taken from a Twitter conversation that came about after I went off on a rant about K's school:
and1grad: @TheJadedNYer I would really like to see you get ethnic. Its always entertaining when spanish folk get angry.
TheJadedNYer: @and1grad CALLATE!!!!!!
and1grad: @TheJadedNYer No, usually yall rattle off a LOT of words VERY quickly. Its fun to watch!
TheJadedNYer: @and1grad I'm not sure, but I think you just called me Ricky Ricardo...
and1grad: @TheJadedNYer No I called @ReindadeNYC that once tho. Did you know she's Cuban?
TheJadedNYer: @and1grad You're gonna get it for that. I'm just gonna duck out of the way and watch... *gets popcorn*
and1grad: @TheJadedNYer She likes it when I call her Cuban...its like our role-play. LOL
TheJadedNYer: @and1grad OK, now I feel like I walked into a porn starring my cousins. *backs away slowly*
and1grad: @TheJadedNYer Your saying that has just made this whole day awkward. That might actually be the most jaded thing I've heard u say. lol
chicknamedvick: @and1grad @TheJadedNYer that specific porn ends with @ReinaNYC trying to cut him.
TheJadedNYer: @chicknamedvick Ahhh, so it's a SNUFF FILM starring my cousins. Makes more sense now. *runs away for dear life*
*smooches...knowing full well that one day they might read this*
----------
you know, eventually, when they actually learn to read... hahahahahahaha
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
"It's Always Been A Matter Of Trust..."
"Some love is just a lie of the heart..."
At what point does one come to the conclusion that what they feel for their significant other is *actual* love and not just something one thinks should be love because, well, just because?
I know for a fact I let myself live that lie when I was married. After many fights where he threatened to leave or suggested divorce I, me THE JADED FREAKIN NYER would fall to a fit of tears and tell him that I loved him and we had to give the marriage a try.
"...I know you have doubts, But for God's sake don't shut me out..."
But looking back, hindsight being 20/20 and all, how could I have thought it was love when I didn't even care enough to find a solution to our problems, and would instead offer him cold shoulders and the silent treatment. I never said what I really wanted to say because I was afraid the lie would be revealed: I don't really love you; I'm just afraid of being alone.
"...Some love is just a lie of the mind..."
There were days I would convince myself that I was in the wrong 100%- I was being a total bitch to a man who, instead of leaving me high and dry when I found out I was pregnant, took care of me and the baby like he was supposed to. Put his plans on hold to do so. Was mopping floors of the very campus center where he used to hang with friends just to put food on our table. Had to swallow his pride so we could afford diapers.
"...I'm sure you're aware love, We've both had our share of believing too long, When the whole situation was wrong..."
With time to reflect on that whole debacle of a relationship and its effect on my subsequent relationships I realized that I put too much importance on what HE thought of me and what I thought of HIM and not what WE thought of OURSELVES. And when I think of the self-esteem issues we both brought to the table and took away with us when it was all over, I knew that it all boiled down to trust.
"...Some love is just a lie of the soul..."
I mean, isn't low self-esteem just not trusting in your god-given worth? Never trusting that you're good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough, SMART enough, funny enough and just ENOUGH enough for the person you're with? Never trusting that you have the qualities to keep someone interested in you in the long run?
It has taken a bunch of years to be able to say this out loud, but when I say I have trust issues, it doesn't mean I don't trust in YOU. It means I don't trust in ME.
But I promise, I'm working on it...
*smooches...thanking Billy Joel for the strength to come clean*
----------
the sad part is this extends into my professional life, too. why do you think my thesis remains unfinished? stories remain unsent?
but I'm working on that, too. Promise!
At what point does one come to the conclusion that what they feel for their significant other is *actual* love and not just something one thinks should be love because, well, just because?
I know for a fact I let myself live that lie when I was married. After many fights where he threatened to leave or suggested divorce I, me THE JADED FREAKIN NYER would fall to a fit of tears and tell him that I loved him and we had to give the marriage a try.
"...I know you have doubts, But for God's sake don't shut me out..."
But looking back, hindsight being 20/20 and all, how could I have thought it was love when I didn't even care enough to find a solution to our problems, and would instead offer him cold shoulders and the silent treatment. I never said what I really wanted to say because I was afraid the lie would be revealed: I don't really love you; I'm just afraid of being alone.
