Tuesday, September 30, 2008
I know I said I'd do an "After The Show" post every Tuesday, but I just found out that the Blog Talk Radio site has an option to post a blog... so now every Tuesday you can leave comments on the previous night's show over there.
Here's today's link:Monday Musings After The Show
And if you missed the show because you're 100 years old and you went to sleep early, here's that link: Monday Musings- Sports in the News
Now back to our program, already in progress...
Can someone please explain to me why people are losing their fucking minds over the House not passing that bailout BS?
And what does it mean for the Dow to "plummet" by 700 points? Because it sounds kinda bad.
And wait- so what does that mean for my TIAA-CREF money? Oh hell nawl- are they messing with my TIAA-CREF? I *KNEW* I should have emptied that bitch out when I left The Waco School for Girls... UGH!!!
But seriously, the happenings on Wall Street are not my area of expertise at all. In fact, it's like a whole other language to me, one that I'm not sure I'll ever truly grasp. I don't have any investments anywhere, and not too long ago ING closed my savings account due to inactivity (the bastards!)- so it's just me and my checking account and my debit card.
So what is all the broo-haha about?
And why are McCain and Obama tryna act like they actually have the power to turn this mess around?? Even *I* know that the president has no say on economic shit; look at Bush's face next time he's talking about these bailouts, and tell me if it doesn't look like he's thinking "I hope the American public can't tell I have no power over this situation..."... that mess is a cycle: sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down... like the tides or my moods.
McCain and Obama need to stop lying to the people as if they can do away with these troubles by simply being sworn in. And Bush... man, he just needs to just GO SOMEWHERE already... TSK TSK... shame on all of you!
And while we're on it, if Bush wants to just GIVE AWAY $700 billion dollars, he can send the check to Raquel I. Penzo, or direct deposit it into my account at BOA... I'm sure he knows the account number... spying bastard...
*smooches...wondering if this is only be a rich folk problem*
but I figured I'd ask just in case I need to get into "survival mode" and hoard food and supplies like Grandma used to...
Monday, September 29, 2008
This week's show is the Sports Edition of my ongoing "In The News..." segment. Well, at least it will be ongoing as the show marches on (the last Monday of every month). If it made the headlines we might just talk about it... and by "we" I mean me and that knucklehead 12Kyle:
So tune in, call in, heckle us... just whatever you do- go easy on the Mets talk... my wound is still very fresh. OH- and if you're a Brewers fan, don't even bother calling 'cause I *WILL* hang up on you. HMPH!
Not So Mixed Right Now
I enjoyed this summer as a carefree (not really) curly-haired girl thanks to the wonderful makers of Mixed Chicks-
Shout out to the ladies at Mixed Chicks who read my blog post praising their sent-from-heaven products and sent me more products for FREE!!! I was tempted to give them away here via a contest but then was like... um NO because I want it for myself. I wrote the post, not you... go to Ricky's like I did and get your OWN!
I'd also like to shout out my girl Kathe for sending me the full product line from Ouidad- the curl master- for me to sample and enjoy. I use the Balancing Rinse conditioner, Climate Control heat & humidity gel and Botanical Boost spray-in conditioner on alternate days to help reinforce my Mixed curls.
Oh man... I had a great time not dealing with heat and harshness and rollers and hot irons this summer, and finally had the get up and go hair I've dreamt about in forever.
But, um, now that the temperature keeps dipping below 80, I can't tolerate the constant chill of going outside with wet hair. *SIGH* So I blew my hair out this weekend. I'm a little sad to see my curls go, but, it had to be done. I just can't stand to be cold all the time.
Lady Ballers Are BEASTS
Yowza!!! I went to my very first New York Liberty game on Friday with C and the girls (got free tickets from N's after school program) and HOLY CRAP!!!
I used to think I was tall but you know what? I'm not... one of those "chicks" on the Detroit Shocks? Yeah, she's 6'6". And #4 on the Liberty, Janel McCarville?? I think she could take C in a fight, and he's a big dude!
The best part of the game, besides the fact that we won and that the co-ed cheerleaders, The Liberty Torch Patrol, featured this wiry dude I named Sisqo, was N cheering her little heart out in the stands. N is a total sports fanatic! That's my baby right there... I mean you should have heard her, screaming "DE-FENSE" at the top of her lungs; just... such a thing of beauty!
Drug Experiment Gone Not So Good
Saturday night I thought to myself: "I wonder what would happen if I took one of these muscle relaxers and followed it with some sleepy time tea?" My girl L tried to warn me not to try it, but I always have to do things the hard way...
Well let me tell you what happens when you mix those two things... it's pretty similar to being under anesthesia, where you're kinda sorta aware of your surroundings but not really able to move your body. It was like that time I smoked that fucking kush weed and I didn't know it was kush and HOLY MOTHER FUCKING CRAP I thought I was going to die, except I wasn't all paranoid this time.
Needless to say, I stopped smoking after the whole kush incident, and now I know not to mix two relaxants together EVER again.
Thesis Non E Finito
I worked on my fakakta thesis this weekend... only to find that it needs more than a weekend's worth of work.
I just want to be done with this bitch already but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO... it has so many things wrong with it. It will take me at least a week to fix it, especially because I have to read a whole other book now to replace one section of the paper that has no business being there!!!
The good news is, thanks to our friendly neighborhood Jews and Rosh Hashanah, I don't have babies until Wednesday night, so I can work in the library away from my computer and its lure of Season 4 of The Office, and get some of the research and re-writes out of the way.
At least the fiction portion of the work is done. If I still had that to do I *surely* would have to take to a clock tower somewhere...
*smooches...wishing I could just relax for a long time*
oh and by the way, in case you didn't know... I HATE writing essays, and this BLEEPITY-BLEEP BLEEP thesis will be the death of me.
But, special thanks to BAM for sending me that Rashaan Patterson mix (THANKS, GIRL!!)... his voice is helping me get through this work!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
WHO'S WITH ME?!?!
Here's the deal, though... I know some of you would rather NOT come out to Brooklyn *coughEBcough* but honest-to-god we have some really hot parties out here.
