So on the heels of my "strange ailments" post (which was just yesterday, in case your memory sucks as bad as mine), a wicked headache has befallen me. And yes, I had to say it all dramatic like that because this pain is unlike any headache I've ever known...
My Bengali doctor, who I loathe but had to see because there's no one else, is sending me to a neurologist. So I need a break right now to wrap my head around this, pun intended, because y'all know how much I hate/fear doctors. Especially specialists.
**********
In the meantime, I'm gonna need for you to go to Brother Omi's page (CLICK HERE), and read about Army Private First Class LaVena Johnson, allegedly killed by her own fellow servicemen (and I'm only throwing that "allegedly" in there as a courtesy, 'cause you know I *STAY* subscribing to all kinds of conspiracy theories), and how her parents are fighting to get a Congressional investigation to solve their daughter's murder. Because so far, they've tried to say it was suicide.
But read it for yourself... my head hurts even more just thinking about that shit... and then sign the petition; don't let that child's murderers get away with it.
*smooches...looking for any distraction from yet ANOTHER health scare*
-----------
I'll be back next week some time; prob Monday. just give me a minute to collect myself...
Friday, August 01, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
I Have The Strangest Ailments...
But first-
NYers (and those who envy us)... it's that time of the month again... FIRST SATURDAYS at the BROOKLYN MUSEUM! And this month, lord help me, the theme is centered around the West Indies!!!!!
And you know what that means... the dance party at the end of the night will be chock full of REGGAE!!!! Roots, dancehall, dub... you name the reggae style and it will be played! So come on out, enjoy the evening's festivities (which includes steel pan music at 3PM, a film, arts and crafts, a dance troupe) and watch me make a fool of myself on the dance floor. SOBER! :-D
**********
Now back to my ailments...
You ever get something and say to yourself "This mess only happens to me?"
While I was living in Riverdale, I'd get these terrible dizzy spells where it felt like I was riding a sit n spin on top of a water bed. Something as simple as looking to my right would make the room turn and turn. It made me so nauseous I couldn't stand it.
I finally went to the doctor... and of course I walked my dizzy ass the 6 blocks over there instead of asking my ex to drive me, because I'm stubborn like that, being very careful not to move my head from side to side and taking slow, steady and calculated steps. I must have looked a hot ghetto mess.
When I get there, my very stern and efficient German doctor (oh how I miss Dr. Schumann! she was no joke; all business, no coddling, just here's the deal, here's what you need to do about it, now goodbye!) ran a series of weird "tests" where she made me sit up, grabbed my head and then very quickly made me lie down and asked if I was dizzy.
HELL YEAH, BITCH, DAMN! Warn somebody before you do that mess!
Next she turned my head from side to side really fast and asked the same thing. Then she asked me to lay down and grabbed me again, this time making me sit up quickly and forcing me back down again. I was seriously thinking to myself, "This woman has lost it! What the hell is she doing? And WHERE did she go to Medical School? Nazi Germa... oh... never mind..."
Finally she sits me up carefully and says in her uber thick German accent:
"You have vertigo. Take this for the nausea. Don't work until you are feeling better."
And sent me on my way.
Vertigo! Like in the freakin' movie. Can you believe that mess?
At the risk of getting snatched up again, I asked her what causes it, and she said an inner ear imbalance, perhaps tiny crystallized whatevers loose in my inner ear, banging around in there, cause me to be all helter-skelter. And no, she couldn't go in there and get it because the inner ear is oh so delicate and the whatevers were so teeny tiny... there was no way. Sonofa...
A few months later, the whole vertigo incident behind me, I felt something strange in the back of my throat. Something like food that was refusing to be swallowed, as if my throat was not allowing it.
I tried everything- brushing, drinking different liquids- hot, cold, fizzy- but nothing would get rid of whatever was back there.
Finally, I took a flash light, tried to keep my gag reflex in check and went to investigate. Right there on the right side all the way in the back of my throat... some unidentified white spots. I immediately freaked out- Cancer? VD? And if it's VD will the judge show leniency after I kill my ex for giving it to me?
(Because of course I was looking for any reason to prove he'd been unfaithful and gave me something, so that I could make out like a bandit in divorce court...)
I was in a total state of panic, but for some reason, I went in there with the back part of my toothbrush and started poking at the white spots. AND ONE OF THE "SPOTS' BECAME DISLODGED AND I ALMOST CHOKED ON IT!!!!