"...Some love is just a lie of the mind..."
There were days I would convince myself that I was in the wrong 100%- I was being a total bitch to a man who, instead of leaving me high and dry when I found out I was pregnant, took care of me and the baby like he was supposed to. Put his plans on hold to do so. Was mopping floors of the very campus center where he used to hang with friends just to put food on our table. Had to swallow his pride so we could afford diapers.
"...I'm sure you're aware love, We've both had our share of believing too long, When the whole situation was wrong..."
With time to reflect on that whole debacle of a relationship and its effect on my subsequent relationships I realized that I put too much importance on what HE thought of me and what I thought of HIM and not what WE thought of OURSELVES. And when I think of the self-esteem issues we both brought to the table and took away with us when it was all over, I knew that it all boiled down to trust.
"...Some love is just a lie of the soul..."
I mean, isn't low self-esteem just not trusting in your god-given worth? Never trusting that you're good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough, SMART enough, funny enough and just ENOUGH enough for the person you're with? Never trusting that you have the qualities to keep someone interested in you in the long run?
It has taken a bunch of years to be able to say this out loud, but when I say I have trust issues, it doesn't mean I don't trust in YOU. It means I don't trust in ME.
But I promise, I'm working on it...
*smooches...thanking Billy Joel for the strength to come clean*
----------
the sad part is this extends into my professional life, too. why do you think my thesis remains unfinished? stories remain unsent?
but I'm working on that, too. Promise!
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
They Call Me Alternate Juror #1...
But wait- I have an announcement first:
If you write fiction or creative non-fiction, reside in or near the Park Slope area and are serious about your craft, please contact me at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net. I've co-founded a writing workshop with two very talented women and am looking for 1-2 more people to join us every other Monday night for constructive criticism and feedback on submitted manuscripts. That is all.
And now the post...
As if I don't already have enough reasons for giving Obama the side eye (where my kids' reparations at, homie?), I can now add to my list of grievances:
Because I voted in the last presidential election the gu'ment found out where I was, served me with a jury summons and selected me for a criminal case.
YES. I am sitting on a criminal case... Could you just DIE?!?! They must not know 'bout me... and it's a murder case, too: JUICY! It's like a poorly-written, real life Law & Order and I can't wait until it's all over to tell you all their business.
As it stands, since I always try to stay on the "good" side of the law, I will only share with you what I can of this entire process: the jury selection.
First of all, I never realized how many ugly people reside in Kings county. Like for real, talk about the dregs of the dregs of society!
Second, NEVER go to jury duty without eating breakfast (like I did) because it can be damn near 3 o'clock before you get the chance to feed your belly (like I did). And passing out in court is NOT a good look.
Third, you know I love you a lot, right? So... I took notes (you can thank me in the comments) during the entire selection process before we got sent to the courtroom, and here are the highlights of my morning at 320 Jay Street:
1- Juror already kicked out/escorted out by cops for refusing to turn off iPod. We've only been here 20 minutes. LOVE IT! *shuts off iPod*
2- Why did ol' boy just show up hella late... in stunna shades? People- we gotta do better!
3- County Clerk had jokes: "If you no longer live in Brooklyn go see the clerk through the double doors. We're gonna make you write an essay about WHY you left Brooklyn!"
4- People are being excused for medical reasons? Does self-diagnosed manic depression count?
5- These people DO NOT have trouble understanding English... damn fakers!! How did they know to even get up just now when he asked the question?
6- Black Men: I'm gonna need for you to STOP wearing jeans with sparkly embellishments on the back pockets. That is all.
7- I'm writing a new script, "When Juries Attack." Tagline: What happens when the entire jury pool decides to take down the courts?
8- This Asian dude is named Peter Pan. Foreigners, PLEASE... research the culture before you choose your American name!
9- The judge looks and sounds like Jerry Springer. I have this urge to throw a chair and rush the stage screaming, "Keep your BLEEP BLEEP hands off my BLEEP BLEEP man, you BLEEP BLEEP!!!!!" Wait; the court officers have guns. Never mind.
10- 12PM and still no food in my belly. This bitch sitting next to me is about to lose her M&Ms. The hard way.
