The Y-Chromosome Always Knows...And Other Musings...

My weekly installment of, "I'm still here just ain't got much to say to y'all right this minute." It will probably go on for all of March and maybe April. Hope you're finding other stuff to do with your spare blog-reading time :P

Another Reading You're Probably Gonna Ignore
I've come to realize that a lot of people only support my efforts in theory while the rest of you probably send me evil, hate vibes. That only leaves a tiny percent that are ride or die. It's cool, though. Here's some more shit to hate on:



Be there or... oh who am I kidding...I'm starting to care less and less if you come out to this shit anymore. Do with this information what you will.

I Have A Lot Of Guy Friends
And while I consider them to be just that- friends- a lot of you out there are of the impression that platonic relationships between men & women are not possible. Oh yeah? Well let's take it to the airwaves on tonight's Mars vs. Venus segment of Monday Musings.



My co-host tonight is a dear blogging pal, C-Recks of Brothers' Blog, and we'd definitely like to hear everyone's thoughts on this here topic. And no, not just in the comments, but on the show. Stop being babies and tune in!

The Y-Chromosome Always Knows
Ladies- you ever have those days where you're feeling down and out, thinking you'll die alone and no one will ever want to date you again, and then BOOM! That ONE ex you didn't ever want to hear from again calls you, almost like he KNEW you were in a vulnerable place?

Yeah, that's because he DID know. See, men have this sort of "Spidey sense" that picks up on you feeling at your lowest so that he can swoop in and play with your emotions allllll over again. They can also use this Spidey Sense to detect when you're about to delete their contact information from your phone, move on to someone new or are feeling especially horny.



Protect yourself, ladies. Knowing is half the battle!

No, You Cannot Guest Blog. EVER.
For those of you who read The F$%k-It List's and Smarty's World's blogs, you know that we've sort of teamed up to do a type of Blogging Etiquette for those of you not in the know. This week, I'm here to educate you on the AUDACITY of asking someone (read: ME!) if you could be a guest writer on their site.



Here's the deal. Unless someone puts the word out looking for blog contributions, DON'T ASK THAT QUESTION. Especially if the blog in question, like mine, is a personal blog. People don't visit the Jaded NYer to read Joe Schmo's words. They come for The Jaded NYer's words. GET YOUR OWN FUCKING BLOG!

And don't try to sugar-coat it with, "I'm just tryna get my feet wet in this blogging game" because THAT, kind sir, will get you NOWHERE. Fuck I care whatchu trying to get wet? Take that shit over to St. Elsewhere because HERE, at The Jaded NYer [dot] net I'M THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED IN THE POOL.

My Kids Should Have A Reality Show
On a dare, I approached my kids with a little prank that went something like this:

ME: Ladies, I need to speak with you. As you know we're in a recession, money is tight, I'm not working as much and, well, we're gonna have to let one of you go.

N: K, you have to leave.

K: Why me? You're only in 4th grade. I'm the one who goes to [insert name of prestigious specialized high school here].

N: Yeah, but I'm the one going to college!

I really can't make this stuff up!

*smooches...crawling back into my cubby-hole of despair*
----------
yup. that's pretty much where I've been these last few weeks. and no, there's nothing you can do about it, but thanks for asking.

The BEST Six Minutes Of My LIFE... And Other Musings...

Hey my dearies; I'm here with a Monday post for you, the kind you LOVE, and I love to write for you. Although I won't be staying long, here's some tidbits of Jaded living for you to enjoy.

Rice Is My Best Friend
I make no apologies about it- if no one else is around I make a small pot of rice and eat it standing over the stove. By myself. A whole pot. Therefore you should not be surprised that my next Cooking 101 episode with Darius T. Williams (Everyday Cookin') on Monday Musings would be about the Wonderful World of Rice!



Yeah, you read correctly. Darius and I will offer you 10 scrumptiously delicious rice recipes to go with almost anything you're cooking. Tune in, you know you want to!

Participate In A Service Day. Because I Say So.
My homie Josh is in charge of getting some volunteers for a service day in April in the Boogie Down. I know how helpful and charitable you all are so I figured I'd pass along the information.



I think I'll show up in my Mets fitted, yes?

The BEST Six Minutes Of My Life
I'm told this video is three-years-old, but since I ONLY just saw it it's NEW TO ME. And on a day when I seriously was searching long and hard for reason to smile, this video gave it to me. Enjoy!



You can thank me by sending me free music.

I Punched My Muse In The Face
Part of my departure from these internets has to do with my love-hate relationship with my writing career. Namely my ability to make a living with words. In the heat of the moment, after exchanging a few heated words with my muse, I sort of lost my temper and, well, I socked her in the kisser.