I propose, for the next meeting of the great NYC Bloggers, we hit up my absolute favorite dancing spot in the world, BEMBE. Now, my boy DJ Medina is not spinning out there until the 18th, but I already have plans that night.
There's nothing saying that one of the other DJs can't hold it down, though, so I say, if everyone's schedule is open, OCTOBER 4th we all meet up at Bembe sometime around 12AM. And if you feel so inclined, we can get something to eat beforehand, too.
Bembe plays Afro-Brazilian/Cuban, reggae, merengue and salsa, has no cover and reasonable drink prices. I cannot promise any cuties because a lot of "gentrification" has overtaken Williamsburg, but it's always a fun place to just dance and drink and dance and drink!
But I must warn you- don't think your cute hairdo will last for more than a second at this place. It's small and hot but OH SO MUCH FUN! Trust me. You'll lose ten pounds on the dance floor in one night!!
*smooches...overdue for some good fun with some cool chicks*
make sure and spread the word around so no one feels left out and comes back over here cursing me out!
Friday, September 26, 2008
I'm what's called an "emotional eater" and when I'm stressed I eat, but when I'm down I don't.
Lately I've been more stressed than down, and now my pants are kinda snug. Actually, no, not kinda, VERY... my pants are VERY snug.
For a teeny, tiny, split second, I entertained getting a jump start on losing weight by doing one of those cleansing fasts or whatever they're called, but then I remembered that I like eating real solid food.
So then I figured, I'll just eat less calories... which became a problem because I normally don't like to eat breakfast, so by the time lunch comes around, my stomach pulls one of these numbers:
and I'm forced to eat more in one sitting than I normally should. It's become a serious problem.
Finally, my other internal organs begged me, "for the love of GOD, woman, EAT BREAKFAST... our very lives depend on it!!!"
So now I do. I ate breakfast all this week.
I mean, who wants to deal with a cannibalistic, homicidal stomach? How do you even explain that to the cops? Yeah, I'm too pretty to go to jail...
*smooches...wondering how much longer I can keep this up*
I really loathe eating in the morning. it just doesn't seem natural... and who's hungry at 7AM? not me, that's who... but everything I read on nutrition says eating breakfast is important, so, ARGH!!! I'm eating the fakakta breakfast...
Thursday, September 25, 2008
However, he's still the father of my kids so I can't just disregard his existence like I want to, because my babies' well-being depends, in part, on his well-being. So I play nice. I'm starting to wonder if that has to also extend to his new girlfriend.
Here's the deal:
While we were married, we started this little "tradition" of taking the girls to the Radio City Christmas Spectacular. And if you've never been, you have to go at least once because it is an AWESOME show and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Rockettes and *sigh* it reminds me of when I wanted to BE a Rockette... but I digress...
We take them every year. Yes, we still take them. We get dressed up and go to the show together.
Last week he sent me an email and asked if we should continue to take them, because it appeared to him that K was losing interest.
I didn't want to be upset and jump to conclusions, but his email reeked of the new girlfriend. And if that's the case...
"Excuse me, hon? Yes, hi, how are you? That's great. Listen, not to cut you off or anything, but let me please remind you of something... YOU chose to become involved with a divorced father of two that first and foremost, before anything else in this world, has an obligation to his daughters.
You were not there to see them fall the fuck apart when I told them that C and I were getting a divorce. I can still actually remember very vividly every painful moment of that day.
This tradition that we started is the one thing they can count on every year from the both of us, and I'm not about to sit here and let you talk in his ear about maybe it's time to stop going. I really hope that is NOT what's going on.
I really could care less about the two of you, but when my babies are involved, you'd better believe that that claws come out.
We ARE going to the Christmas Spectacular this year. Period.
And although I was fine with you inviting yourself to N's birthday party, you are most definitely NOT invited to the show with us. Have C take you another day because this is a FAMILY AFFAIR, and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but family of mine you ain't.
And YOU *points to C* do me a favor, get your balls back from her for a minute and realize that it is NOT okay to bail on this show. At. All."
And FYI- I asked K if she is actually tired of going to the show, and she looked at me like I slapped her face, saying "NO! OF COURSE I want to go to the Christmas Show! It's so much fun!" So, yeah, I wonder whose bright idea skipping the show was...
*smooches...wondering where some people be getting the damn nerve*
and even AFTER he puts a ring on her finger, she's STILL NOT INVITED to the show. How 'bout that?!?!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
This is the very rare "off the cuff" post, so enjoy this precious gift.
Some very literarily (yeah, I made it up, AND WHAT?) inclined bloggers started an online book club, and I encourage all of you to sign up for it.
Now that I'm out of school I'm totally missing the whole intellectual vibe I used to get sitting in on workshops. It's one of the main reasons I'm pressed to go to graduation each year- to see my writer friends (hey y'all!!!) and get that old magic back... every time I come away from it with a new story idea.
The first book we will be discussing is The Secret Life of Bees which I've yet to read but I can't wait to get it.
You know I'm not always dressed to the nines or anything; clothes have started to mean less and less to me since I moved back to Brooklyn, and NO not like that you pervs, so far be it from me to make fun of someone's attire.
When you step out of your house in a dark turquoise zoot suit- YES, I said ZOOT. SUIT.- and pink cowboy boots with the pants tucked into the boots, a pink cowboy hat AND a pink, metal cane... I mean, it's like you're ASKING for me to talk about you!
Just be glad that I respect my elders... and that I didn't have my camera with me because you soooo would have been put on blast, old timer!
I usually put songs I'm feeling over at my other blog, but today I'll give you a bit of a treat.
Today I spotted one of my old Freestyle mix CDs that this kid made for me back when I worked at Horace Mann and I popped it into Ns boom box. Guess what song came on as I chatted with Minnie real quick on the phone (much to her chagrin)?
(was there anything better than freestyle in the 80's? I think not! lol)
Afterwards I came out of the room to munch on something and a song came on Ks yahoo music player that reminded me of this song
(it always take me back to HS when I was totally into classic rock. how funny that now this is all that K will listen to...)