Now, before I went to jury duty, I got many tips on how to get myself dismissed and I was ready. But when I got there and Judge Jerry Springer spoke to us about duty and shit, and the inarticulate defense attorney said that the defendant's future was in our hands, I did feel a sense of responsibility. So instead of trying some shenanigans to get sent home, I answered truthfully from my heart.
Because when the day comes that I have to stab a fool in the jugular with a broken Stella Artois bottle, I would really like to think that the jury called to decide my case would do the same.
*smooches...actually feeling like part of the solution. for once.*
----------
but seriously, I can't WAIT for it to be over... you know I'm bubbling over with gossip and details, right??? UGH!!! I want to tell you so much, but I won't. I'll be good.
If you write fiction or creative non-fiction, reside in or near the Park Slope area and are serious about your craft, please contact me at rpenzo@thejadednyer.net. I've co-founded a writing workshop with two very talented women and am looking for 1-2 more people to join us every other Monday night for constructive criticism and feedback on submitted manuscripts. That is all.
And now the post...
As if I don't already have enough reasons for giving Obama the side eye (where my kids' reparations at, homie?), I can now add to my list of grievances:
Because I voted in the last presidential election the gu'ment found out where I was, served me with a jury summons and selected me for a criminal case.
YES. I am sitting on a criminal case... Could you just DIE?!?! They must not know 'bout me... and it's a murder case, too: JUICY! It's like a poorly-written, real life Law & Order and I can't wait until it's all over to tell you all their business.
As it stands, since I always try to stay on the "good" side of the law, I will only share with you what I can of this entire process: the jury selection.
First of all, I never realized how many ugly people reside in Kings county. Like for real, talk about the dregs of the dregs of society!
Second, NEVER go to jury duty without eating breakfast (like I did) because it can be damn near 3 o'clock before you get the chance to feed your belly (like I did). And passing out in court is NOT a good look.
Third, you know I love you a lot, right? So... I took notes (you can thank me in the comments) during the entire selection process before we got sent to the courtroom, and here are the highlights of my morning at 320 Jay Street:
1- Juror already kicked out/escorted out by cops for refusing to turn off iPod. We've only been here 20 minutes. LOVE IT! *shuts off iPod*
2- Why did ol' boy just show up hella late... in stunna shades? People- we gotta do better!
3- County Clerk had jokes: "If you no longer live in Brooklyn go see the clerk through the double doors. We're gonna make you write an essay about WHY you left Brooklyn!"
4- People are being excused for medical reasons? Does self-diagnosed manic depression count?
5- These people DO NOT have trouble understanding English... damn fakers!! How did they know to even get up just now when he asked the question?
6- Black Men: I'm gonna need for you to STOP wearing jeans with sparkly embellishments on the back pockets. That is all.
7- I'm writing a new script, "When Juries Attack." Tagline: What happens when the entire jury pool decides to take down the courts?
8- This Asian dude is named Peter Pan. Foreigners, PLEASE... research the culture before you choose your American name!
9- The judge looks and sounds like Jerry Springer. I have this urge to throw a chair and rush the stage screaming, "Keep your BLEEP BLEEP hands off my BLEEP BLEEP man, you BLEEP BLEEP!!!!!" Wait; the court officers have guns. Never mind.
10- 12PM and still no food in my belly. This bitch sitting next to me is about to lose her M&Ms. The hard way.
Now, before I went to jury duty, I got many tips on how to get myself dismissed and I was ready. But when I got there and Judge Jerry Springer spoke to us about duty and shit, and the inarticulate defense attorney said that the defendant's future was in our hands, I did feel a sense of responsibility. So instead of trying some shenanigans to get sent home, I answered truthfully from my heart.
Because when the day comes that I have to stab a fool in the jugular with a broken Stella Artois bottle, I would really like to think that the jury called to decide my case would do the same.
*smooches...actually feeling like part of the solution. for once.*
----------
but seriously, I can't WAIT for it to be over... you know I'm bubbling over with gossip and details, right??? UGH!!! I want to tell you so much, but I won't. I'll be good.
Monday, June 08, 2009
Where I Failed As A Mother
Most of you already know K is on her way to one of the Specialized High Schools in New York City. She took the test, scored well and gained admission. It wasn't her first choice but she's happy with the outcome. She's not a conscientious student (she gets it from both me AND her dad) but she's very intelligent.
