What Can I Say?

Philadelphia beat us fair and square.

I'm not going to say "the Eagles wanted it more" or "it's all Plaxico's fault" because that's what sore losers say. And true, I took the anger and frustration out on my couch with such ferocity that my babies ran and hid in my bedroom, but I'm okay now. And sure I googled Eli to see where he lived to maybe perhaps pass by with a led pipe but, nah, I'm okay now.

It's just a football game, right? The fate of the world doesn't depend on it, right? Except for the loss of bragging rights, a Giants debacle doesn't affect my world.

*deep cleansing breaths*

That said, I refuse to talk sports until March 6th when Team Dominican Republic plays The Netherlands in Puerto Rico at the World Baseball Classic. Carry on.

Now on to better news:

TONIGHT, ON MONDAY MUSINGS...

Remember that book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? And how it discussed how differently men and women communicate, react, behave, etc? I didn't read it but I read the jacket (self-help books make me vomit!) so I only got the gist of it.

Anyways, I decided to have my own little version of it on Monday Musings- Mars vs. Venus: A Conversation Between Heterosexuals. And I specify heteros for this segment because OF COURSE I'll be doing one later on for my gays (I stole that phrase from Kathy Griffin... Where my gays at?!?! lol).



I want an open dialogue between men and women, marrieds and singles, to see if we can't get back on track with one another. I've noticed that many of the singles in blogland seem to have real problems meeting really good mates, and it baffles me because all the bloggers I visit seem to be nice, intelligent, ambitious and beautiful people. So what's the problem?

Lets find out together, shall we?

And my co-hosts tonight: 12kyle & Eb the Celeb... and if you've ever read either of their blogs, you know they have a lil faux feud going on that will make this segment SO MUCH FUN. In fact, they've already begun trash talking via email, so I can only imagine what tonight will bring!

In the meantime, feel free to add any questions/comments you may have for the opposite sex in the comment section, and I'll try to bring it up during the segment tonight.

Be there or be SQUARE!

*smooches...still kinda mad about the Giants' game*
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alls I know is, the Eagles better not go all the way...HMPH!

I'm Not Setting The Best Example Here

The babies and I found ourselves talking about noses somehow, and I mentioned that I had the Penzo nose- it has a lil bump on the bridge, very Romanesque, and it runs in my father's side of the family.

I happen to mention to K that she had a lil button nose as a baby, but now, she, too, was showing signs of that tell-tale sign of being a Penzo.

And of course, any chance for N to be an annoying little sister, she's gonna jump on it. Believe you me!

N (pointing to Ks face): You do have a bump... YOU'RE A PENZO!!!

K: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

My bad... did I give the impression that being a Penzo was a bad thing??

*smooches...wondering if any of "them" read this blog*
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*yawn* whatever, they know they're wack. they don't need a blog to tell them so...

"One Of These Kids Is Not Like The Other..."

Why was that the song that popped in my head when I saw this picture?



Photo source: AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

Look at them, all smiles n shit, like Clinton wasn't trash talkin Obama during the primaries, like Bush Sr. ain't hatin on Clinton's smug ass, like Carter even knows what day it is, like Bush Jr. ain't counting down the minutes til he can go watch Spongebob Squarepants and like Obama isn't as high as a freakin kite wondering where he can score some Cool Ranch Doritos right quick (weed lips, people, I keep telling you...)!

I see this picture, and instead of thinking, "Wow, look at my former leaders with the future President" I'm thinking of that SNL Cartoon, The X-Presidents!

Oh please, Mr. Smigel, PLEASE have an episode planned for after Obama takes office... I NEED to see that episode!!!

*smooches...bringing "inappropriate" back...*
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it's okay, tho, I live in America and I can make fun of any elected official I want, past or present. watch me!

Jaded Book Giveaway No. 3

You know the deal:

I got lots o' books, but no space to keep them. So I'm giving them away like CRAZY EDDIE!

But to get these freebies, you must first prove your literary worthiness by identifying the book and author from which this passage was taken:

When she got to where they were she turned her face on the bander log and spoke. They scrambled a noisy ''good evenin' " and left their mouths setting open and their ears full of hope. Her speech was pleasant enough, but she kept walking straight on to her gate. The porch couldn't talk for looking.

The men noticed her firm buttocks like she had grape fruits in her hip pockets; the great rope of black hair swinging to her waist and unraveling in the wind like a plume; then her pugnacious breasts trying to bore holes in her shirt. They, the men, were saving with the mind what they lost with the eye. The women took the faded shirt and muddy overalls and laid them away for remembrance. It was a weapon against her strength and if it turned out of no significance, still it was a hope that she might fall to their level some day.

But nobody moved, nobody spoke, nobody even thought to swallow spit until after her gate slammed behind her.

So... do you know it?? Winner can choose any three books from my Freebie box. Wait- that sounded dirty... never mind... you know what I meant!

*smooches...feeding my fellow bibliophiles' addictions*
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now y'all let me know if these are too easy, if I need to start putting on my High-Brow-Literary-Snob cap with these giveaways, 'cause I'll do it!

I've Accepted That I'm A Work-In-Progress...

...and I'll always be. I'm never finished, never satisfied, never done. I feel like if I stop moving, doing, wanting, I'll drop where I stand and no one will ever know I was here.

This is what motivates my words, my work, my actions.

I want you to know I was here. I want to linger in your memories, even 20 years from now... I want you to hear the words "Hey y'all!" and think, "OMG, I remember this chick from NYC used to say that mess all the damn time!"

-SIDE NOTE-
Did you listen to my show last night? Darius Williams of Everyday Cookin' [dot] com and I did a Cooking 101 segment, and you really should have tuned in! It was crazy fun and we had some really informative and helpful tips for all you non-cooks out there. You can download the podcast by clicking here.
-END TRANSMISSION-

In light of this new declaration, this newly adopted affirmation and acceptance of my non-perfectness, I hereby proclaim: I will no longer use my TO DO list as an excuse to keep "love" and "companionship" at arms length. No more waiting until my finances are straight or my stories are published or my babies are out of the house.

Not that I'm going to stop doing what I have to do to get where I want to be, just, you know, I might maybe maybe maybe tuck away the *Side Eye* from time to time and maybe maybe maybe *GASP* smile sometimes. I know, scary, right? I'm not even sure I know how to smile without alcohol in my system!

But every year I try to make one or two improvements in my life; last year I stopped obsessing over celebrity gossip and gave up cow's milk; this year I think I'll actually (maybe maybe maybe) open myself up to the possibility of (maybe maybe maybe)... romance n shit.

I'm going to still be me, a less stank version of me, but me nonetheless: the snarky, silly, crazy, ambitious, messy, curly-haired, Spicy Latina you all "know" and love.

Dude(s) will just have to deal with a Jaded NYer who's always on the move, peeking over the neighbor's fence, dreaming of the great beyond and planning for every possible life imaginable. Just a little less stank.

He'll have to deal with that and love me anyway. Because I said so, dammit.

And I, in turn, will (kinda maybe perhaps) accept that he, too, is not all he wants to be, yet, but is doing all he can to get there.

There I said it. But I'm warning you- if I read comments from you talking bout, "Jaded's gone SOFT in '09, y'all!" I'm coming for you.

SHUT. UP.

*smooches...with no one in particular in mind*
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and even if there were someone, you know I'd never tell *wink*