Talk about freaking out! A voice in my head was like "Oh my god! We swallowed VD!!!"
Again, I went to Dr. Schumann, who also went in there with a tongue depressor and dislodged a couple of the "VD spots" (that's what The Voices and I called them) and said:
"They are calcium deposits stuck in pockets of your tonsils. Go see this ENT to be sure."
The ENT confirmed it- I had these deep pockets on my tonsils that would ocassionally collect these calcium deposits. WHAT THE HELL? He said all I could do was let my throat muscles dislodge it naturally or do it myself as I had done at home with a tongue depressor, etc.
"Can't you seal up the pockets or something?"
"No, the area on your tonsils is too delicate and have many tiny capillaries. You could bleed out if I try to suture it."
WORD?!
"Well, then, can you just take out my tonsils?"
He starts laughing this pompous little laugh that made me want to give him a swift slap across the face.
"No, no, we don't remove tonsils anymore."
Right at that moment, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I contemplated a quick trip to Santo Domingo, where they have NO PROBLEMS removing your tonsils and hell, why not, even your inner ear!
I tell you, man... this nonsense only happens to me...
*smooches...wondering what fresh hell my 40s will bring*
------------
my twenties were all about ENT trouble and my thirties is looking like the decade of the reproductive organs. next up, I guess all that will be left is for my left eyeball to just pop out of its socket and dangle around my nose.
but they won't be able to fix it, you see, because the area around my eyes is much to delicate and might bleed out. And they don't *do* those kids of operations in the U.S. anymore...
NYers (and those who envy us)... it's that time of the month again... FIRST SATURDAYS at the BROOKLYN MUSEUM! And this month, lord help me, the theme is centered around the West Indies!!!!!
And you know what that means... the dance party at the end of the night will be chock full of REGGAE!!!! Roots, dancehall, dub... you name the reggae style and it will be played! So come on out, enjoy the evening's festivities (which includes steel pan music at 3PM, a film, arts and crafts, a dance troupe) and watch me make a fool of myself on the dance floor. SOBER! :-D
**********
Now back to my ailments...
You ever get something and say to yourself "This mess only happens to me?"
While I was living in Riverdale, I'd get these terrible dizzy spells where it felt like I was riding a sit n spin on top of a water bed. Something as simple as looking to my right would make the room turn and turn. It made me so nauseous I couldn't stand it.
I finally went to the doctor... and of course I walked my dizzy ass the 6 blocks over there instead of asking my ex to drive me, because I'm stubborn like that, being very careful not to move my head from side to side and taking slow, steady and calculated steps. I must have looked a hot ghetto mess.
When I get there, my very stern and efficient German doctor (oh how I miss Dr. Schumann! she was no joke; all business, no coddling, just here's the deal, here's what you need to do about it, now goodbye!) ran a series of weird "tests" where she made me sit up, grabbed my head and then very quickly made me lie down and asked if I was dizzy.
HELL YEAH, BITCH, DAMN! Warn somebody before you do that mess!
Next she turned my head from side to side really fast and asked the same thing. Then she asked me to lay down and grabbed me again, this time making me sit up quickly and forcing me back down again. I was seriously thinking to myself, "This woman has lost it! What the hell is she doing? And WHERE did she go to Medical School? Nazi Germa... oh... never mind..."
Finally she sits me up carefully and says in her uber thick German accent:
"You have vertigo. Take this for the nausea. Don't work until you are feeling better."
And sent me on my way.
Vertigo! Like in the freakin' movie. Can you believe that mess?
At the risk of getting snatched up again, I asked her what causes it, and she said an inner ear imbalance, perhaps tiny crystallized whatevers loose in my inner ear, banging around in there, cause me to be all helter-skelter. And no, she couldn't go in there and get it because the inner ear is oh so delicate and the whatevers were so teeny tiny... there was no way. Sonofa...
A few months later, the whole vertigo incident behind me, I felt something strange in the back of my throat. Something like food that was refusing to be swallowed, as if my throat was not allowing it.
I tried everything- brushing, drinking different liquids- hot, cold, fizzy- but nothing would get rid of whatever was back there.
Finally, I took a flash light, tried to keep my gag reflex in check and went to investigate. Right there on the right side all the way in the back of my throat... some unidentified white spots. I immediately freaked out- Cancer? VD? And if it's VD will the judge show leniency after I kill my ex for giving it to me?
