Don't Get Caught With Nasty Food

Once I went to an engagement party for my mom's friends that was long and drawn out, but I sat patiently through all the praying and foolishness because the food smells were calling to me. When it came time to eat...the chicken was bland and undercooked, the rice flavorless and god knows what else because I checked out mentally after that riceFAIL. Horrific disaster!

I'd really hate for my readers to get caught out there with the yucky holiday fixins, so tonight on Monday Musings we're doing a Holiday Cooking special with the homie Darius T. Williams of Everyday Cookin'.


From a simple cocktail party to your holiday feast, tune in tonight to avoid having me talk about your nasty-ass food on my blog.

*smooches...showing my food-snobbiness*
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there's nothing worse on the planet than bad food at a party. or bad food anywhere, BLECH, just don't so it!!

Jaded Photographs 2010: December Edititon

1993

*smooches...reminiscing about the good ol days*
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I used to have this collage prominently displayed in my dorm room; I forgot how much I loved it!

Go Outside And Live LIFE!

"Our culture is obsessed with 'reality' precisely because we are experiencing hardly any."

-book description of Reality Hunger: A Manifesto by David Shields

*smooches...vowing to live more from now on*
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I spend entirely too much time in front of the computer screen. and then I wonder why my attention span is at 4.2 seconds...

Taking The Show On The Road

Although it is proving to be a lot more of a hassle than I expected, on December 11th I will be hosting a reading in Washington, DC. That's right- the same gathering of writers and poets some of you have had the pleasure of witnessing in Manhattan and Brooklyn is traveling south to bring some literary goodness to the Nation's capital.



Why would I add this stress in my life? Well, why not? I have a good story I'd like to share, and maybe I don't want to wait until the January reading here in New York to share it. Or maybe I'm hoping to gain a new audience. Or maybe I'm expecting to be discovered in DC since NY isn't showing me the love I thought it would.

Whatever the reason, I'm planning to be #PublishedBy2011, and it's not going to happen by limiting myself to the three people that come to my NYC readings. I don't believe my own hype; I need more people. And if I have to go to DC to get them, then so be it.

If you're in the area on the 11th I expect to see you. Please, I'm not in the mood to threaten you today...

*smooches...excited for this new venture*
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and be on the lookout for readings in other cities, too, in 2011. I ain't playin witch'all, I'm getting published next year!

Top 10 Conspiracy Theories That Will Get Me Shot

10- Doctors and insurance companies are in cahoots with the government to keep us in fear of our inevitable deaths, over-medicated and dependent on the latest news items from The New England Journal of Medicine, or as I like to call it, The Quack's Bible.

9- Healthy food costs more money so that poor folks will have a hard time maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Why? See number 10.

8- The Pope isn't really Catholic and he's had sex before. With multiple partners. Lots of them of the same sex AND underage.

7- Google is really SkyNet in a very thinly veiled disguise and has already begun to think for itself. The impending robot war is close at hand.

6- Obama is really a White dude with an afro wig and a tan ala C. Thomas Howell in "Soul Man."

5- JFK was not shot by Oswald. Has anyone ever looked into what old man Onasis was doing that day? Mhmm. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..."

4- The graphic novel-turned-TV Show, "The Walking Dead," is really NRA propaganda. How convenient that the best way to defend yourself against a zombie invasion is with a firearm. YOU'RE NOT FOOLING ME, FAKE MOSES Charlton Heston! I see right through you! I don't care if you're dead!

3- We never landed on the moon, and if you look real close at the footage of the "moon landing" you can see the cables attached to the "astronauts" as they walk around in "space."

2- There are hidden cameras in my apartment and my phones are tapped, because my landlord is a member of some sort of terrorist cell and The Man thinks I'm a part of it. This doesn't stop me from walking around in the buff, though. If you're gonna watch, shiiiiit, I'm gonna give you a show. The SHOW OF A LIFETIME!

1- Sean Combs and Suge Knight orchestrated Biggie & Tupac's deaths, respectively, to line their own pockets with millions in record sales. Rat bastards. That's right, I said that shit. AND WHAT?!?!

**This post has been brought to you by a food coma, drafty apartment and keyboard courage. If I end up dead because of a 'mysterious' or 'unfortunate' accident, you'll know why. Avenge me.**

*smooches...writing these things because I can*
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Who gon' check me, boo?