And just for kicks, because I can't get enough of Skeletor, here's the song I play on repeat until I hear N yell from her room, "AGAIN?!?!"
(check the deep percussions when the chorus first hits... DAMN every time I hear it I lose my mind!!)
*smooches...hoping the rest of the week goes by quickly*
oh and I finally got Ks report card (we never picked it up in June) and although she went down two percentage points in her overall average from where she was last fall, she still made it out of the 7th grade with a 91 average.
hopefully that is enough to get her into the HS of her choice!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
We did not get to listen to all of the callers AND we were not able to touch on all of the factors that keep these two nations from working together as one.
Enter this new feature: Monday Musings After The Show (see how I keep stealing from Oprah? Nobody tell her, okay?). After each broadcast, not only will I stay on the line for an additional 15 minutes with callers discussing the topic after the show is done streaming, but I will devote a blog post to it as well. Every Tuesday. If nothing else, this will tell you when to visit my blog and when to skip it.
This week, of course, we're a bit late so we'll do two in one: DR/Haitian relations from the 9/15 show and Internet Dating which was last night's show (did you listen??? NO?? Well, here's the link. Go listen now.), just so we can catch up. OK? Wait- why am I asking you?? It's not like you have a choice...
So, Dominicans... Haitians... As Mari stated in the show (click here if you missed it) there are MANY underlying causes, but it really boils down to racism and jealousy and a wedge left in between the two by their colonial parents (France and Spain, for those of you who live in a vacuum).
My girl Celia emailed me her two cents, including the issue of language which YES, I wish we had had time to discuss on the show:
Haitian history & relations is really an interesting and complex topic. In Nyack, there's a huge Haitian population. In HS I was amazed at the lengths families would go through to get people out of their country and into America. There were female head of households taking care of ten plus children loosely related to them. Even poor families felt bad for these kids.
Recently, I talked to a Haitian historian who believes that much of Haiti's current poverty and unrest can be traced back to The Spanish American War. A group of Haitians were shipped to America, trained in warfare, given guns and after the war was over, sent home to Haiti. When they arrived home this trained and armed group of men fractioned off and fought for control of their island. This resulted in civil war, poverty, and later an American occupation.
His theory is, there's been civil unrest and political instability ever since. This is a much simplified version of history of course. It doesn't take into consideration Haiti's bloody battle with slavery, weather, crops, language, culture, race or the Country's bad luck with horrible dictatorships. But, it was an interesting example of American politics once again having devastating effects on her neighbors.
As far as Dominican/Haitian relations, I think the one thing that was not touched on during your short half hour time frame was the distance caused by language. The separation caused by French vs Spanish Colonization is still felt today through speech.
So, hermanos y hermanas, frères et soeurs, what is your take on this eternal "beef" between these two countries/people who, really, should be like BFFs! Imagine how much better both could be if they worked together...
Internet Dating... Jack and I went over the dos and don'ts and RUN FOR YOUR LIVES of it all for your benefit and now we want to know what your thoughts are: do you meet people online? what has been your experience? And most importantly- what was your WORST online date?!?!
I mean, you all heard my top three: The Narcoleptic who fell asleep while we were on the phone; Toothless, who showed up for our movie date with NO DAMN TOOTH; and Shorty Lazy Eye, who not only lied about his height and swagger, but also failed to mention that his left and right eye do not operate on the same lever.
So it's only fair that I hear yours...
(I want to thank Lani for calling in last night and adding more insight on the topic... you ROCK, girl!)
*smooches...fulfilling my high-brow post requirement for the week*
please feel free to add in your own personal experiences, thoughts and even questions regarding this matter... intellectual dialogue is more than welcome over here.
we promise not to giggle in your face... :D
Monday, September 22, 2008
But enough about you, here's what's doing with me:
Tune In Tonight
Jack and I are Single and Fabulous (exclamation point), but not for lack of trying to find a mate. We even went looking for love online *GASP! SHOCK! HORROR!*
So tonight on Monday Musings w/The Jaded NYer and Friends, we're going to talk about the ins and outs of internet dating.
Because we know you all secretly have profiles out there, hoping wishing praying, like us, that you'll meet that one normal person in a database filled with narcoleptic, toothless, lazy-eyed crazies.
I hope to hear from you all tonight.
"Operation: Kill The Beast" A Success!
A bunch of things up and died in my fridge, and for a while me and the babies kept ignoring it. Until we couldn't anymore because whatever it USED TO BE dissolved into a nasty, liquidy mess that spilled all over the place, and the stench even penetrated the freezer.
And since I STILL don't have a wife, I had to just suck it up, put on a mask and clean that bitch out. Well, actually, I had the babies clean it out... it's time those heifers pulled their weight around here! Child labor laws my ass...
Now, my fridge is sparkly white and smells like clean. It makes the food in there look tons more appetizing than before!
You Can Go Home Again
Saturday I took K to the Citywide HS Fair. At Brooklyn Tech. Wow. It was emotional for me and I didn't really think it would be.
There were the staircases where JACK and I would start trouble, the cafeteria where we played spades instead of going to class, the downstairs gym with the elevated track where evil gym teachers would make ME run and run and run.
And the gate that locked the staircase to the basement area where the supply room was, the supply room that held all the theodolites and stuff us civil engineers needed for surveying in the park. (I could have sworn I heard Mr. Peemoeller yelling at me all of a sudden... how many paces to the first benchmark again?? *shudder*)
And get this fellow Technites: the Academy diner/coffee shop? STILL THERE!!! I totally almost cried tears of joy. All of a sudden I could taste the cinnamon raisin bagels w/ butter and jelly and hot chocolate I used to buy every morning instead of getting to first period on time. (Jeez... how did I ever graduate?)
ANNNNND- JACK... you'll never guess who's still teaching there... HOFTEIZER!!! I almost died when I saw his name in the directory... AAAAACK!!!
Damn, She's My Daughter Alright...
Nerd girls that we are, me and the babies were playing this game to see who could name all the U.S. States based on their postal abbreviations.
Both were doing pretty well, until K got stuck on WV.
She could not, for the life of her figure it out.