(Because of course I was looking for any reason to prove he'd been unfaithful and gave me something, so that I could make out like a bandit in divorce court...)
I was in a total state of panic, but for some reason, I went in there with the back part of my toothbrush and started poking at the white spots. AND ONE OF THE "SPOTS' BECAME DISLODGED AND I ALMOST CHOKED ON IT!!!!
Talk about freaking out! A voice in my head was like "Oh my god! We swallowed VD!!!"
Again, I went to Dr. Schumann, who also went in there with a tongue depressor and dislodged a couple of the "VD spots" (that's what The Voices and I called them) and said:
"They are calcium deposits stuck in pockets of your tonsils. Go see this ENT to be sure."
The ENT confirmed it- I had these deep pockets on my tonsils that would ocassionally collect these calcium deposits. WHAT THE HELL? He said all I could do was let my throat muscles dislodge it naturally or do it myself as I had done at home with a tongue depressor, etc.
"Can't you seal up the pockets or something?"
"No, the area on your tonsils is too delicate and have many tiny capillaries. You could bleed out if I try to suture it."
WORD?!
"Well, then, can you just take out my tonsils?"
He starts laughing this pompous little laugh that made me want to give him a swift slap across the face.
"No, no, we don't remove tonsils anymore."
Right at that moment, I'd be lying if I didn't tell you that I contemplated a quick trip to Santo Domingo, where they have NO PROBLEMS removing your tonsils and hell, why not, even your inner ear!
I tell you, man... this nonsense only happens to me...
*smooches...wondering what fresh hell my 40s will bring*
------------
my twenties were all about ENT trouble and my thirties is looking like the decade of the reproductive organs. next up, I guess all that will be left is for my left eyeball to just pop out of its socket and dangle around my nose.
but they won't be able to fix it, you see, because the area around my eyes is much to delicate and might bleed out. And they don't *do* those kids of operations in the U.S. anymore...
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Honest Politician=Oxymoron Of The Millenium
I dedicate this song to Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska, former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, soon to be former President George W. Bush, former President Bill Clinton, and those wishing to enter into the crazy world of high-stakes politics this election year...
Jill Scott - Comes to Light (Everything)
Oh, Sen. Stevens... you little scamp, you... why you did this for, homie?
Just greedy for no damn reason, I tell ya...
So listen up McCain, Obama; you better either come with it or hide it VERY, VERY well, bury it, even, because in this information age EVERYTHING comes to light. For real.
*smooches...wondering when people will learn*
----------
feel free to shout out your favorite "Honest" politician... I wanna hear ALL about it...
Jill Scott - Comes to Light (Everything)
Oh, Sen. Stevens... you little scamp, you... why you did this for, homie?
Just greedy for no damn reason, I tell ya...
So listen up McCain, Obama; you better either come with it or hide it VERY, VERY well, bury it, even, because in this information age EVERYTHING comes to light. For real.
*smooches...wondering when people will learn*
----------
feel free to shout out your favorite "Honest" politician... I wanna hear ALL about it...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Just So That We're Clear...
...Mr. Gringo, who said into his phone outside of Sophie's Cuban Cuisine:
"I'm at the new Spanish place on 23rd...does it matter? They're all the same..."
Cubans are not Dominicans
and Dominicans are not Puerto Ricans
and Puerto Ricans are not Belizeans
and Belizeans are not Costa Ricans
and Costa Ricans are not Salvadorans
and Salvadorans are not Guatemalans
and Guatemalans are not Hondurans
and Hondurans are not Nicaraguans
and Nicaraguans are not Panamanians
and Panamanians are not Argentinians
and Argentinians are not Bolivians
and Bolivians are not Chileans
and Chileans are not Colombians
and Colombians are not Ecuadorians
and Ecuadorians are not Paraguayans
and Paraguayans are not Peruvians
and Peruvians are not Uruguayans
and Uruguayans are not Venezuelans
and Venezuelans are not Mexicans
and hardly ANY OF THEM are Spanish, not anymore. We haven't been Spanish for a hot minute.
Maybe a long, long time ago, some Spaniards came over to what is now known as Latin and Central America and the Caribbean, and took over some lands owned by the Mayans or the Incas or the Arawaks, brought some Africans and a few Chinamen over with them, forced a new language/culture/religion on them, and maybe all those territories share that little tidbit of history with one another, but that's where the similarities end.
So I'd thank you kindly to not lump us all into one group, as if each unique heritage means diddly squat; as if you can exchange one for the other with a flick of your wrist and it wouldn't matter.
