Thursday, June 28, 2007

Never Go to Church Hungry...

...because the preacher might actually start to make sense!
I took my girls to church with my mom on Sunday. And of course I was running late. So we didn't stop for breakfast- just went straight into the sanctuary and sat down just in time for the sermon.

Sunday's lesson, complete with chalkboard and PowerPoint presentation, was on the spirit. Now, the pastor meant the third of the Holy Trinity, but while my stomach began to devour my other organs in desperation and the dizziness set in, I interpreted his message as spirit in the general sense. And taken that way, what he had to say was...wait for it...RATIONAL!!

I know. I was frightened, too.

He drew this diagram:

And explained that those who do not "believe" operate solely to appease the body and the soul. They are called "celebrities" LOL- just kidding...couldn't resist...but you get the drift. These non-believers allow "worldly" influences to dictate their actions.

However, those who believe and allow the "spirit" to influence the body and soul IN SPITE OF the other "worldly" and outside influences, well, those folks are complete.

Complete. It's not the word he used, but it's how I imagine one must feel when everything in their life is in perfect equilibrium.

Now, if he had stopped right there, I would have signed a membership card and agreed to return the following Sunday right on the spot. But this is the problem a lot of preachers have- they never stop while they are ahead.

He continued his lesson with some "points" that are necessary in order to be a good Christian. At least I think that's what he was getting at. I can't remember because at that point I was seriously considering eating my own hand to appease the grumbling in my "soul-less" tummy.

And for the most part I agreed with him:

1. one needs "spirit" to feed the body and the soul

2. say kind words to one another

3. be thankful

4. submit to one another

But then, here it came, the part that keeps me from church every Sunday like a fat kid from P.E. class:

5. obedience

And he actually said- I kid you not- that obedience was FREEING! The obedience was a form of freedom because it affords us the luxury to NOT HAVE TO THINK. All the decisions are ALREADY MADE FOR US in the bible. And all we have to do is follow them and OBEY.

Really? Oh. How nice.

In that case, why don't I just sell my free will on eBay?

*smooches...laughing at a preacher's loose definition of freedom*
And when that fog horn blows
you know I will be coming home
And when that fog horn whistle blows
I got to hear it
I don't have to fear it