Finally, when I gave her the hint that it was "two words" she says:
"OH! West Virginia!! No wonder I didn't get it... it's so small and insignificant..."
*smooches...hoping she doesn't talk like that outside of the home*
what will people think of my parenting skills??
pshhhh... like I care...
Friday, September 19, 2008
And thanks the the free Box O' Books I received from Kelly last week I'm in a position to do so.
The first book up for grabs is titled, "Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir" by Janice Erlbaum.
The jacket reads: At fifteen, sick of her unbearable and increasingly dangerous home life, Janice Erlbaum walked out of her family's Brooklyn apartment and didn't look back... A wry, mesmerizing portrait of being underprivileged, underage, and underdressed in 1980s New York City...
And NO it's not about anyone I know, but I've read the first few chapters and so far and it's pretty interesting. I'll be done with it by the end of the weekend so this is how long this giveaway will last. I'll even post my review over at Stranger Than Fiction.
This time I won't make the contest all about me- after all, we're talking about literature here, so let's try and be a little bit high-brow and act like we have some sense.
The rules are simple: I'm going to feature a passage from a major literary work below. The first person to correctly identify it and its author in the comments section will win the book. If no one gets it then, oh well, I keep the book or give it to my local library:
---After they had eaten, Ralph and the biguns set out along the beach. They left Piggy propped up on the platform. This day promised, like the others, to be a sunbath under a blue dome. The beach stretched away before them in a gentle curve till perspective drew it into one with the forest; for the day was not advanced enough to be obscured by the shifting veils of mirage. Under Ralph's direction, they picked up a careful way along the palm terrace, rather than dare the hot sand by the water. He let Jack lead the way; and Jack trod with theatrical caution though they could have seen an enemy twenty yards away. Ralph walked in the rear, thankful to have escaped responsibility for a while.---
I know, I know, it's not a TShirt or a calendar or an autographed photo of me, but books are our friends! So play along, okay?
Otherwise I'll have to post THAT video again... don't make me... I will...
Okay, okay.. you've been a patient and good audience. I won't repost the video, but I *will* reward you with THIS blog post someone sent me on Twitter. Enjoy!
(WARNING: post is NOT safe for work)
*smooches...looking forward to a very productive weekend*
K has a HS fair at my Alma Mater, I'm working on my thesis, and then I'm meeting The Girls for a run in the park.
I know, right?!
I'll be sure and take pics of me in the ambulance AND in the emergency room...
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I'm letting comments and compliments on this blog turn me into some Martin Lawrence-type slapstick comedian, and that's so not cute. What it is, actually, is a recipe for disaster and "cancellation."
So lets everybody take a deep breath and get back to business as usual, okay?
Lily Allen - Friend of Mine
(I love it when the British make reggae songs... it's like a guilty pleasure)
Sooooo, tonight I have my second shrink appointment. Last week when she squeezed me in for the emergency Monday night session, she said she would continue to see me ONLY if I agreed to actually open up about the things that were bothering me, because that's the only way she'd be able to help me get out from under this cloud.
DAMMIT, WOMAN! Can't you see that is the very core of what's wrong with me? Where did you go to school again???? I mean really- what's a girl gotta do around here to get some understanding?!?!
And she's Latina, too, so I know she knows how "we" are. I honestly think if my family knew I was in therapy they'd be whispering about me so loudly that I could hear it from the floor in my bathroom in Greenwood.
Maybe I can spell it out: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPEN UP! I was always taught to keep house business in the house and to deal with shit on my own because in the end we all die alone (nice thing to tell a kid, right?!) and that crying was for weak little babies.
(Although it taught me how to take care of myself and shield myself from the world and be able to survive.)
And let's not even get into the barrels and barrels of SHAME the Catholic Church has had delivered to my house from 1980 until this very day; I can't seem to shake them fools no matter how many one night stands I have or heart-stopping drugs I take. Because Catholicism is a disease in my soul so advanced that cancer looks at it and gets shook!
But guess who's tired of feeling bad?
Of just surviving?
Guess who's tired cracking jokes all the live long day like some fucking Sambo, instead of dealing with the realness?
Guess who's tired of crying on the inside?
Raquel. Not "The Jaded NYer" not "The Voices" but RAQUEL!!!
I don't know... maybe I'll give her a little bit. Maybe I'll talk about my indifference towards men and how it ruins every and any potential relationship that comes my way before it even starts. Maybe I'll talk about the sadness that still surrounds me whenever I think about Grandma, even though she passed away so long ago. Or maybe I'll clue her into the fact that my horribly horrific financial decisions have crippled me to the point where I've painted myself into a proverbial corner with paint that's taking a really, really long time to dry.
I'll tell you what, though-- I'm definitely NOT touching upon my relationship with Mami, even though I'm sure that's the key to it all, because I'm not ready to open that can of worms yet. I have to take baby steps or I might explode all over her office, and I'm pretty sure my co-pay won't cover the cleaning crew.
And I love that you all sit through all my tantrums and politically incorrect tirades, and can still appreciate what I have to say and understand what it is I'm trying to do. Really, I do. If I didn't have you guys I seriously would be in Bellevue, no joke- a real live Girl, Interrupted and shit.
Only louder and in Spanglish.
Gilberto Santa Rosa - Pensando En Ti
*smooches...glad to have gotten that out of the way*
now maybe I can breathe a little better and get off this damn couch. At least on weekdays.
on another note, someone is "following" this blog, even though I don't know what that means and did not add the "follow me" widget that blogger keeps trying to push... I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, but what is this "follow me" shit?
y'all gonna have me looking over my shoulder on the way home...
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Click Here For My Show!!
It took me a minute to edit it and get it right, because as previously mentioned, Mari and I are dorks who stayed on the line after the show had stopped streaming, oblivious to the fact that we were still being recorded!!
Yes. I, The Jaded NYer pulled a Jesse.
My mic was hot and I was too busy patting myself on the back to notice!
After sweating about it and checking to see what tomfoolery we were caught on tape saying, I finally heard back from Blog Talk Radio's customer service who oh-so-kindly let me know that this was, in fact, fixable.
