I come home from work and sit at my computer and am confronted with the fact that there is nothing to do. Or it's the weekend and I wake up and...I just have no purpose. No deadlines to meet. It's all a waiting game now. One can only hope that my advisor finds GLARING ERRORS in my thesis and it needs to be revised.
On a day like today I would normally spend the majority of my time stressing over how to end my stories, or checking that the verb tenses are consistent throughout- a serious problem I have- or trying to BS my way to a finished craft thesis.
Instead I had nothing to do but file the four piles of papers by my desk...five hours worth of filing that threatened to take away my last bit of sanity...AWWW CRAP! I just realized there's another pack of papers hidden in the closet!!! DAMMIT!!!!!
I mean really! How does ONE WOMAN amass that many papers??? Poor trees!!! I dare say I am personally responsible for deforestation...
I tried to break up the monotony by watching movies on the computer, but 1/3 of the way through Brokeback Mountain I realized it was the most BORING movie on the planet, and that Heath Ledger's voice was like nails on a chalkboard to me.
So I switched to old episodes of Friends, but it just wasn't as funny as it used to be, you know? Kind of like watching old sitcoms on Nick at Nite- they used to crack you up back in the day but now...you just can't see the funny...
Finally the girls and I settled on watching season one of Charmed, starring my girl Shannen Doherty, and that calmed my soul a little. That show makes me anxious for my own powers to awaken. That and Heroes. But everything at its own pace- you can't rush greatness...
...Am I rambling? Jeez! I need a hobby...
Fuck it- I'm off to look up more grad school programs. All I need is a scholarship and I'll be OK. Fuck FAFSA and Uncle Sam. They will not keep me from my dream of being called "Dr. Penzo." Nor will they force me to spend another 5 hours filing papers. I'll leave that for next Sunday.
*smooches...in a granite-colored file cabinet*
i've got a slot at eye level like
a speakeasy door
and i know you know the password
cuz i've seen you here before
and i've got something sweet for you
and i don't care if it is more than you deserve
i've got a lot of love and a lot of nerve
so watch me while i take this curve