However, I hate to even think about where she'd be going to school next year if she weren't naturally smart. Not just because her study habits suck ass, but because I am convinced her junior high school did a piss-poor job of academically preparing her for what comes next.
Let me give you the backstory...
When I moved back to NYC in 2005, K started 5th grade at a school in Jamaica, Queens because I was still living with my mom at the time. In January of 2006 we moved into our own place in Brooklyn and she switched to the local school, the one that N attends now (which, by the way, I ADORE).
K's guidance counselor approached me in the spring about where we should send her for JHS, and mentioned this new charter school that he felt would be a good fit for her. We (me, my ex and Mari) went to an info session, K interviewed and was accepted. I was excited for her and thought we'd hit the jackpot.
Until she started going there.
My grievances with them are too many to itemize, but they range from sloppy administrative practices to downright wasting my kids time in the classroom. If you remember this post, I had to complain about their atrocious disciplinary methods and most recently, a bogus "class trip" had my panties in such a bunch that I had to write another "stern letter to corporate."
And while it is easy to sit here and tell you about how bad this school is and how I'll NEVER EVER send my kids to a new school ever again (sorry, but I'm going to need to see at least a decade of successful graduates before you get a hold of MY child!) I have to take ownership on my part in all this.
I never transferred her out.
I've loathed this school since K was in the 6th grade but didn't do anything except complain to my friends, family, blog readers and anyone else who would listen. And for that I'm a bad mommy.
Next year, K is in for an eye opener because the HS she's attending is no joke with the academics: it will challenge her until she curls up into a ball and cries herself to sleep. How do I know? Because it's my alma mater, and I experienced the same thing. My JHS, a parochial school that wasn't concerned with whether or not you could count as long as you loved Jesus, did not prepare me for the rigors of a specialized high school. I feel as though I did K a disservice by not pulling her out of her school in the 6th grade and transferring her elsewhere and now it's June.
All I can do now is hope for the best and stay on her ass about homework even more than I do now.
*smooches...wondering if this ruins my chances at mother of the year*
----------
or- wait- I WAS in the running, right? RIGHT? Hello? Is this thing on???
However, I hate to even think about where she'd be going to school next year if she weren't naturally smart. Not just because her study habits suck ass, but because I am convinced her junior high school did a piss-poor job of academically preparing her for what comes next.
Let me give you the backstory...
When I moved back to NYC in 2005, K started 5th grade at a school in Jamaica, Queens because I was still living with my mom at the time. In January of 2006 we moved into our own place in Brooklyn and she switched to the local school, the one that N attends now (which, by the way, I ADORE).
K's guidance counselor approached me in the spring about where we should send her for JHS, and mentioned this new charter school that he felt would be a good fit for her. We (me, my ex and Mari) went to an info session, K interviewed and was accepted. I was excited for her and thought we'd hit the jackpot.
Until she started going there.
My grievances with them are too many to itemize, but they range from sloppy administrative practices to downright wasting my kids time in the classroom. If you remember this post, I had to complain about their atrocious disciplinary methods and most recently, a bogus "class trip" had my panties in such a bunch that I had to write another "stern letter to corporate."
And while it is easy to sit here and tell you about how bad this school is and how I'll NEVER EVER send my kids to a new school ever again (sorry, but I'm going to need to see at least a decade of successful graduates before you get a hold of MY child!) I have to take ownership on my part in all this.
I never transferred her out.
I've loathed this school since K was in the 6th grade but didn't do anything except complain to my friends, family, blog readers and anyone else who would listen. And for that I'm a bad mommy.
Next year, K is in for an eye opener because the HS she's attending is no joke with the academics: it will challenge her until she curls up into a ball and cries herself to sleep. How do I know? Because it's my alma mater, and I experienced the same thing. My JHS, a parochial school that wasn't concerned with whether or not you could count as long as you loved Jesus, did not prepare me for the rigors of a specialized high school. I feel as though I did K a disservice by not pulling her out of her school in the 6th grade and transferring her elsewhere and now it's June.
All I can do now is hope for the best and stay on her ass about homework even more than I do now.
*smooches...wondering if this ruins my chances at mother of the year*
----------
or- wait- I WAS in the running, right? RIGHT? Hello? Is this thing on???
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Jaded Photographs 2009: June Edition
"The Fall Of Man?"
*smooches...daring you...*
----------
there's still a little witch in me, I'm sure...
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