And That's All I'm Gonna Say About That

Okay. You've all heard about this Virginia Tech shooting. So have I.

At first I didn't want to give this kid anymore "free publicity" and decided I would not discuss it here. But lets face it- if we don't talk about it, it's like saying it never happened. This rug we keep sweeping shit under is lumpy enough as is. So lets talk about it. Leave a comment or email me; tell me your thoughts. I really want to know.

But lets not turn the discussion into a debate about the NRA and Gun Laws, etc. That's an animal of a different color. I want to focus on us, the U.S. in particular, as an aggressive and materialistic society.

This morning, a friend replied to my email that poked fun at my cousin's adoration of Gary Null with the following:

I have a couple of thoughts about this last Virginia event. It shows clearly that something wrong is going on in society. Things like that are going to happen more often. Same situation like in Paris suburbs, Austria "Turkish" neighborhoods etc. This Korean boy, the killer clearly realised that his chances to drive Mercedes etc. are next to nothing, so why bother?? Don't you think I might be on the ball here?

To which I responded:

Capitalism is not without its casualties, for sure, but you and I are inundated with the same bullshit as everyone else but don't shoot up a school or office. Someone who takes this extreme action has something wrong with them.

All we can do as a society, in my opinion, is:

1. Allow for competition- all this whiny-assed "everybody's a winner" talk only harms. Because not everybody is a winner. Some people lose and that's a fact. But you fill a kid's head with that bullshit and it will fuck him up.

2. hmmm...I thought I would have a number two but I don't. That's all I got- my solution to the world's problems: "The world needs ditch-diggers, too."

And they responded with:

As usual you are right, I agree. He was fucked up, i was just trying to explore other side of the coin.

But I don't just want to be right. I like to offer a fair assessment of situations. So with my Gemini mind I sat for a minute and thought about the other side of the coin and then replied with:

The other side holds validity- we are a very materialistic world- only it has always been this way. Only difference is that before you didn't have it shoved down your throat. But with today's "wired" world, MTV Cribs, Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous...well we created a nation and a world of "covetors." (Is that even a word???)

Acts of aggression like this are part of the ramifications.

But we can never steer away from the fact that the individual is ultimately the one who makes the decision as to what path to take-kill a bunch of people because I can't afford a BMW, or be happy with my Honda Accord because there are starving children in Africa who don't even have shoes to walk with?

It's the pro and con of free will...which fork in the road holds your destiny?

As a mom, of course I want my children to take this world by storm. Plans for my Girl Army to bring about The Revolution are definitely underway.

But I also paint a realistic picture of the world for my girls. N. knows that she is mommy's princess, but she also knows that when we play Uno somebody has to lose. And it will probably be her. Not because she is worthless and I'm an Uno champion, but because I've been playing longer and am able to use a more sophisticated thinking process in order to strategize my moves.

Letting her win is not going to help her realize that being on top is something that is earned. She needs to lose those games so that when she wins one she will realize that she practiced and concentrated and worked really hard at paying attention to how the game is played- and won.

I let her throw her little tantrums and express her anger. But I explain that stomping around the apartment and throwing her cards in my face are not going to help her win. Maybe she doesn't get it right now. She's only six. But she will, and that will hopefully keep her from shooting up a classroom in the future because she didn't get the grades/friends/achievements as the person in the next dorm room.

*smooches...so done with this whole situation*
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the sun is setting on the century
and we are armed to the teeth
we're all working together now
to make our lives mercifully brief

Green Living I Can Get Behind

Since my attempt at saving the planet fell flat due to lack of interest, I figured I might want to start smaller. By saving myself.

Now don't freak out- I don't mean it in the religious sense (hell to the naw!), but rather taking a renewed approach to my physical health. It seems like the natural thing for me to do seeing as I don't like to go to the doctor. In fact, just the other day Jack used a harsh tone with me when I confessed that I've let a whole year go by without investigating what that sharp pain in my right, lower abs could be: damaged fallopian tube from botched operation in '97? the big C? Who knows! But I digress.

It also needs to happen now while I have the momentum of so much weight shed in the past six months. I'm actually almost down to my pre-baby weight. It's like I've been given a second chance. So I'm gonna roll with it.

Steps I've Already Taken:

1. Gave up red meat. Not because I care about some dumb animals, but because I was informed that it takes longer for one's body to digest tasty morsels of T-bone than anything else you eat. So bye-bye Tad's Steaks and Jamaican beef patties...how I loved you so...