Because god forbid you all know how nervous I was and that my hands were shaking the whole time. Or that Mari was regretting that she didn't ask clnmike for some Purple Drank because to us, when you mention Georgia, we automatically think of "syrup."
And just a lil FYI for you, coming soon on The Jaded NYer... I'm working on an online store. Actually I'm working on understanding how to make one and have it available to y'all. It will most likely launch in November, just in time for the holidays:
Because nothing says, "Merry Christmas, Grandma" like an "IN YOUR FACE, RUSSIA!" TShirt* from Jaded Tees.
Jaded Tees. That has a nice ring to it.
*smooches...definitely feeling at about 75% at this point...*
...thanks, in part, to all of you.
love you lots!!!
*thanks to Jack for the TShirt slogan... we make a great team!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
ME: Are they talking about me again?
(K falls out laughing in the background all loud n shit)
N (sarcastically): Yes, they are talking about you. You are perfectly seasoned all-white meat...
*smooches...wondering why I ever introduced those two to sarcasm*
but quietly, can McDonald's please stop talking about me? sheesh!
as for my radio debut... the show itself went well, but there were some slight technical difficulties at the end. As in, Mari and I kept talking on the line, and it was all recorded. After I edit it I will post for those who could not tune in.
For those who did, thanks a million bunches!!!
Monday, September 15, 2008
11:00 PM on Blog Talk Radio.
I promise we WILL have something to talk about on the show.
Not like on the blog today, which is, um, sparse.
I mean, I had a great weekend with Mari in DC, but you know what? It's really none of your business. Especially not the part about almost getting kicked out of the museum because Mari felt the need to touch the art that said "PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH."
Does that sound harsh? It does, right... hmmm... I'm finding it difficult to care right about now. But I will give you this- Mari gave me the most awesomest gift: an autographed copy of The Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. Because she met him.
But yeah, I'm gonna leave it at that for now... maybe another day I'll recount the fun we had, a sort of post-poned weekend update or something. As of right now, I just want to enjoy my memories all by myself if you don't mind.
Oh and it's the beginning of Hispanic Heritage Month. Last year I gave you all something to do everyday during the month to celebrate Latino Culture.
This year... eh... you're all grown ass folks. Find your own crap to do. Or don't.
*smooches...wondering how I got so burnt out all of a sudden*
my mood swings are getting worse and worse.
but hey- I'm nothing if not self-aware... maybe I need another break...
Friday, September 12, 2008
Her name is BeBe (pronounced like that Winans
And can I also mention the cutie who was sitting next to me who was asking about the bike?? Very "Antonio Banderas" from Desperado, with an accent and everything... At first he was complimenting the bike. Then he wanted to know where he can get WiFi in the Slope. Then I stopped listening because I was picturing him naked.
He also told me where he lives (near the Avenue I stop) so maybe I need to ride BeBe down his block ala Ducky from Pretty in Pink...
OK, enough cyber-drooling. Let's get on with the show, err, post.
Man, I can hardly remember the last time I was out of NYC... oh, wait- yes I do! It was my trip up to MA with the BMW and the vomiting and the bungee jumping. Damn that shit was fun.
Anyway, that was hella long ago.
So I'm packing my shit and headed to DC to visit my baby sis; I need a fucking break from Brooklyn. I mean, I love this place, even more so now that I got BeBe, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, man, I just need to go!
Anastacia - Overdue Goodbye
Do you realize I've been living in this apartment since '06? My gypsy blood is itching to be OUT already- I can't sit still! That's why I force myself to take these lil breaks... to appease the gypsy. She wants to be out and about, and I gotta be reminding her, "Sweetie-pie, I need to work to pay the bills; I don't have time to go to Mystic this weekend. And NO we cannot go to LA this year so chill the fuck out; we will go in January as planned!"
Yeah... exactly. Bitch be trippin.
So don't look for me in Greenwood this weekend, 'cause I'll be chillin in our nation's capitol, plotting on how I can get Mari to agree to moon the White House with me.
But before I'm out out for real, here's the flier for Monday's radio broadcast. And no, I won't leave y'all hanging this time; I have a standing shrink's appointment for the rest of the year every Monday so (hopefully) there'll be no more breakdowns!
Monday is the start of Hispanic Heritage Month, so we're pushing Jack's show to the 22nd and starting with Mari.. she and I are gonna shoot the shit about DR & Haitian relations, so you know you're gonna want to tune in.
Why? Because Mari is a super smart Cornell graduate who studied this shit, and I'm a super smart MFA holder who lived this shit. So basically, we know our shit.
Just listen, okay? Damn!
*smooches...so outta here that it ain't even funny*
there's something so soothing about being able to say, "I'm going away for the weekend." Ahhhh, I needed that so bad.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
But at the precipice of my recent "down cycle" which began this weekend, I went back to my girl Ani for a quick pick-me-up, and came across this kick ass poem she wrote, one I used to listen to over and over and over:
Self Evident - Ani DiFranco
I have a serious girl-crush on her. For real.
*smooches...with love for Ani so deep you'd think I was her lover*
as a matter of fact, let me check her tour schedule. It's been a minute since I've seen her live...
no matter what's troubling me in my life, it's nothing that can't be healed with a little Ani in my life... and a John Cusack movie mini-marathon ;)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
So on with our regularly scheduled program, already in progress...
The Best Thing About Lani...
...is that she always has new and inventive ways of cracking me up. At the recent NYC Bloggers' Brunch in the City (you can see pics on Eb's and The F$%k It List's pages) she pulled out her camera to take a picture.
And it was encased in a sock.
MANNNNNNN, I ain't NEVER laugh so hard. The best part is that she's so GANGSTA with it!! Damn I love that girl!!
So Long Shea!
Unless someone wants to show their appreciation for this blog in the form of Mets tickets, Sunday's game was my last time ever at Shea Stadium.
*tear drops from left eye*
It was an interesting game, mostly because of the bunches and bunches of Phillies fans in the house. I was like WTF? Who let them in? So you can already imagine there was a ruckus in the stands
and evil chantings of "Phillies SUCK!" and "Overrated" whenever Rollins was at bat, and the tons of "BOOOOOOs" throughout. And god bless her, N was up there booing with everybody else! OOH that's my baby.
