Mom Duties: Birthdays A-Comin'

It's that time of the year again- babies have birthdays coming up this summer.

***Can I just add real quick what a BITCH it was to be pregnant in the middle of summer? TWICE? What the hell was I thinking... fornicating in November like some cheap harlot?

Towards the end of both pregnancies I remember wanting to peel off my skin it was so freakin hot! At one point, when I was pregnant with K, I was so ready to just go in "there" and pull her out myself. That's how uncomfortable I was.

My poor ex... we lived way up in the hills at Alfred at in the Kappa Sigma house (which was actually the old Lambda house), and I'd make him go buy me twin pops from the UniMart way down in the valley at least 3 times a day. And no matter how many he bought at a time, I'd eat them all at once and then say, "Baby I'm still hhhhoooootttttt!! I need more Popsicles!!!!"

Ahhh the good ol' days...***

K will officially be a teenager (YOU: "but Raquel, you don't look old enough to have a teenager!" ME: "Oh, aren't you a dear!")



and N will be eight. EIGHT.



My baby is eight *sniffle* and it's probably no longer kosher to carry her around and eat her belly. But I do it anyway and she lets me. So there!

In my family, elaborate birthday parties get cut off at age 10 because, in theory, the next few years is spent saving and planning for the quinceañera, so we're just taking K and some of her friends to Six Flags. But I didn't have a quince and it looks like K isn't too keen on one either. Why? She'd rather use that money towards publishing the book she's writing. My baby. Writing a book.

Stop. Hating. Green is not your color...

Her sister, however, is ALL ABOUT the party, because she knows her mommy will go out of her way to make fancy invitations, yummy cupcakes (always strawberry cake with chocolate frosting and cherries on top), and that the rest of the family will spoil her with gifts and all of her favorite foods.

This year's theme: Crazy Eights. Don't ask how I'm gonna pull this off, but so far I'm ordering these balloons,



sending out these homemade invitations,





and settled on a cake shaped like an 8 surrounded by bunches of cupcakes (god forbid there be no cupcakes!). How many in a bunch? Why, eight of course!

Because I am a birthday party FANATIC that can't be stopped!

*smooches...dusting off my old plans of becoming a party planner*
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I put all my business-ownin' aspirations on the back burner for the sake of grad school and my writing, but gosh darn it, party planning is in my BLOOD! Anyone need something planned? I'll give you the friends and family discount... lol

Me Luv Dem Trini, Ya Know...

Just spent the day with my girl L at her mom's for her aunt's 60th birthday party.

They're Trinidadian... and I absolutely LOVE THEM- the accents (wha gwan?) the food (hell YEAH I brought home some curry and roti) and the closeness.

Man, Island folk are the best.

And if you didn't know, now you know.



*smooches...kinda ready to trade one island for another*
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in other news, I found my motivation this weekend, so thanks to everyone who kept tabs. inbox is down to 50... all is right with the world...

Has Anybody Seen My Motivation?

I seem to have misplaced it somewhere between my drunken escapades and visits to Atomic Wings... mmmmm... Atomic Wings...

If you happen to see it somewhere, maybe walking the ho stroll or stealing candy from babies, maybe, can you let me know? It's kinda tall like me, a little bit darker in complexion, wears a long wig and black clothes and is usually barefoot and carrying a Sony Vaio laptop. If you see it, yeah, that one, it's mine.

Do not attempt to apprehend it yourself, though. My motivation is quite volatile. And carries a boxcutter blade in its mouth, tucked in nicely in between its cheek and gums on the left hand side. Don't say I didn't warn you...

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Meanwhile, my Gmail inbox is over the 100 mark and I'm. Freaking. Out. Little known fact about me- if I have more than 50 emails in my inbox I lose my shit and want to cry. It's an OCD thing; if I have more than 50 I have multiple pages of emails. Under 50 is just one page.

I NEED TO HAVE JUST ONE PAGE, OR I CAN BARELY FUNCTION IN SOCIETY WITHOUT KNOCKING SOMEBODY OUT.

The Yahoo inbox has reached a ridunculous 170... and it's supposed to stay at 25. I'm breaking out in hives just thinking about it.

Guess what I'll be doing for the next couple of days instead of blogging?

*smooches...nose deep in emails, dammit!*
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let's not even get started on the amount of junk mail I have on my desk that needs to be shredded...

PS- this is my way of saying HELL NO, MY THESIS EDITS ARE *STILL* NOT FINISHED AND IT'S DRIVING ME TO EAT...

Step One

Have I ever mentioned how RIDUNCULOUS I think this whole "beef" DR has with Haiti is? I'm sure I have, but in case you missed it, I think it's RIDUNCULOUS.

I really saw just how DUMB the animosity with the two were when, the summer before my freshman year of college, I got a job in Elizabeth at a family-owned used furniture store. The owners were Haitian. Papi was livid.

He kept asking me if the owner tried anything fresh with me, or if they offered me anything strange to eat or drink, just silliness like that. Papi really did not want me to work there, but what could I do? I needed the money and no one else was hiring in that one-horse town!

Since then this something has been brewing in me, this desire to squash all the drama on that island. The hateration and scapegoating has GOT TO stop, I'm not playing! Enough is enough. It's a lofty goal but I'm going ahead with it and no one can stop me.