I don't know the first thing about what it's like to be Uruguayan...
However, I'm sure I can speak for all of "US" when I say maldita sea tu madre, cabron!
*smooches...glad I was able to maintain my composure on the street*
----------
I mean seriously? for REAL? that's what you think of us? you are so lucky I have some sense; that whole scenario might have ended differently...
"I'm at the new Spanish place on 23rd...does it matter? They're all the same..."
Cubans are not Dominicans
and Dominicans are not Puerto Ricans
and Puerto Ricans are not Belizeans
and Belizeans are not Costa Ricans
and Costa Ricans are not Salvadorans
and Salvadorans are not Guatemalans
and Guatemalans are not Hondurans
and Hondurans are not Nicaraguans
and Nicaraguans are not Panamanians
and Panamanians are not Argentinians
and Argentinians are not Bolivians
and Bolivians are not Chileans
and Chileans are not Colombians
and Colombians are not Ecuadorians
and Ecuadorians are not Paraguayans
and Paraguayans are not Peruvians
and Peruvians are not Uruguayans
and Uruguayans are not Venezuelans
and Venezuelans are not Mexicans
and hardly ANY OF THEM are Spanish, not anymore. We haven't been Spanish for a hot minute.
Maybe a long, long time ago, some Spaniards came over to what is now known as Latin and Central America and the Caribbean, and took over some lands owned by the Mayans or the Incas or the Arawaks, brought some Africans and a few Chinamen over with them, forced a new language/culture/religion on them, and maybe all those territories share that little tidbit of history with one another, but that's where the similarities end.
So I'd thank you kindly to not lump us all into one group, as if each unique heritage means diddly squat; as if you can exchange one for the other with a flick of your wrist and it wouldn't matter.
I don't know the first thing about what it's like to be Uruguayan...
However, I'm sure I can speak for all of "US" when I say maldita sea tu madre, cabron!
*smooches...glad I was able to maintain my composure on the street*
----------
I mean seriously? for REAL? that's what you think of us? you are so lucky I have some sense; that whole scenario might have ended differently...
Monday, July 28, 2008
Muslims Smoke Weed?...And Other Musings
Another weekend come and gone... here's what happened in my part of the world...
My Braid Game Needs Work!
Babies left with their dad again, so I had to make sure their hair was on point so that they are not embarrassing me all over Rockland County (OH LAWD.. I sound like mami...), and it literally took me over 4 hours to braid N's hair.
I've lost my magic touch! I mean yeah- she's got a lot of hair and it's crazy long, but DAMN! The style wasn't even that intricate or anything, just braids, and it took me FOUR PINCHE HOURS.
Now just imagine what's gonna happen when it's time to take those bad boys out... coñaso!! That's not gonna help my carpal tunnel AT. ALL.
The Wackness Is The Dopeness
Saw the movie. Loved the movie. Highly recommend the movie.
Except... well... the dude that played Luke (the Josh half of Nickelodeon's Drake and Josh) has this thing he does... when he's waiting to deliver his line, he lets his mouth hang open. And it was kind of annoying. I was fully expecting saliva to start falling out. For real.
But other than that, the movie rocked. And the soundtrack? Fuggetaboutit!
My Radio Debut
Don't know how many of you listened, but I had fun. I think it went well although I kinda refused to listen to it at first on account of me HATING my voice and all... But when I did listen I liked myself on the air. Reminded me of my WALF days with Celia...3AM to 7AM, while pregnant, spinning the tunes for all the drunk frats and sorors on campus... ahh the good ol days.
I'm even entertaining the idea of hosting my own show. Can you imagine? Jadedness coming to you LIVE once a week? Can you handle it?
Shout out to Irene for calling in and taking some pressure off, 'cause you know your girl here was trying real hard to keep her stage fright under control, right?!
And special thanks to the host, Classy Deeva- girl, I had fun, and I will be tuning in from now on! If you missed it, you can listen to it here.
Muslims Smoke Weed?
DUDE- you are sooooo busted! Why even TRY and act like you were not just on the front stoop tokin' up with your buddy? Don't you know how that smell likes to linger?
And do you think I didn't notice how quickly you and your buddy high-tailed it off the porch as soon as you saw me approaching? Just how dumb do you think I am?
Wait 'til I tell your uncle...
Sergio Vargas And I Need To Have A Love Child
I don't care what anyone says...