K was busy working on her second book 'cause she's not really into sports like me and N. Yeah, you read correctly- SECOND BOOK. 'Cause that's MY baby, too.
Oh- and did you know Kid Rock was a Phillies fan?
But want to know what else was special about that night? Besides the fact that Johan was pitching (and won!) the game?
And the fact that early on, the Phillies coach got thrown out for arguing with the umpire? And that Delgado knocked the shit outta few balls, like the power hitter that he is?
We got a Johan Santana bobblehead at the gate- they were giving one to every kid that night. WOOHOO!!! I finally got my man!!
So okay... all jokes aside... who's taking me to the home games vs the Cubs later on this month? Stop playin and buy the tickets already!
Y'all Thought I Was Joking About That Nekkid Shit
When K called me to say the books Kelly sent had arrived- and that the box was heavy- my workday just zoomed by in a flash. I only had one thought on my mind: GO OPEN THAT BOX!!
After I looked through all those lusciously new books, bindings intact, fresh, unread titles, I think I heard a choir of angels singing "Joy to the World."
As a way to pay it forward, I will be offering up some of the titles, after I read them of course, to you guys next week. That's right- I'm pulling an Oprah on y'all and will try and get you to read more muthafuckin books.
Stephanie Meyer Has My Baby By The Throat
K has read Twilight and New Moon and Eclipse at least three times each because she loves them so... and she refused to read anything else until she got a hold of Breaking Dawn (which I just bought for her last night). She even went so far as to working around the apt on Saturday to earn the book. Like for real.
I think she inherited an addiction to reading, sort of like a crack baby, only with books instead. My poor baby... if her father and I hadn't been so busy reading in front of her and to her, we might have been able to spare her this fate.
But alas, every night, while her classmates are probably glued to their TV sets and Nintendo Wiis, K is on my bed. Reading a book.
I blame myself...
*smooches...wondering if you caught that backdoor compliment I just gave myself*
I guess now I have to take her to see the movie, too...
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
This is just a tiny update to let y'all know I'm a little bit better because:
1- a bunch of you left nice/funny comments or called or IMd with offers of mind altering treats, prayers, hugs, someone to talk to and of course, the best ever: free food.
2- I have a lead on a bike, a folding bike, with 26" wheels and I can go see it/buy it on Wednesday at 7PM. I have chills just thinking about it.
3- The shrink agreed with me, emphatically, that I need to leave my job post haste, because it is absolutely making me physically ill and depressed.
4- I finally saw "The Bicycle Thief" and realized what people were talking about all these years. This movie was so freakin' good that even K fell in love with it, and she's a moody 13 year old!
5- Longtime reader and all-around cool BK chick Kelly just informed me that a box o' books is on its way to me. As in a whole box of free books. I think when they get here I'm gonna spread them out on the bed and roll around on them nekkid as the day I was born...
So even though I'm only about 7% better, it's enough to keep me from beating the old lady from next door with her stupid walker... I just don't like how she looks at me... I feel like she's calling me a ni**er under her breath every time I pass by...
*smooches...realizing why it is that I blog*
all this love and affection should be illegal!
Monday, September 08, 2008
...is what I was looking like at 4:35AM this morning. I got up specifically at that time to catch up on some stuff- housework, writing, etc. But when I began to approach each mini-project, this sense of doom mixed in with sleep deprivation and anger and helplessness and just AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
So I called in sick. And I called my old shrink.
What scares me the most is my ability to- even with this feeling in my gut that made me physically ill this morning to the point where I was checking the calendar, curious if my cycle was changing on me yet again- still compose myself as if nothing is wrong.
Like after I made the appointment with the shrink I called this state agency to check on some health insurance options in the event that I decide this job is toxic and I need to leave. And then I called the jerky neuro to let him know that he fucked up and needed to make it right (and SUPER HUGE BIG THANKS to BAM who advised me on how to get the proper care I was entitled to through my insurance carrier... so amazingly awesome of you!!!).
I even went grocery shopping and did not freak out when A) the self check out machine was acting a fool (although I may have threatened to beat the shit out of it) and B) I discovered that my debit card was not in my wallet. I had to go all the way back home and come all the way back. That's like 12 blocks in total for those of you not familiar with my neighborhood.
But then I took one item off my plate and dropped off some laundry- just the linen, which only cost me $4 more than if I'd done it myself, saving me time and a little bit of sanity. And then I got the most comforting email from Jack reminding me that it's OK to say "no."
Still, I feel like this ticking time bomb. Like, I know I kid about climbing a clock tower and taking some people out but this morning, seriously, I felt like I could have. For Real. Scary shit, right?
*smooches...with a few screws loose and a couple of lost marbles*
I have posts scheduled for the week so the blog will go on, but don't expect any "real time" stories from me for a couple of days while I quiet The Voices, and don't be mad if I'm ghost from your site. I'll be busy trying to steer clear of the COO-COO house.
and for those who wondered WHY I have like 13 emergency drafts saved at all times... see? It's for times like this, when my brain explodes, so that I can still maintain some semblance of normalcy somewhere.
Lani took me to one bike store where they were talking some $500 for a new bike, and I had to give the shop keep the one and only stank face. $500?? I can buy a whole car for that in Queens, so excuse me if I don't jump at the chance to pay out my ass for your over-priced bike.
I went to another bike shop in the East Village and same thing- $500 for the bike I wanted.
So I decided- I'm not above getting a used bike. I'm not looking to impress anyone, I just need some wheels.
Enter the ever-trusty, mostly-shady Craigslist.
I looked through the few ads for folding bikes in the tri-state area and responded to a few. One in particular, located in the West Village, was the size of a regular Mountain Bike and was only $150. SCORE! Except, no- he had already sold it. *bummer*
And here's where a routine email exchange turned into another episode of The Jaded NYer:
MY INITIAL EMAIL TO BIKE OWNER: oh please please please tell me this bike is still available! I've been searching forever, and I can pick it up any day this week after work, cash in hand.
