Oh.

So when you said come over for a movie and dinner you meant movie and dinner...interesting turn of events...

I'll have to let this marinate and ask around before I can comment...

*smooches...on the cheek...like buddies"

--------------------

you put a tiny pin prick

in my big red balloon

and as i slowly start to exhale

that's when you leave the room

i did not design this game

i did not name the stakes

i just happen to like apples

and i am not afraid of snakes

What Are You Looking At?...and other musings

Tiny updates on my 2007 so far...

BS Threshold...

I reached it about 2weeks ago when I had to write an article on a man who I believe to be a money-grubbing whore but my boss thinks is an environmental god. Then again when I had three people contact me about hiring me for freelance gigs...with no pay. And again when just yesterday, some fucking moron stood me up for a drink "thing" after work. No phone call, no email. Nothing. That's okay, though. You'll get yours.

Sometimes, I Just Don't Know, Man

So I have certain family members that...well let's just say I wouldn't introduce them to the Queen. The latest on one such relative is that, besides being heavily hooked on drugs and probably selling her body to obtain said drugs, her "boyfriend" had her stabbed...in front of her kids.

And now she's back with him. Crying that The Family doesn't care about her.

Sweetie, we care. We don't want to see you like this. We especially don't want your kids to see you like this and grow up to do the same. We just don't want you stealing our valuables in the middle of the night to feed your habit and getting us stabbed, too.

We all miss Grandma. It's not an excuse to do what you're doing. You made your choices. The consequences suck ass, but they were your choices. Now deal.

How Old Are You?

Today on the subway I saw a woman with two Princess Leia-type "buns," only smaller, on her way to work. Chiiild! She was 35 if she was a day, and walking around with that hairdo looking like an extra from Who-ville! Now, I rock two braids every now and again, but never to MY JOB where I'm supposed to be a grown up. Save that shit for the weekend when you're cleaning up or doing laundry! I'm sorry hun, but you looked a HOT MESS!!!

What Are You Looking At?

You, with the jeans fallin' off your ass, messy man-braids and oversized, puffy jacket with Al Pacino as Scarface etched on the back, smoking a cigarette in front of Home Depot. Yeah, you. What, on god's green earth, are you looking at? Surely not at me. You can't think that you're my type. You can't be so delusional as to think that calling me "shorty" on the street will make me moist. Or that saying, "hey mami" will compel me to hand out my digits.

Look at you and look at me.

Do I look like I like to go slummin'?

Get a job!

Did Somebody Go to the Dentist?

I saw a picture of Toothless...with his tooth in place. Is this picture old or new? OLD OR NEW? The suspense is killing me. I have to find a way to find out. I have my people working on it.

Why do I care? Because he was nice and good-looking and all...just didn't have a tooth. I'll give him a second chance if the picture is new.

Can Somebody PU-LEESE Stop Calling Me?

Hoover, sweetheart, I beg of you. Catch the hint. You have not seen me in two months for a reason. I'm not online because I STAY "invisible" to avoid you. I don't have the heart to just tell you that you suck- literally and figuratively- so please just go away so I don't have to tell you about yourself!

No That Bitch Didn't!!

Jeremy Piven, star of HBO's "Entourage" had the AU-DA-CI-TY to tell reporters that my beloved John Cusack is not happy for his success, that John is JEALOUS of him. Can you believe that bullshit?

For those of you not familiar with the two, they were really good friends once upon a time.

Excuse me, Mr. Ass-Face Piven, but my boo has starred in many, many great movies. Many in which you had the pleasure of also starring. He owns his own production company and has the luxury of picking and choosing his roles as opposed to taking whatever is handed him. Plus he has my never-ending, undying affection, respect and loyalty, which you will NEVER have.

You lucked out with "Entourage." And I'm happy for you.

But don't get too big for your britches, okay pahtna? Don't be sullying my baby's name to get your name in the paper. He takes great pains to stay under the gossip radar- LEAVE HIM ALONE.

