEED to talk about you!).

RSVP due by March 23rd; presents not required but are more than welcome...you can buy me a drink or two...also, cash is always appreciated :)

*smooches...*
--------
when you come to me
come to me with cake
in your pocket
come to me nicely
with that soft kinda cake
that's mostly icing
come to me ready and rude
bring me angel food
angel food

Top 10 Reasons Why It's Hard to be My Friend

10. I secretly hate you. Sure, to your face I'm all smiles and sunshine, but behind your back I'm plotting...

9. Once you stop being an asset, I'll drop you like a hot potato.

8. I know that you don't believe in my mission to meet and marry John Cusack, and I'll never forgive you for it.

7. I'm always broke. How can we enjoy life if my pockets hold nothing but lint?

6. I have daddy issues. No matter how nice your boyfriend is, I will always seek out his flaw, point it out to you and give him the side-eye whenever we all hang out together

5. I'm moody; I can go off at any moment and my wrath is fierce and far-reaching

4. Kids. I have them. They eat up my money and my time. They are a definite buzz kill.

3. I'll never tell you if you look fat in your jeans. That way I'll always be prettier.

2. I have a big mouth. You secrets? Not so secret if you tell me...

And the number one reason why it's hard to be my friend is:

1. No matter what your moral dilemma- if you come to me for advice, I will always lead you down the path of debauchery and eternal damnation. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

*smooches...with sunshine and side-eyes*
----------------
it's a story as common as a penny, son
it ain't really worth anything to anyone
poor little sore little song
that aches like a muscle each time that it moves
sad little song that you play
and you play and you play
and you play 'til you lose

Less Than A Week

It's due.

No more procrastinating. No more dilly-dallying. No more extensions.

My thesis is due and the pressure is mounting. Not only is this due, but I have to pull off Irene's baby shower, do my taxes, write an article on these designers/activists because I desperately need the money, find another job so I can pay my bills AND keep food in the house, and keep up with this blog.

I have to care for two kids; check in with my friends and family; go to work everyday and cover some of the most boring topics known to man (it was interesting at first, fun, even. Now I want to shoot my brains out!); and, oh yeah, I may want to take a minute to take care of me. But that's at the bottom of my list along with having a life and dating.

But back to the thesis. I've scrapped one of the stories. I just don't feel like writing it and I'll still be able to make my 25K word count without it. Two stories are completed. Two need more details (according to my thesis mentor) and two need an ending. The script needs some minor revisions. The 25-pg paper needs a title, 10 more pages and lots of revision. Of the 15 2-pg papers discussing books we've read, maybe 12 or 13 are good to go. I still haven't secured a second reader for my thesis and the books I need to complete my paper are only available to me from the Queens Library in Jamaica, since I've been banned from borrowing books in Manhattan and Brooklyn (god-damned fines!!!).

And yes, I realize this stress is all self-imposed. I did this to myself. But it doesn't make my situation less stressful and upsetting.

So before you call or email me with your petty problems- boss getting on your nerves, significant other driving you nuts, wedding plans going awry, in-laws driving you to drink- take a deep breath and think: do I really want to feel the wrath of Raquel today, or do I want to wait until March 5th when she'll be more in the mood for my foolishness?

Just a thought.

*smooches...enough to hold you over until March 5th*
---------------
now you think, so that is
the way it's gonna be
that's what this is all about
and i think that is
the way it always was
you chose not to notice until now...

...and i guess that you dialed my number
'cuz you thought for sure that i'd agree
and i say baby, you know i still love you
but how dare you complain to me

What If I Said I Hate Black People?

Huh, Mr. Hardaway? What if I went on record with the Associated Press stating that black people shouldn't be allowed in the US, or the world? And definitely not in the locker room, spreading their black-ness to all non-black players and not allowing them to concentrate on the game??

You'd be the first one calling Al Sharpton to have me labelled a racist, that's what you'd do!

Your anti-gay statements were DEPLORABLE and your apology SUB-PAR! Why would a gay basketball player's presence in the locker room threaten you, you piece of shit? Because gay men are driven by their hormones and all they need is to see a penis and they go crazy?? What is your fucking damage?

And while we're at it, you ain't all that- so why are you worried about a gay man hitting on you anyway??

But I am glad you went on record. And that you admitted to being HOMOPHOBIC. That you FEAR gay people.

That way you prove the statement that FEAR breeds IGNORANCE and HATE.

You ignorant, hateful man!

I hope John Amaechi tracks you down and kicks your fucking ASS!!!!

*no smooches today...I'm pissed!*
---------
just give up
and admit you're an asshole
you would be
in some good company
and i think you'd find
that your friends would forgive you
or maybe i
am just speaking for me

Ladies and Gentlemen...The Answers to All My Prayers...

See this fine-ass man to the left? All muscular and sexy and just BEAUTIFUL?

He's the new love of my life. Want to know where I met him? Want to know where true happiness is waiting for you, too?

http://www.hotprisonpals.com/

That's right! The man or woman of your dreams is just one erotic letter away...and 25 years, 7 with time off for good behavior.

I really, really wish I was making this up. Seriously, though, I suppose inmates need love, too, huh? Maybe if they had a good woman to begin with they wouldn't be in jail right now. I'm just what this dude needs...now if only I can find out what he's in for...


*smooches...with conjugal visits!*
-----------
yes i have my father's heart
it may or may not keep on trying
can't really tell you what it is
keeps me this side of that dark line