Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I Remember Yoga: A Healthy Jaded Post

On Saturday, I decided that my back was feeling well enough to finally start yoga classes again. I dusted off an old Living Social voucher and strolled on over to Dou Yoga in Clinton Hill for their afternoon open level class. As instructed by my physical therapist, I let the instructor know about my back issues and all that before taking to the mat and assuming the position.

And well, it went as expected; I haven't taken a yoga class in about a year and I've been eating like a fool and sitting on my couch woe-is-me-ing about my back. So yeah, it hurt like a bitch.

Most of the time, I had to break formation to fold myself into child pose and take deep breaths. And cry a little bit into my mat. Every part of me wanted to roll up my shit and sneak out in the middle of the warrior poses--like a BAWSE--but some heffa was blocking my path to the door. So I stuck it out.

At one point, something I did angered my back to the point where sitting up straight was rather painful, the bad kind of painful, and I knew I was on the road to Overdid It-ville. But then, THEN, it was time for corpse pose, so I stifled the tears and told my back pain to shut the fuck up, and let go.

There was a moment when everything in me that was wound up tight unraveled. I had my eyes closed, legs akimbo, arms at my side, palms up, jaw relaxed, shoulders away from my ears, and my whole body unclenched. It was so serene, so peaceful, that I didn't know how to feel about it.

In fact, it scared me so much to be without worry for even a tiny moment, that my jaw tightened immediately and my old familiar aches returned.

Still, I had that great moment. Is that what happiness feels like? I've never experienced that before. Oh yoga, I can't believe we ever had to part!

*smooches...thinking of attending another class next week*
here's hoping that yoga wasn't the culprit to my back all along!