Don't make me have to tell you again.

Oooh, I Can Order It Like Take-Out?

I've just discovered www.onlinebootycall.com. Lord strike me down if I don't have the urge to create a profile!!! This whole new "wired" world we live in just never ceases to amaze me. So instead of meeting someone and getting to know them and falling in love and all that, you can just go on this site and hook up. Just like that? Hmmm...

Okay, gotta jet and order some penis to go...

*smooches...with my mouse at the ready and a drawer full of condoms*

--------------------------
now i am prowling through the backyard

and i am hiding under the car

i have gotten out of everything

i've gotten into so far

i eat when i am hungry

and i travel alone

and just outside the glow of the house

is where i feel most at home

I'm In A NY State of Mind

This is me, the Jaded NYer, talking to you, my fellow NYers, about something I can't help but care very deeply about: NYC.

It is no secret that I love this place, even when I'm full of bitter cynicism, jaded to the core, I love this place.

I was born here, grew up here, attended HS here. There’s no other place I could ever imagine as my hometown or where I’d like to raise my daughters; NYC is the SHYT! Hell, I divorced my ex in part because he moved us to New Jersey, so you can see where my loyalties are.

I tell you this as a preface to what I really want to say, so you can understand why I, Raquel I. Penzo, a girl who’s never given a damn about anything other than when’s John Cusack’s next movie coming out, am about to tell you this:

Recently, Mayor Bloomberg gave a speech in which he presented the results of a long-term land use study he initiated last year. In it he stated that we are headed for a major population surge- some 1 million people are expected to reside here by the year 2030. And that’s not including the 50 million tourists that will crowd Fifth Avenue annually.

With these 1 million people comes the need for more power, an upgraded transportation infrastructure, more housing, updated sewage systems and procedures in place to protect the land, air and sea around us from further contamination.

I direct your attention to this transcript of the Mayor’s speech.

When you are done reading what I think is a well-written, well thought-out list of goals towards a sustainable NYC, please log onto www.nyc.gov/2030 and participate in the “citywide conversation.”

This City is our home. It is our duty to sustain it.

Do it now; NYC is counting on you.

*smooches…cause I still love you, New York*
--------------------
i won't wait for you
to wonder
i'll just tell you why
i'm here
'cause i know
the biggest crime
is to just throw
up your hands
say this has nothing
to do with me

Subscriber Spotlight: Crazy Mari

Readers, meet Mari. A special breed of crazy more commonly known as, “The Little Sister.”

She burst onto the scene 23 years ago today to steal my sunshine. Instead she stole my heart.

It was a very rocky path to such adoration, though. I have very vivid memories of the phrase, “I hate my sister” peppering my diary, and of the initial devilish grin that came across my face as I watched her fall from my bed and hit her head…right before I came to my senses and ran to her aid (hey, I was nine for chrissake! Who leaves a nine-year-old unattended with a baby?).


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I also remember the terribly, hysterically funny pranks she fell prey to at my hands: the hot spoon chase, the blonde dye job, me “dead” on the floor…there’s an endless list, and she’d fall for it every time.

But then a funny thing happened on her way to adolescence. She was no longer my annoying little sister who I had the misfortune of caring for and feeding everyday after school, social life be damned! She became cool to hang out with.

Maybe it was the endless hours we spent together the summer of ’94, swimming in the pool and watching Days of Our Lives with a trough of pizza and wings from Blasdell Pizza in front of us. Or our mutual hatred for OJ Simpson when NBC decided to pre-empt our show because of him. I mean, Marlena was possessed by the devil! We gave two shits about OJ!


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It could have been the way we bonded over the Radio Game *smile* and I would watch her squirm to keep up with me, never realizing that one day the student would surpass the master and *poof* before I knew it, she was winning.

We’ve managed to cram so many memories in our 23 years together, and her effect on me was the main reason I insisted on having a second child; I wanted K to have someone like Mari in her life, too.