HIS EMAIL TO ME: Darn, Wish I had seen your email earlier. You seem like the right person to have it..sorry
Nice name by the way
I WROTE BACK: aww... that's okay. Thanks for writing back (and for the compliment); some people wouldn't have bothered.
Pretty normal, right? Well last Wednesday, I get this message via Facebook:
"are you the same Raquel Penzo that was trying to buy a bike?"
To which I replied:
"Yes- which bike is yours and is it still available? (because I answered a bunch of ads)"
Then he replied:
Re: folding bicycle
Hi Raquel, My bike was the folding Montague that was sold. I said you had a nice name. Just did a search for your name because I was wondering if you'd pop up. The reason I wished I had sold it to you, was because of your writing. It caught my eye, and I could tell you really wanted it. Little did I know you're a writer. Everyone else, I didn't respond to after it was sold. I'm in NYC editing a film for the next few months. If you're ever in the Village or downtown and want to grab a drink...let me know.
WTF? The folks on Twitter had a blast with this one, laughing at me and my new "stalker." I entertained meeting him for like half a second, you know, to kinda have an "in" for when I'm ready to work on my film, and because he might know John Cusack. But the consensus was: HE'S A PSYCHO. So I replied with:
I'm flattered that you went through all that, but will pass on the offer.
Enjoy your stay in NYC, and good luck with your film.
He has not contacted me- thank goodness- but why is it that I always get the online stalkers? Is it something I'm putting out there?
*smooches...still looking for the perfect folding bike*
and another thing... dude has my number; I foolishly included it in my initial email to him, thinking I was sure to get the bike before anyone else... trust me- lesson learned!!
Sunday, September 07, 2008
His Inner "Slap A Bitch" Came Out
This video has been making the rounds, so I thought I'd share:
Can you blame old boy, though? I mean, yeah, boys are taught not to hit girls... but that heifer right there was asking for it! Here's the explanation of what went down, courtesy of ultrabrown and The Times of India:
“This incident occurred four months ago. The participants of the show had to pass through the litmus test of abuses and spats. And it was all scripted! We were all given our parts where 70 per cent was to be said as is and 30 per cent would be improvisations,” says Ravi. “There was this girl called Isha opposite me who was supposed to abuse me and I was to retaliate, but calmly. After a while when it came to improvisations, I presume she was out of words and came and slapped me hard. I was shocked and in the heat of the moment, I slapped her back. That led to the entire unit of about 70 people jumping on me beating me black and blue. It was a miracle in itself that I managed to escape from there,” he says.
*smooches...also asking myself, "HOW CAN SHE SLAP?!?!"*
man... when he started crying I almost fell out of my chair... BUT HOW CAN SHE SLAP, SIR?!?! LMAOOOOOOOOOOO
Friday, September 05, 2008
So this is the official notice. If you do not listen to my show, the friendship will officially be on the rocks and I'm not even playing!
WHAT: Monday Musings with The Jaded NYer
WHEN: Monday nights at 11:00PM starting September 8th
WHY: Why? Muthafucka... what you mean WHY? because I'm the SHIT and you know it. So just listen and stop frontin' like you won't have the lotion and tissues by the bed while my voice wafts in through your monitor speakers...
First up... INTERNET DATING! Ahh yes, that topic we all speak of in hushed tones as if we were divulging the details of a wild night on the farm with some barn animals. But are all secretly doing it... so stop lying and DEE-nying and let's just talk about it already, shall we?
Jack will help me facilitate...
You can check out my Blog Talk Radio profile here for more information on upcoming show segments, and I swear on all that is holy and unholy on this here earth- if y'all stand me up... OOOH lord help you...
*smooches...thinking maybe this ad campaign came out all wrong*
maybe what I meant to say was: please listen; I'd be ever so grateful!
and don't laugh at my flyer... my photoshop skills are a work in progress... just be happy it wasn't a bunch of stick figures n shit! lol
Thursday, September 04, 2008
A weekend update on Thursday? Hell the fuck yeah. Why- you have a problem? Take it up with the complaint department... OH WAIT- there is no complaint department because I don't really give a rat's ass...
I was meeting Irene for a mini-girls' night of bra shopping and food eating, but first I had to drop in on the Farmers' Market in Union square. Nothing was really catching my eye until HELLO- WINE TASTING!!
They were all like, "support your local wineries" and I'm like, "yes, please, I'll try them ALL." Then I walked away with a $14 Cabernet Sauvignon; my contribution to the local economy.
Who wants to come over and help me drink it down??
Then, at Macy's, where they were having a "Buy 2, Get One Free" bra sale, I fell in love with Maidenform bras. Unlike VS underwear, my entire breasts fit into the cups of these bras so perfectly... it's like it was made just for me. I might have to break up with Vicky until she comes out with something just as comfortable!
Finally, we ended up at The Chip Shop on Atlantic Avenue, where many of the menu items are greasy as hell and deep fried. My kind of place! Irene was tamer then me and had the Shepherd's Pie with chips; I had this MASSIVE plate of chicken curry with mash. YO- this plate was bigger than my HEAD! Try as I might, I could not finish the entire thing... *sigh*
Oh, BTW, Eb- here's my "Shot Face"
In my defense- they served me the shot in a regular glass- not a shot glass- so what you see here is me trying to salvage some of the whiskey trying to escape down the sides of my cheeks! I'm usually not this messy until the 5th shot...
Babies were due back to me by 7PM. I had a list of stuff I wanted to accomplish before they showed up... but then I thought I heard a strange noise coming from the sofa. When I approached it cautiously to investigate the strange noise, one of the cushions jumped up, grabbed me and FORCED me to lay down and take one of the sweetest naps known to man.
Some time around five I went grocery shopping. They arrived at 7-ish.
I didn't make the turkey chili like I wanted to, but instead made the yummiest fish tacos EVER. So yummy in fact that they were asking for seconds. Imagine it-- fresh tilapia fillets cooked in medium salsa and adobo, layered in a taco shell with diced carrots, shredded cheese and a teeny bit of more salsa. YUM-O!
