The Best...

...free things in the City.

Ya'll know I'm broke as a joke (why do people say that? Are jokes really that broke?), but I love to eat and drink and party. Put those three things together and you got one very thrifty Jaded NYer.

But why should I have all the free fun? Here's the free stuff I know about. I'm sure this is just 1/1000000000th of the free things out there!

Dancers:

There are a ton of "no cover" type dance clubs in the boroughs, but Lower Manhattan also has a host of them. Try Bembe in Williamsburg; Gonzalez y Gonzalez in NoHo (only on the weekends); and Plan B (LES).

Movie Junkies:

OK, so this might be slightly immoral and 100% illegal, but I've "heard" that if you go to the 84th Street (and Broadway) movie theater, you can see two films for the price of one. How? Security is pretty lax at the Upper West Side flick house, so you just simply...do it.

Some of the museums around the city also sponsor free film screenings, as does the City Parks Department (mostly in the summer).

Other alternatives include getting on Time Out New York's or the NY Film Academy's mailing list (they offer free pre-screenings from time to time), and logging on to http://www.alluc.org/ or http://www.tv-links.co.uk/. Yeah, this is also shady and probably illegal, but hey, it's how I saw The Black Dahlia and realized what a piece of crap it was. Imagine if I'd paid money for it? I'd be pissed!!!

Music-o-philes:

Here's where myspace comes in handy. "Friend" MySpace Secret Shows and you'll be alerted of surprise secret shows by today's newest, hottest acts. This does not include the Kanye's and Madonna's of the world, but still, a free concert is a free concert!

Foodies:

So maybe you can't get an entire meal for free in the city, but Whole Foods usually has samples all day. Eat enough of these tiny bite-sized yummies and you'll be good until you get home...and heat up the Ramen.

Also, find arty friends. And then go with them to art openings. There's always alcohol, and if you're lucky: food!! You can even attend the BFA shows at the trillion art schools around the City. If it's one thing I learned at Alfred is that student art shows always have the best food!

If you can't find anything that tickles your fancy in my suggestions, then log onto: http://www.freenyc.net/. If you can't find something fun and free to do on that site, then you're a picky little brat. I'm just sayin'...

*smooches...saving every penny for my brownstone*

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Comforted

a solace of ripe plums

seeming to fill the air
They taste good to her

That's Just My New York Face

Dear Black Men of NYC:

Please stop asking me to smile.

I am not an angry person; I love to laugh and have a good time. Ask anyone. I'm all about the jokes. Hell, if it wasn't for a severe case of stage fright, I'd be cooning it up at open mic nights all over the comedy clubs of Manhattan. But that's neither here nor there.

If I'm walking around the city by myself, and I appear to have a scowl on my face, it's not because I wish to cause anyone bodily harm or because I'm unhappy in any way, shape or form. Usually I'm either deep in thought about what I've done, will do or need to do on any given day. I live in my head and in order to function I put up some facial armor in order to be left alone with my thoughts and get around unnoticed. Especially in this crazy city of killers, rapists and muggers.

This does not mean that you need to call me out in front of all the Anglos, who now think I'm that typical "angry black chick" because I rolled my eyes at you for calling me out. And it ABSOLUTELY does NOT mean you can grab my elbow with your "hey mami" and "why you so mad" commentary.

It just means I want to be left alone. And no amount of "c'mon, let me see your beautiful smile" will change my face. If anything, it will make me mad and force me to give you the stink eye.

And trust me: you don't want to get the stink eye. It comes with a shank to the neck.

*smooches...just trying to make it through the day in one piece*
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Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Abuelitas

Mami: Was N happy with her Mentos?

Me: Are you kidding? She had that AND a cookie as soon as I pulled it out of the bag!

Mami: Ay… tienen hambre mis muchachitas.

*smooches...learning that Dominican moms are on a mission to over-feed...*
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Ellos comen cuando pueden
pero por ellos comemos cuando queremos

Reminders That I Am Alive...

...and that I need to slow the fuck down. After so so much activity and late nights and partying and stressing at work and writing til the wee hours of the morning, my body is crying, "No MAS!"

These are the big neon signs I'm getting:

~My head feels all floaty, as if I'm high off that stickiest of the icky...

~My throat is scratchy and is making my voice do weird things.

~I'm tired. I went to bed before midnight the last four nights. In a row. And slept through the night.

~My body aches. Like when I used to have that personal trainer and he'd make me carry that bitch ass 12lb bar all over Riverdale.

~I'm craving soup. Really hot soup. And tea. And Vick's vapor rub.

Boy, I tell ya, this flu is trying its darnedest to grab a hold of me and knock me out, but thanks to a summer of semi-good living, and roughly three years of a pharmaceutical-free existence (pot doesn't count!) my body is fighting back on its own.

Only trouble is, we're not used to fighting, and the effort is wiping us out. I barely have the strength to finish typing this post.

*smooches...on my way to the deli to buy hot water for my Theraflu...*
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Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

Fucking Mets!

How hard is it to freaking hold on to a goddamn lead? I mean seriously! How much more do they expect me to put up with? Are the Mets the new Red Sox? Will I be in my 80's before I see another World Series win for my team?

Fuckin' choke-masters!

But as usual, there's always next year...every Mets fan can relate...

*smooches...so sick of that refrain*
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