Things that make me think of Mari and smile:
•bangs
•stretch pants
•her wearing my doll’s clothes as a baby
•summers in Jersey riding our bikes by the Seaport
•the Brooklyn Babes winning their first Grammy (we live in a funky town…)
•martinis and champagne cruises in Key West
•her graduating from grade school, junior high, high school, and Cornell…I taught her well…

Things that make me think of Mari and fall out laughing:
•her falling out laughing
•the infamous Family Feud Incident
•the infamous Jeopardy Incident
•meeting Derek Jeter (Oh my god, no, I love you, no…)
•the show-down between her and baby N that summer she babysat for us in Riverdale
•her falling asleep at EVERY movie

The one thing that will make me forever love her to death that she doesn’t know about:
•being there to hold me up when the sight of grandma’s coffin being entombed was too much for me to handle, assuring me that it was just grandma’s body and not grandma that was in that metal box, when it should have been the other way around.


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Today she is someone I reach out to all the time and I’d like to think she feels the same for me.

I am her older, wiser, prettier, bustier sister after all.

*smooches…just for Mari today*
-------------------
half of learning how to play
is learning what not to play
she's learning the spaces she leaves
have their own things to say and
she's trying to sing just enough
so that the air around her moves
and make music like mercy
that gives what it is
and has nothing to prove

6 Weeks and Counting

One topic I only ever brush upon here is my thesis paper, and that's because I'm of the school of: don't talk about it or you'll jinx it. But I have mentioned my writer's block, which I admit has a lot more to do with the fact that I have a serious phobia to success. What I finally had to admit to myself is that my block has a lot to do with a phobia of not being in school.

If I'm not a student, with papers and due dates and meetings with professors, then who am I? I've never known life without an academic responsibility pending. And to tell you the truth, because that's what I strive for here, I'm afraid of what that life will be like. I fear that that life will be more like lunch meetings and business trips and three-piece suits and conference calls, and that in and of itself is enough to induce the most hideous nightmares I could ever imagine.

As I student, it's still ok for me to wear flannel and clogs and keep my hair in pigtails underneath a bandana as I do my homework. As a non-student I'm having coktails afterwork at one of those stupid afterwork bars full of the afterwork crowd that I like to make fun of. Or at least that's how I picture it.

What started all this? I heard from my professor today: I was granted an extension on my paper, which is good news. The due date is now mid-February... which is scary. By March I will have no more homework due; it'll just be preparing for my defense, getting my presentation ready and finding out when to show up for graduation. There will be no more residencies for me. If I want to see my classmates I have to plan special outings and such- things grown-ups do.

And let me tell you what's really hard: knowing that the School of Visual Arts is located directly across the street from my office AND they have the photography classes I've been dying to take. Plus, Baruch? Only a couple of blocks west, an they have a MA program in Corporate Communications that would help me rise in the PR ranks. These are options that jump out at me everyday, Monday thru Friday. It's like a sickness. I'm addicted to school. Is there an anonymous meeting for that?

In the meantime, I'm trying to concentrate on the problem at hand: my MFA thesis papers. One 25pg paper on the craft of writing and 25,000 words of a creative piece. And to hell with the sperstitions that have held me prisoner: My craft paper is on the immigrant novel and how the author conveys a search for identity in the main characters through various literary devices. My creative piece is a group of linked stories entitled, Enfermos, which also happens to be the title of one of the stories, surrounding one family that is strangely similar to mine, and the characters' own search for identity while straddling two very distinct and different cultures, with a little nod to magical realism thrown in...just because I love it so.

Wow, that felt good to get out.

So...six weeks...25pages and 25,000 words perfected and edited within an inch of its life in six weeks. Can I do it? There's only one way to find out.

Now if only I can keep myself from mailing out these SVA and CUNY applications...

*smooches...with a stack of re-writes on my desk*
-----------------------
so school is in session
get your chin off your desk
now pick up your pencil
and turn over your test
use your education and take an educated guess
about me