Inappropriate BBMs, Vol. 2

ME: So, what about me says, "Please send me a picture of your hard dick?"

Smarty P. Jones: LMAO!

Smarty P. Jones: Who sent you a pic?

ME: I mean, I saved it, but still...

Smarty P. Jones: *deceased*

Smarty P. Jones: *casket*

Smarty P. Jones: *slowsinging*

Smarty P. Jones: *flowerbringing*

Smarty P. Jones: *just dead*

*smooches...finding new ways to kill friends dead*
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who's next? oh, and I called dibs on Smarty's music & movie collection so y'all heffas just BACK OFF!

When All Else Fails

This has been an incredibly crazy/busy/exciting/tiring/[insert more adjectives that mean I had too much on my plate here] week for me. After a while without any real work to do I get slammed with THREE different clients handing me SIX different assignments. I'm forced to work around the clock, work on-site, wear real clothes, brush my hair- you name it.

This, of course, does not include all the things I do that aren't for money: spending time w/my kids, keeping house, maintaining this (and other) sites, personal writing projects, writing workshops and oh yeah, sleep.

Well I'm not used to any of it. It's stressing me out. I'm eating as a result of anxiety instead of hunger. Subsequently, my pants are getting snug again. *sigh* I need a clone.

And I don't mean to complain about any of the good fortune that has fallen on my lap in the last couple of weeks, but it's all happening at once and I wasn't ready for it. I feel like I brought a knife to a gun fight!*

Now we all know I don't put too much stock in religion or the Catholic Church or any of that hubbub, but the one thing I kept from my childhood for when there's TOO MUCH going on that I cannot escape is this:



Although I have to say- I could care less about Serenity and I PISS on courage... all I really want it that damn WISDOM! "Should I go for the job in PA?" "Does he really like me or is this a fling?" "Am I doing the right thing for my girls?" "Is it really a terrible thing to subsist on a diet of Buffalo wings and oatmeal raisin cookies?"

Anyone got any WISDOM lying around for me? My brain & body are tired and I don't feel like thinking for myself...

*smooches...wishing there were someone else to do what I need to do*
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or someone else to help. Oh fuck it- someone to take care of me... THERE! I said it! I WANT SOMEONE TO COME AND TAKE CARE OF ME!!! *sobs all over your keyboard*

*also, if you can tell me what movie I stole that phrase from, I'll send you a FREE Jaded Tshirt

I Will Know He's The One If...

...I allow myself to cry in front of him

...he meets none of my "LIST" criteria yet I cannot stop thinking of him

...he has a last name that will complement the name Altagracia (should we have a daughter)

...I feel safe when he holds me

...he makes me laugh until I pee my pants

...he doesn't care if I pee my pants when I laugh

...I don't think twice before bringing him around my friends

...I refuse to write about him in this blog

...I start to act all domestic

...he gives me a Montblanc fountain pen instead of a diamond solitaire when he proposes

*smooches...still too Jaded to recognize him*
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I've kinda resigned myself to the single life. If he shows up, awesome. If not? Well, there's always porn...

Giving Back For Real, Pt. 2

I had this Penzo Uncle; he was the baby of the family. He was also my Padrino.

(see that little girl with her back to the camera in the dark blue jacket & messy hair? C'est moi!)

Somewhere along the way Padrino got hooked on drugs, and his addiction ended up taking his life by way of a little epidemic you might have heard of: AIDS. We weren't particularly close, but he died during my sophomore year of college so I was very aware of the circumstances surrounding his death and I visited his frail shell of himself in the hospital and it was a bit jostling.

You know, every disease that's out there that's killing people en masse doesn't seem real until it takes someone you know personally. AIDS was just an acronym to me, a condition that seemed really sad in movies like An Early Frost or And The Band Played On, but it was too abstract for me until I got that call from my Penzo Grandmother about Padrino. AIDS will take you down, my friend, no matter how you contract it, it will take you down.

I say this as a precursor to asking you to sponsor my BFF Alex in the Chicago Half Marathon in an effort to raise money for the AIDS Foundation of Chicago. I understand money is tight so I won't pull out the machete this time. But if you believe in the cause and have a few dollars to spare, it'd be awesome if you could donate.

I'd love to be able to say I saw the cure for AIDS in my lifetime...

*smooches...hoping this epidemic stays away from the rest of my loved ones*
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actually, I'd like ALL epidemics to stay away from my loved ones; how about that?!

Giving Back For Real, Pt. 1

On Saturday I participated in a community service event in the Bronx that really spoke to me. What I did wasn't that elaborate or back-breakingly hard, but the people I met and spoke with made me realize how many kids are in my own city who need us.

And by us I mean those of us from the 'hood who've made it out alive and well. Those of us who went to college and have jobs and careers and family support and have never been on the wrong side of the law.

One 8th-grade science teacher told me one of her students was a parent two-times over already. I almost fainted! TWO KIDS in the 8th GRADE? Another teacher mentioned that many of his students had never even been to Central Park, even though it's probably only a 15 minute train ride from Hunts Point.

That made me so sad for them, to know that they have this huge, wonderful city at their disposal and can't even enjoy it. It also made me want to hug my mom for taking me out of Bed-Stuy all the time. We took so many trips throughout all five-boros when I was a kid and I can't believe it took me this long to realize not all mothers were as cool as her.

After it was all said and done I gave the team leader my contact info so that I could volunteer at the other events they had coming up in other sections of NYC. And I know how much you all LOVE me and how CARING and GIVING you all are, so I figured I'd post the flier here for you to sign up.



I think it would be awesome if the NYC Bloggers could get together and give up a few hours of their time for a really good cause, don't you? No pressure, though... *sharpens machete*

*smooches...receiving so much goodness that it only felt right to distribute it*
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clearly I'm experiencing one of my UP cycles; enjoy it while you can... you know the DOWN is probably just right around the corner!

and a special shout out to my boy Josh for sending the info for the Bronx event. It was my pleasure to help out :)