Listen, I'm just an awesome cook. Deal with it.
It was nice to have them home... nice to have someone to cook for again. I've been ordering take-out or eating Cheerios all summer... but don't tell anyone I said so.
We all had a case of the LAZIES; no one wanted to shower or wash their hair,
and NO ONE wanted to deal with no stupid laundry, either. The couch still had me by the throat BUT we needed to get Ns school supplies, some more groceries (because I shop at like 4 different stores to make sure I get the best deals on everything), and still make it to Coney Island by 5PM for the Brooklyn Cyclones' game against the Hudson Valley Nobody's. (No, that's not their names, but whatever. That's what I call them).
But because the LAZIES had a hold of us, we didn't leave to go shopping until 2PM, did a lot more walking than we anticipated IN THE HEAT, had a stank run in with a cab driver ($20 from Atlantic Mall to Greenwood? You're MOTHER is gonna pay $20 you fucking thief! It costs me less than that to get home from Minnie's house. And she's all the way in Bed-Stuy!), and didn't make it to the game until 6:30-ish.
But it was all good. We won the game 3-1
The babies even got to run the bases on the field afterwards!
The plan was to do laundry for real for real, because I had nothing to wear to work on Tuesday. It was supposed to be laundry, take out Ks braids, blow out Ns hair, go clothes shopping for N and then drop in at Minnie's impromptu BBQ before heading back home for "Beauty Night" which is where I give the babies facials and mani-pedis (just 'cause I'm not a girlie-girl doesn't mean they can't enjoy that stuff!).
That was the plan.
So at like 4:30PM when we finally walked out of the house and made it back to the Atlantic Mall, where I proceeded to buy an outfit for work the next day and we spent way too much time perusing the aisles, because when we finally arrived at Minnie's, all the food was gone!
We still hung out, made the best of the lil bit that was left behind (plus Titi Gloris showed up with some arroz con pollo that the babies devoured) and chilled. So much so that we got home too late to have beauty night.
So we had it on Tuesday night instead:
*smooches...sad to see the summer go away*
but I guess fall isn't too bad... I have a few things I'm looking forward to: friends coming to visit, a trip to Florida and the BIG EATING HOLIDAYS... so it's all good
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
HER SWEET LIL BABY HAS ENTERED INTO PUBERTY!!!!!
Yes, her cuddly, snugly little eight-year-old Schmuckin LaWooken, within a year's time, will most likely... OH GOD WE CAN'T EVEN TYPE IT...
*falls down dead*
They went to the doctor, to inquire about a worrisome lump on Ns left side. The Jaded NYer spent most of the night crying her eyes out thinking the worst- (The Big C)- and she didn't fall asleep until maybe 4AM. But the lump, the doctor informed her, was nothing more than the child, the lil baby girl, developing.
We (The Voices) are not sure how long The Jaded NYer will be in this coma, so for the time being we will be speaking on her behalf.
We appreciate your time and patience. And prayers. (Even if she is a heathen)
*smooches...because that's how she usually ends her posts*
(I think she also ads a post script after the smooches)
(really? what does she write?)
(I'm not really sure, but I've seen her do it)
(should We add one?)
(not unless we have something to say... if you ask me it's just a bullshit gimmick)
(dammit, Clementine, I think your mic is still on)
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Well I cancelled that leg muscle shit because frankly, I didn't feel like doing it. And do you know this fool caught and ATTITUDE with me? Excuse me, you limey bastard, but I don't have to come see you if I don't want to, so please do me a supreme favor and chill the fuck out!
But I had to admit, my head was still a bit achy and I did feel stiffness in my neck and shoulders, so I decided to make the appointment for the physical therapist and fill the Rx.
DO YOU KNOW that that fakakte physical therapist would not see me that day because he couldn't reach anyone at Blue Cross/Blue Shield to verify my coverage???? So I basically sat in that waiting room filling out 3 trillion forms for him to send me on my way pending verification of my medical coverage.
And then the next day called me to say that he did finally reach someone but he does not deal with the HMO so he cannot see me unless I pay out of pocket. WORD?!?! Guess who told him to fuck off? That's right- ME!
So I was like, FINE, I'll just get these damn muscle relaxers- even though I LOATHE to take pills- until I can make the time to go to a spa on the regular (or get me a man) and release the tension in my neck and shoulders.
The first pharmacy I went to acted like it would be ready in 45 minutes, but when I came back for it they were like, "Oh, no, sorry. We don't have any. We'd have to order it." So I snatched the Rx from her hands and informed her that I'd just go elsewhere.
The second pharmacy informed me, after me having to wait another 25 minutes, that my insurance did not cover that specific drug. And did I want the Rx back. FOR WHAT? TO WIPE MY ASS WITH IT? Because that's all it was good for at this point!
I GIVE UP!!!!
I will never find a physician or specialist or ANY medical professional for that matter, who knows what the fuck he/she is doing and treats me with respect. So the fuck what you went to medical school. AND? Your time is more precious than mine? I have to sit here and take your condescending bullshit because it says "M.D." after your name? Nuh-uh, asshole... you and your buddies can all go SUCK IT, because The Jaded NYer- no fuck that: RAQUEL I. PENZO is done with the whole lot of you.
Here is the message I left for that neuro on Friday, after I stormed out of the Walgreen's:
Hi, this is Raquel Penzo. I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Willer on September 2nd, but I'm calling to cancel because 1- I never got to see the physical therapist he sent me to on account of him not being covered by my insurance and no. 2, the pharmacy informed me that the meds he prescribed to me were also not covered by my insurance. And frankly, I'm not paying out of pocket for something I never wanted in the first place. So as you can see, there is nothing to follow up on. Unless this is absolutely mandatory, Dr. Willer will NOT be seeing me on Tuesday.
Did that sound stank enough?
I sure hope so...
*smooches...resolved to use Vick's vapor rub for all my ailment from here on out*
I am too through with doctors. And don't even get me started on the idiots at the pediatrician's office who called to complain about a claim that was denied for K in June. If it happened in June, why are you just calling me NOW about it, as if I'm some sort of delinquent? Bitch, don't call here no more...