But... baby steps... I can't just stroll up into both countries and demand peace. I realized that it might help to attack the little things first, in small bunches, and eventually jump out from behind the bushes with a kamikaze maneuver the likes of which no one has ever seen, and then help unite the countries on the sly. They'll never know what hit 'em! HA!

Fast forward to today (or rather last month) when I was introduced to this awesome fledgling organization, Global Potential. Their mission- "to create positive socio-economic change for underserved youth and their communities in low-income urban neighborhoods, and for marginalized rural communities in the Dominican Republic."

Not a hand out but a hand up, as the saying goes, for both the Dominican youth and the group going there to help. A mutually beneficial arrangement geared at empowerment. What isn't there to love about that? How much easier will it be to mend the fences between Haiti and the Dominican Republic once the younger generation have been infused with the tools and opportunities to enable them to succeed in life? My plan is PURE GENIUS!

After visiting their site and reading up on what they're working towards I was like SIGN ME UP! "Whatever I can help with, let me know."

They are currently in DR, Batey #8, and reports from the road sound good so far. You can read their blog here. The report from Keisha... when she mentions that the kids have no shoes, man, right away I was like, "fuck the BMW..." It's a NICE car, I loved it, I'm over it. Because kids in DR have no shoes and that bothers me.

What Global Potential needs right this minute, right at this millisecond, is more exposure. More people to know about them and their mission which can then, in turn, generate more support, especially financial support.

So here I am, hoping that among my 20 loyal readers, some, if not all, will feel compelled to spread the word, maybe even offer up their skills and volunteer. They are based in New York but I'm certain they wouldn't turn down out-of-town help.

Maybe you know someone who could help, or have connections somewhere that could benefit the group. Not saying you have to, but if you do, that'd be super cool of you, and you'd be my best friend forever and ever! How's that for incentive?

Seriously, though, take a minute to visit Global Potential's website and really truly read over the available literature. Then let me know if you're down for the cause; although she'd like to fancy herself Super Woman, even The Jaded NYer cannot take on Haiti and DR all by herself.

Just imagine all the good we could do...

*smooches...loving this new sense of purpose*
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lookit me, all philanthropic and shit... who'd a thunk it?

There Is Someone For Everyone, I Guess...

...because C (my ex-husband to all you newbies) is "probably" getting re-married. I say "probably" like that in quotes because that's how he put it when he told me. "Probably." Just another reminder of how frustrating he can be.

"Probably?" Make up your freaking mind, fool! Ugh, sometimes I could just SHAKE him!

Anywayz, my girl L and I joked about it, already making plans to have her be my "Plus 1" for the ceremony (if I'm invited... WAIT- I'll be invited, right? HE'D BETTER FUCKING INVITE ME!) so we could witness the hilarity of it all and exchange notes and jokes afterwards, but wow. Now it's for real.

So I'm trying to figure out how I feel... because I think I should feel something, right?

There's definitely a lil jealousy- I mean, he found someone before I did; not that there was a competition... because certainly I'm not some uber-competitive crazy nut job who was trying to live happily ever after before him with some random dude I don't even love just to prove a point. No-sir-ee BOB, not me! I'm just sayin'...

And there's some apprehension because I want to make sure that the "probably" soon-to-be second Mrs. C does NOT try to steal or hurt my babies (LORD HELP HER if she does...). Because I am their mother. Their ONLY mother. ME. NUMERO ONLY. No compromise on that there ish.

She will have ZERO say on how things go down with my babies because why? See these here stretch marks (pretend I'm actually bold enough to post a pic of my stretchmarks on this site)? She didn't put in on this, Man, and I'll be damned if she comes along after the fact trying to be Mrs. Mommy Boss Hog. Nah, fuck that. I don't like people playing with my kids!

"Raise up off these N-U-Ts, cause you gets none of these... at ease" BI-OTCH!

...yeah, but otherwise, I can't say that I feel anything, really.

[side note- how funny is it that I bitch and moan about hating motherhood, but the minute it looks like someone's moving in on my territory I'm Super Mom? Who knew it would take C getting remarried for my maternal instincts to kick into OVERKILL? I crack myself up...]

I've never wanted to reconcile with him, so there's no lingering "let's give it another shot" feeling. Maybe I'll be a little weird about calling at random hours of the day and night as I have been doing when I can't remember some odd pop culture reference, because she might feel a little threatened by my youthful exuberance (she's like 47) and timeless good looks. I mean, really, have you SEEN me?? No? Here's a reminder:

Me with dark hair



Me with lighter hair



Either way, I'm the hotness and she knows it. I know she knows it, he knows she knows it and she cries into her pillow every night knowing it.

Here's another reminder for her:



OK, that was straight craziness and hateration, but you know what? Whatever! My ex is getting MARRIED for heaven's sake! I'm not a saint; I'm allowed to be just a teensy bit petty!!

It helps, though, that I will always remember- VIVIDLY- why he's my ex. In case you're new and don't know, click here and here.

I guess I'm happy for him; either that or still in a mild state of shock. I definitely feel less guilty about the way I ended things and really hope he doesn't fuck it up again for the girls' sake. They really could do with not seeing any more divorce in the family.

In the meantime, I'm gonna go out and celebrate the fact that I'm Single and Fabulous, exclamation point, and will resist the urge to go home with some strange piece of beefcake just to boost my ego. Maybe.

*smooches...realizing that green really, truly is just not my color*
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so... who wants to party and help me forget that at the end of the night I'm going home alone??