Friday, June 07, 2013

The Rain Won't Last Forever

Despite the shits and giggles I may have shared with you last week, or will share with you next week, please believe I'm in the middle of a shit-storm of emotions, mostly bad and sad ones. And before you ask, no, there's nothing you can do about it and yes, I'll be fine (I hope!), so please, as usual- DON'T ASK ME ABOUT IT.

Just yesterday, as I was leaving the house, LATE AGAIN, I was trying to make sure I had my keys, wallet, metrocard, work ID, keys, dayplanner, snacks, workout gear for physical therapy, did I eat breakfast so I can take my meds?, and then made mental notes that I needed to write a few proposals for projects I'm working on and plan K's graduation dinner and FOR FUCK'S SAKE WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CELLPHONE CHARGER?!?!--it hit me: there are too many moving parts to my life. I can't ever just leave the house after I get dressed. I can't just come home and go to bed. Being a mom gets in the way. Being a friend gets in the way. Being a responsible, law-abiding citizen gets in the way. HAVING TO BREATHE OXYGEN GETS IN THE WAY.

Are you here with me? In the crazy room from hell? Wondering where your youthful vigor for life went? Where your desire to be a part of the world ran off to? Where all of the fucks you used to give went? Let's all just take a minute to exhale.

I know everyone is busy, and I realize I blog about being too busy and doing too much quarterly. There is a method (and a schedule) to my madness. But I guess it just affects me more than others. I'm told hard times don't last. Christians regurgitate the "This Too Shall Pass" platitude every chance they get. Today, seeing as I don't have to bring N to her band practice clear across town, and I can save my eardrums from the constant loudness, I'm going to take a minute (or 50) to collect myself and my thoughts.

There is a better way to live this life. There is a way to not stress eat. There is a way to get everything done without having a heart attack. I'm going to solve this puzzle and help this pass from me.

I'd really like to live long enough to see 39.

*smooches...wishing you all a stress-free weekend*
I might have to actually work out this weekend...