Didn't think I could do it, did ya? Thought I'd cave around Valentine's Day because I didn't have anyone? Little did you know I NEVER celebrate that Hallmark holiday, man or not, so it did not phase me at all. I'm tap-dancing all the way to April as celibate as priest who actually takes his vows seriously.
I've found other ways to fill my time on nights and weekends when the pickneys are gone.
Sometimes I'll watch movies until my retinas burn out.
Sometimes I'll sleep until I develop bedsores.
And sometimes I'll order in something so fattening and filling that the thought of doing the do makes me want to vomit and I pass out on the couch.
When I start feeling the ill-withdrawal shakes, I'll go so far as spending the weekend with my mom. Nothing kills a skanky libido faster than a bible-quoting, church-loving, judgemental Dominican mom. She's been such a help and doesn't even know it!
This weekend will be no different:
- Friday- working all night on three different freelance assignments
- Saturday- cleaning my apartment, laundry, girls' poker night (no men allowed!)
- Sunday- another freelance gig all morning, brunch w/mom and friends, pickneys back by dinner
See how anonymous, NSA, junglistic, sweaty, nasty, heart-pounding activities with a booty call just do not fit into that schedule?
*smooches...with a chastity belt made out of pure will and determination*
virtue is relative at best
there's nothing worse than a sunset
when you're driving due west
and i'm afraid that my love
is gonna come up short
that there is no there there
i guess i'm scared
'cuz i want to have good news to report
every time i come up for air