2. Gave up sugary beverages. This was kind of like cheating because I never really drank them to begin with. The liquid portion of my diet now consists of water, skim milk (I REFUSE to switch to soy because is tastes like ASS), and only 100% real fruit juices- no high-fructose corn syrup allowed! PLEASE NOTE: exceptions are made on a regular basis to include Coronas, tequila and other concoctions meant to get me fucked up.

3. I accepted my mom's flax seed challenge. For the past week or so I've been including two spoonfuls of milled flax seed into my diet daily. It's actually not bad, has sort of a nutty flavor to it. I'm supposed to increase my intake gradually. I'll let you know how that works out.

4. I decided to give "Green Smoothies" a chance. These are tasty treats in a nasty package- it looks awful but tastes like any other fruit smoothie out there. Had my first one on Monday. I just had to close my eyes when I drank it and not think of the handfuls of broccoli and spinach blended together with my strawberries and bananas.

5. Will probably buy the "Green for Life" book EVERYONE has been recommending lately. When one person mentioned it to me I called him a granola-eating freak. When another person mentioned it I called him a hemp-wearing loser. But after the third person recommended this book/program, I took the hint. Ok, ok, I get it. Stop bringing it up. I will buy the stupid book!!

Steps Left to Take:

1. Learn to lay off the white rice and its starchy cousins. Don't get me wrong, brown rice is tasty and I enjoy it, but nothing soothes my troubled soul on a bad day like a heaping bowl of freshly cooked white rice. It takes me back to my grandmother's kitchen. And probably why I can't bring myself to let it go.

2. Accept that some vitamins might have to be ingested in the form of a pill. One day I will be able to differentiate from the pills that kill and ones that heal. It's a mental block I can't get passed. As it stands I will continue to try and get all my nutrients from actual food products.

3. Recognize that while TOFU has four letters, it is not a dirty word. But first someone has to do something about that marshmallow consistency and that cardboard taste. Then maybe I can embrace it.

4. Try not to gag when offered eggplant. Nothing brings chunks to my throat like the thought of having to eat this nasty ass veggie. BLECH!! But it's in so many veggie recipes as a meat replacement that I might have to give it another chance. BLECH!!

5. Realize that "physician" does not always equal "murdering, non-cause-of-illness seeking, drug-pushing, god-complex-having oppressor." Eventually I will have to see a doctor about this pain in my side. And my excruciating headaches that seem to come from nowhere. And the pain in my wrists. And my fucked up knees. And the myriad of mental illnesses I'm sure I "suffer" from (did I just end a sentence in a preposition? *GASP*). When I do, I would hope that it will be someone who will actually care about my well-being and therefore allow me to check my mistrust and stank attitude at the door.

6. Exercise. This will be the hardest change to accept in my life because, well, my couch is oh-so-comfy and my schedule is hectic and I can't sweat my hair out and my sneakers are all wrong and my knees are bad from wearing heels and...I can go on and on. I hate, no LOATHE WITH THE FIERY VENGEANCE OF 10,000 SCORNED WOMEN, to exercise. Hard work intimidates me. Sweat makes me vomit. And a score of other whiny assed excuses. But if I can be guaranteed a physician-free existence, then I may think about it. Maybe. Does walking to the fridge count as exercise?

*smooches...with a green smoothie "milk" mustache*
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so i'll walk the plank

and i'll jump with a smile

if i'm gonna go down

i'm gonna do it with style

Sometimes Perez Stimulates My Mind

Today, that crazy-haired blogger, a seriously addictive guilty pleasure of mine, posted this OPED by Harvey Fierstein published in The New York Times. In it Mr. Harvey points out how selective our country's intolerance of hate speech can be, and I have to say I agree with him.

It usually takes a lot for me to be offended by something that someone says. Actually, I can't think of anything that would personally offend me- I guess I just haven't come across it. Stuff has upset me, but not offended.

But I have noticed that lately, like Mr. Harvey so eloquently stated, it's still okay to call someone a "faggot" and a "lard ass," but you might want to steer clear of calling someone a "nappy-headed ho" or imply that certain dark-skinned human are, in fact, "niggers."

Keep in mind, though, that "nigga," "niggah" and "niggaz" is still ok, but only if you're black. No, really. Snoop Dog said so. Plus it's in the Colored Folk Handbook. Didn't you get your copy at the local liquor store/cash checking place?

You might want to pick one up before the PC police comes for you.

*smooches...droppin' the N-word like it's my JOB*
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life in the circus ain't easy
but the folks on the outside don't know
the tent goes up and the tent comes down
and all that they see is the show
and the ladies on the horses look so pretty
and the lions are lookin real mad
and some of the clowns are happy
and some of the clowns are sad

I'm a Journalist, Ya'll!!