I LOVE HIM. WE NEED TO MEET AND FALL IN LOVE. AND HAVE MANY BEAUTIFUL DOMINICAN BABIES.
When he sings, the whole world disappears and nothing else matters except that voice.
And I apologize for giving y'all vertigo with that video clip, but when Sergio sings I cannot stay still!!
"DUDE! My Kids Are RIGHT HERE!"
That's what I had to say to Joey the Yankee Fan who was seated behind me at Friday's Mets game and kept trying to kick it to me. For real? In front of my kids? Yo- that's GRIMY!
I mean really, who does that? I'll tell you who: an old enough to know better PRican from the Bronx. That's who. He was attractive and all, but his approach was ALL WRONG, so he got two thumbs down... from me AND K, who by the way thought it was hysterical that I was being asked out... what's THAT supposed to mean? HMPH!
*smooches...looking to get into some new trouble while the babies are away*
----------
meanwhile, I was serious on the show when I said the man who shows up at my door with a maid to clean my apartment gets me for life. For real. So hop to it, gentlemen... I ain't gettin' any younger... there's a home-cooked meal made with love by yours truly for the first one over here...
My Braid Game Needs Work!
Babies left with their dad again, so I had to make sure their hair was on point so that they are not embarrassing me all over Rockland County (OH LAWD.. I sound like mami...), and it literally took me over 4 hours to braid N's hair.
I've lost my magic touch! I mean yeah- she's got a lot of hair and it's crazy long, but DAMN! The style wasn't even that intricate or anything, just braids, and it took me FOUR PINCHE HOURS.
Now just imagine what's gonna happen when it's time to take those bad boys out... coñaso!! That's not gonna help my carpal tunnel AT. ALL.
The Wackness Is The Dopeness
Saw the movie. Loved the movie. Highly recommend the movie.
Except... well... the dude that played Luke (the Josh half of Nickelodeon's Drake and Josh) has this thing he does... when he's waiting to deliver his line, he lets his mouth hang open. And it was kind of annoying. I was fully expecting saliva to start falling out. For real.
But other than that, the movie rocked. And the soundtrack? Fuggetaboutit!
My Radio Debut
Don't know how many of you listened, but I had fun. I think it went well although I kinda refused to listen to it at first on account of me HATING my voice and all... But when I did listen I liked myself on the air. Reminded me of my WALF days with Celia...3AM to 7AM, while pregnant, spinning the tunes for all the drunk frats and sorors on campus... ahh the good ol days.
I'm even entertaining the idea of hosting my own show. Can you imagine? Jadedness coming to you LIVE once a week? Can you handle it?
Shout out to Irene for calling in and taking some pressure off, 'cause you know your girl here was trying real hard to keep her stage fright under control, right?!
And special thanks to the host, Classy Deeva- girl, I had fun, and I will be tuning in from now on! If you missed it, you can listen to it here.
Muslims Smoke Weed?
DUDE- you are sooooo busted! Why even TRY and act like you were not just on the front stoop tokin' up with your buddy? Don't you know how that smell likes to linger?
And do you think I didn't notice how quickly you and your buddy high-tailed it off the porch as soon as you saw me approaching? Just how dumb do you think I am?
Wait 'til I tell your uncle...
Sergio Vargas And I Need To Have A Love Child
I don't care what anyone says...
I LOVE HIM. WE NEED TO MEET AND FALL IN LOVE. AND HAVE MANY BEAUTIFUL DOMINICAN BABIES.
When he sings, the whole world disappears and nothing else matters except that voice.
And I apologize for giving y'all vertigo with that video clip, but when Sergio sings I cannot stay still!!
"DUDE! My Kids Are RIGHT HERE!"
That's what I had to say to Joey the Yankee Fan who was seated behind me at Friday's Mets game and kept trying to kick it to me. For real? In front of my kids? Yo- that's GRIMY!
I mean really, who does that? I'll tell you who: an old enough to know better PRican from the Bronx. That's who. He was attractive and all, but his approach was ALL WRONG, so he got two thumbs down... from me AND K, who by the way thought it was hysterical that I was being asked out... what's THAT supposed to mean? HMPH!
*smooches...looking to get into some new trouble while the babies are away*
----------
meanwhile, I was serious on the show when I said the man who shows up at my door with a maid to clean my apartment gets me for life. For real. So hop to it, gentlemen... I ain't gettin' any younger... there's a home-cooked meal made with love by yours truly for the first one over here...
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