If You Want It You Got It

"Here is the thing. Yoga is not about bliss, but about honesty. Spirituality is not certainty, but the longing of the heart. Enlightenment is not ‘letting go’ of bad feelings, but understanding them, what they’re doing to us, and how they are expressed in the body." -Karin L. Burke

I'll be giving it a go again this weekend. Clearly I was in the wrong mindset before. Maybe this time it will stick.



If Lenny Kravits was my yoga instructor, though, I'd NEVER quit again!

*smooches...not so much inspiration for you but for me*
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I mean, it IS all about me anyway, always, every time

And That's Why She's Walking Around With A Black Eye

ME: (describing my fake alter egos) ...and then there's Maritza- she's a high school drop out, is loud, carries a razor tucked away in her mouth and will cut you if you even think about looking at her man...

N: Wait- how does your alter ego have a boyfriend but you don't.

ME: ...

*smooches...putting a 13-year-old up for sale on eBay*
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I mean the absolute NERVE

"Kind Naked Feet Pic: Bitch Please, I'm Dominican!"

Let me tell you what happens when you press the statistics tab on blogger: you find out the weird and fabulous ways people end up on your site. Someone actually looked up "kind naked feet pic" and was directed to my site. WHY? I hate feet- everyone knows that. I don't like looking at them, I don't like mine, I don't even like to measure things in "feet"!

Another bunch of crazies typed "bitch please, I'm Dominican" and was directed here and, umm, I don't recall ever writing something like that. SkyNet has clearly developed some sort of technology that reads minds via keystrokes. CLEARLY.

If you ask me this is more proof that Google has waged war with me because I know it's already become self-aware, and that the Robot Apocalypse is near.

I'm on to you, GOOGLE. You won't win. YOU WON'T WIN!

*smooches...thinking that my meds have stopped working*
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oh wait, I'm not taking any meds...

"Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!"

You know what people love to tell me and other singles, in general? "Relationships take work."

We've been married a gazillion years but it's not been easy, it's a lot of hard work.
To have a happy relationship you gotta put in the work.
If you work at it, both you and your partner will have a happy life.

Bitch, WHAT? WORK? As in MORE WORK THAN I ALREADY DO EVERY MOTHERFUCKING DAY?

Running a country is hard work. Changing a tire is hard work. Staying in love with someone long enough to not want to stab them in the face while they sleep should be a piece of cake! I shouldn't have to clock in and out of my relationship. Or look forward to vacation days away from my boo.

Love shouldn't be work. Love should be my refuge from all that nonsense out in the world. And now I'm to understand that the thing that's supposed to complement my life until the end of days ALSO takes WORK???

Nah, I'm good. Y'all can keep all of that. I think I'll go ahead and buy that Golden Girls house me and the homie Tiffany have been talking about; I got dibs on being Dorothy!

*smooches...ready to STAY single and fabulous, exclamation point*
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maybe after I retire I'll be ready for a relationship again

My Bad, Did I Forget To Say Bye?

First, for old time's sake, some welcome back music:



OK so listen, I took another impromptu break. Whatever. Don't get all fake-upset. You clearly did just fine filling your days without me popping up in your inbox every day.

So what's new with me? Let's see...I'm still single (yeah, baby!!), K's off at college (one down, one to go), I've gained more weight and give no fucks about it, and I've finally decided to put myself on a real budget (which I really had no choice about; paying for college is a BITCH!).

N and I are settling into our non-K existence just fine so far, and I've been keeping busy trying to make my literary life bigger and better and more well-known throughout NYC. And of course, I've been ruining my eyesight and killing braincells watching TV and movies until the wee hours of the night. Writing? Yeah, not so much. But soon. SOON.

Meanwhile, it's Latino Heritage Month; be sure and hug a Mexican today or something.

So, what y'all been doing?

*smooches...only posting to keep my online fame active*
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unfortunately I need you fools to make shit happen. UGH. I hate needing people...