I sometimes come on here threatening people with machetes and whatnot but rarely do I resort to physical violence in my real life. This, however, could not be helped.

So now she's not speaking to me. Which means, for all intents and purposes, I've been silenced. And I really can't say when we will make up. I've already apologized; now it's up to her to forgive me.

*smooches...taking another week-long sabbatical*
----------
Y'all come back on Monday, mmkay, because while the blog is on a break, the radio show is NOT.

Jaded Photographs 2010: March Edition

Alter Egos: Tahitian Vacation

*smooches...bringing my phone conversations w/Jack to life*
----------
his Libido seems to have absconded to the Tahitian Islands with my Muse & Motivation. I'm sure his Libido manipulated my poor girls...trouble-making mo-fo!

"...Everybody's Flying And Never Touch The Sky..."

It's been a while since I took me a little blogging/social media break. Now seems as good a time as any. Why? Oh the usual bullshit...I let some stuff go for far too long that I should have dealt with before and now I have no choice but to deal with it and it has me all down and depressed and verklempt so I need to isolate myself in order to figure it all out. That's all. Nothing major.



But before I go on sabbatical I want to mention a few things, because I'm not sure how long I will be gone:

1- Jamie Cullum is in NYC this week (at the Town Hall on the 4th), Res is in Brooklyn on the 12th and V.V. Brown is at the Mercury Lounge on the 27th and I want to see all these artists in concert. Feel free to sponsor those little outings for me.

2- My next literary reading is on the 20th. It's Women's History Month so that will probably be the theme of the event. If you want to participate or attend, contact me at laplumaylatinta@gmail.com

3- Monday Musings will most likely still be going on this month, even if I'm not blogging or tweeting, so be on the lookout for show info every week.

4- I'm thinking about putting my Netflix account on hold this month. I'm not sure if I will be able to do it but that subscription is a fucking crutch I need to shed. Quickly. I fear that K might strangle me in my sleep, though, because she's heavy into "Lost" right now, sooooo, maybe not.

5- I've really enjoyed being single, truly madly deeply enjoyed it. But, err, it's starting to get a bit old. Just thought I'd put that out there in The Universe...

*smooches...signing off for a week or so*
----------
I'm sure you'll be 10x more productive w/out this pesky blog taking up your day :D

Ten Best Picture Nominees?...And Other Musings

Happy Monday, folks. Here's some more of why you keep coming here:

Doses Of Reality
You all know JACK, right? My dearest darling gay husband? Last night, this love of my life helped me put some things in perspective as I lamented not accepting a certain ex's invitation to vacation with him in Puerto Rico last month.

ME: I should have gone...
JACK: No you shouldn't have
ME: But who else is offering me a free trip to Puerto Rico?
JACK: The DEVIL! The Devil offers free trips to Puerto Rico all the time!

(And in case you can't decipher Jack-speak, that is loosely translated to "Bitch PLEASE! He's wack and you were right for staying in NY")

Ten Best Picture Nominees?
If you know me you know one of my favorite pastimes is cutting down The Hollywood Machine as often as possible. From their lack of color on the small & silver screen to the unoriginal drivel they force down our throats, I believe my disdain for the entertainment industry is well-documented.


And tonight on Monday Musings I continue on that path as co-hosts Smarty Jones and newcomer and fellow movie junkie Malik 16 join me in a breakdown of the 2010 Best Picture nominees- ALL TEN OF THEM- just in time for Sunday's Oscar telecast. Tune in- you know you want to!

Since Some Of Y'all Have NO Home Trainin...
Far be it from me to tell someone else how to behave in social media land, really, because I keep showin' my ass alllllll over this here blog, your blog, twitter, Yahoo chats, BBM- you name it, I'm acting a fool in it.

But sometimes, SOMETIMES, people need to be, err, educated on how not to get they ass e-beat. Enter Smarty Jones & The F$%k-it List, who both approached me about doing a series of "Blogger Etiquette" posts throughout March and April.


You can read the first one here: No Swagger Jackin'!

Something STILL Ain't Right
I spent the entire weekend laying on my couch watching episodes of Law & Order: SVU, random (read: HORRIBLE) Netflix movies and sleeping. WTF? Just when I think I've got it together I don't. Right at the moment when I kinda sorta have a handle on my shit I collapse. There's work to be done and an apartment to keep under control and kids to oversee but all I can manage to do is lay on the couch. It feels like I'm outside myself watching this slothy loser wasting her life away.

Could it be that my subconscious mind does not want me to succeed in life? Is that possible? Does that really happen? And most importantly, can I crawl inside my mind and kick my subconscious' ass?

*smooches...struggling to get off the couch everyday*
----------
and now that I have this laptop, sheeeeiiiittttt, I don't even need to leave the couch to get online. smh. I'm a stone-cold MESS!