Thursday night. I leave the comforts of my shoebox apartment for a gig in the Bowery, interviewing a cool, new Cuban timba band, La Bolá. I'm not too keen on the Lower East Side- nothing personal, just not for me, but work calls so I go a-running.

At first, on the train ride over I'm all comfy in my seat, rocking out to Ciara on Minerva's iPod (hey gurl!! that's right! I'm using your shyt!!) when it hits me that maybe, just maybe, I might want to prepare some questions. You know, like a real reporter would.

I brainstormed- what could I ask the bandleader that would not reek of a page out of Interviewing for Dummies, and I think I came up with a pretty good mix. I mean, I'm the nosiest person I know. This job is perfect for me.

When I get there (after a tiny train mix-up and a $2 coat check) and meet with the dude, he says to the woman at the door, "Let her in. She's a journalist here to interview me." Journalist. Me.

I suppose that means I can't tell him what a cutie he is?

He grabs a beer, I pull out my dorky note pad and tape recorder, and we begin. A solid 20 minutes of good shit, folks. I'm not making this up. Me. I did this.

Then I let him go prep for the first set and wouldn't you know it? I know the DJ spinning at the club! We went to college together, but we weren't friends or anything, just had mutual friends, so I don't say anything to him.

But later when the band is performing and he leaves the booth, we exchange pleasantries; he's a fellow Domini-CAN from BK. He gives me his card (for a possible interview later on) and then I remember that I had heard he was a DJ and artist, and that his sculptures were featured at El Museo del Barrio in the fall...nice stuff, too. Small world!

So the band was awesome, the crowd was loving it, the lead singer hit on me (everywhere I go, man...), I reconnected with an old acquaintence and I really enjoyed my new label.

Observations from the evening:

Old man with the beer: Your belly is too BIG. You look 6mos pregnant. Maybe you should lay off the beer?

Guy at the door: Yeah, I'm gonna need your phone number...for professional reasons, of course...

Awww shit! Check out the white boy shakin' his bon-bon!!!

Couple at the bar: GET A ROOM!

Couple on the dance floor: DAMN! Ya'll put everyone else to shame with your smooth moves...OMG, did he just DIP HER?? I'm jealous!

Girl by the couches: Bedazzled, Lycra/spandex bell-bottoms? Really? That's the outfit you're gonna go with? Okay...

Best part of the night:

NO COVER CHARGE, BI-ATCH!! Cuz I'm with the band!

All in all it was a good night, and I can't wait to reap the financial benefits of this interview...

Maybe I'll be able to afford a pack of those newfangled, highfalutin energy-saving light bulbs Laura loves so much...

*smooches...LIVE, from Crash Mansion*
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i had to leave the house of conformity

in order to make art

i had to be more or less true

to learn to tell the two apart

and i had to leave the house of fear

just about as soon as i could crawl

ignore my face on the wanted posters

stuck to the post office wall

Reduce My Impact?

So here's the deal: no matter how hard I try, I can't get away from the fact that I actually care about the environment and my part in it's deterioration.

True, I don't recycle because I'm lazy, and I waste electricity and I'm not selective about the food I buy and how it's produced and delivered to my grocery store.

But I care nonetheless.

Why don't I take more action? Because I'm broke, ya'll. Plain and simple.

Only rich, white folk and "BUPPIES" can afford to buy fresh, organic, free-range and install solar panels and use geothermal energy to heat and cool their homes. Those of us on a budget have to wait for chicken to go on sale before we can eat meat this week, so fuck whether or not the damn bird had a good life before the slaughter- my kids need to eat.

And yes, I'm inundated with the doom and gloom of global warming effects all day at work, and I know that NYC, being a coastal region, will feel the burn and possibly sink like Venice, but god-dammit- I need to have my computer on so I can find freelance gigs, chat with my friends...and find a man, fossil fuel burning be dammed!!

What prompted this defensive rant, you ask?

Well, I read this article about a couple who are attempting to reduce their carbon footprint on the planet by trying to make as little impact as possible- no tissue paper, no cars, no elevators, no food from farms further out that 250miles...pure craziness! Only white folks can some up with stuff like this...

Although, I have to admit I'm intrigued. And a little jealous. I want to do something like this. Sure, two people going with tissue and take out for one year hardly makes a difference, but the message it sends can move many.

Like a jaded NYer who's struggling to find her place in this world.

I want to start a movement. Have people say, "You know, that Dr. Penzo, she really did a great thing there." And I will, too, just wait...right after this commercial break...

*smooches...impacting the earth like a motherfucker!*
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i bet you're looking for the little red x next to the red arrow
and the words 'you are here'
i bet you're hoping that your heart will send up the white flag this time
or some sign that the coast is clear