Monday, June 30, 2008

It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

There are too many details flying around in my head from this weekend, so I need to compose myself and get the words right.

In the meantime, here's another page from my journal; something I wrote about two months ago after taking a nice stroll through my hood:

*****

I love Brooklyn.

The diversity, the architecture, the history, the culture and all the kitchy little enclaves you can discover on an impromptu walk.

I've lived in other cool places: Long Island, Riverdale, Jamaica, and even upstate for a bit (I'm choosing to erase any and all memories of my 9-month stint in New Jersey..), but I have to say, even with its limited transportation options and lack of West Indian Food eateries, I really truly like my neighborhood.

Which is not really much of a hood per se- it's more like a quiet suburb tucked away from the mean streets of the Brooklyn many people picture it is in their heads:





















*smooches...willing to live here forever if Park Slope remains out of reach*
----------
...you probably think this ruins my street cred, but don't be fooled! I'm straight GANGSTA... lol, okay, maybe not...

Saturday, June 28, 2008

By The Time You Read This...

...I'll be halfway to Boston.

Can you say, "ROAD TRIP!!!"

Yup, even with the crazy gas prices, we drivin up to New England to hang with the party posse. And of course by "we drivin" I mean somebody else is drivin because, well, no one wants me behind the wheel. Something about me not having a license or knowing how to drive. HMPH! Details, details... I can ride the hell out of a bike, though! LOL

But this is my long, drawn out way of saying that I'm instituting a mandatory 24HR internet silence so that I can party in peace. This means no emails and no Sunday blog post... I know, I know, but you'll be okay, I promise! I have TONS AND TONS of archived posts.

First of all, in honor of my sweet honey-bear's birthday (TODAY!), here's a post I wrote about him last year. Everything I wrote then still applies today. He will always be the love of my life. ALWAYS!

Here's one I wrote about the time I had a mouse in my apartment. And here's another I wrote about Mr. Baseball (and here's the one I wrote about how I finally had to end it with him, despite the fact he was a great kisser and had the best fucking body EVER!). And OOOH, make sure you read this top ten list... I had loads of fun writing it!

Then of course you have to revisit the Perfect Man post; that was a fun one. And the letter I wrote to my reproductive organs, too. Finally, why not take a peek at what started it all- the very first Jaded NYer post?

There, that should keep you good and busy until I stumble back home after causing more damage to my liver. Just consider this post the equivalent of a clip show. You know, the episode of your favorite show they air when they need a filler episode? The one the writers phoned in? Yeah, this is the Clip Show episode of The Jaded NYer...

But just think of the tales I'll have for you on Monday!

*smooches...so happy that it is officially SUMMER*
-----------
you know the best part about living in NYC? Leaving it from time to time, and then coming back with full appreciation of your hometown.

peace n hair grease, y'all... see you Monday!

Friday, June 27, 2008

Bitch-Ass-BITCHES!!!

Dear Regal Union Square Stadium Movie Theater,

NEVER, in my 30+ years of movie going, have I witnessed such UNPROFESSIONALISM in a theater.

IN MY LIFE!

And trust me when I say I've been to some ghetto ass theaters (Court Street Cinemas, I'm looking at you...).

You had us out there on line for TWO FUCKING HOURS, in this muggy-ass weather, and PROMISED that we were ticket holders who would, in fact, be getting in to see the movie.

And then, right when we are at the door we realize.. no, no, you're a fucking liar.

CLEARLY there were more bodies than seats. CLEARLY. But you kept insisting that "all ticket holders would get in."

If it weren't for the fact that Lani and I could have a good time in a Turkish prison, we would have been angrier at your bullshit NON-apology and even more bullshittier offer at reserve seats for Monday's show, and that whole place would be burned to the ground right now!

I can reserve seats for you for Monday's show MY ASS! Who's coming back on Monday? YOUR MOTHER is coming back on Monday!!!

I'm certain that I speak for Lani, too, when I say FUCK you and your stupid piece of shit theater.

You will never see another red cent from me EVER!!

Sincerely,
The Jaded NYer


*smooches...only because the piƱa coladas helped to calm us down*
------------
seriously, though, I've attended free screenings of movies for a hot minute now and this has never happened at the other movie houses. but this bitch-ass theater... yeah, they just lost a customer for good...

people, we are now boycotting this theater... on 13th and Bway, right next to the Virgin Records in Union Square. DO NOT GIVE THEM YOUR MONEY!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

In My Dictionary, Pt. 6

New terms for you, courtesy of Cathi and Jack:

Elephanus: adj. someone who is so ugly that they resemble lipstick on an elephant's ass.

How to use it in every day speech:

That elephanus drag queen just needed to be off the stage!

Gay Thug: noun. A mythical creature, akin to the unicorn

Use like this:

I'll let you drive my car when Gay Thugs rule the earth.

Anorsexia: noun. Condition characterized by a bottom's refusal to eat when anticipating sex

Proper usage:

Frank is such a whore! All week he's had a serious case of anorsexia, and with different dudes, too!

*smooches...too giddy about the kids leaving to write another word*
-----------
SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!!!!
SCHOOL'S OUT FOR EVER!!!
SCHOOL'S BEEN BLOWN TO PIECES!!!!

sorry 'bout that... kids about to be gone with dad for two weeks starting tomorrow... I can't contain myself...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

HUMBLED!...And Other Musings...

Love the picture posts, eh? Well, here's another (but, sorry- no boob shots this time *wink*).

Isn't He Dead?
Saw this sticker, more than once, on the city streets:



What does that mean? Why has the posse formed? Are they dangerous? Should I be worried? ANDRE! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME???

A Brown AND Black Pair
Some homeless dude just hit the jackpot on MacDonald and Albermarle:



These shoes were just siting outside the Foodtown. Just sitting there. No owners in sight. Unless they were invisible. OMG- INVISIBLE MEN IN LOAFERS!! IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD!! I have to move...

We Ate Their Faces Off
These cupcakes:



were a hit at N's school fair. And I wonder HOW I gained this recent weight. HMPH! Damn bunny rabbit cupcake and its damn marshmallow teeth...

That's RACIST!
Why come the Dominican chicken gotta be "NEGRO" AND have a typo



but the Ecuadorian one is all fancy with cilantro! I'm boycotting!! WHO'S WITH ME?!?!

HUMBLED!
So I've billed myself as the Dominican Julia Childs a few times. Except, yesterday morning I tried to poach an egg



...and it didn't quite work out.

SHUT. UP.

The Only Way To Fix It Is To Start Over
See this woman here:

video

She kept doing that to her hair like every 30 seconds the WHOLE TIME we were on the train. Stuck between stations because of ANOTHER signal problem at Bergen St. I was so annoyed by her fruitless grooming efforts that I almost went off on her. I seriously had to hold back!

Gold Capri Stretch Pants?
Really?



Who was the GENIUS who green-lit the GOLD CAPRI STRETCH PANTS? I have a bitch slap right here with his name on it. What's worse is that she paired it with BLACK STOCKINGS.

What the hell, lady? I just threw up a little in my mouth...

*smooches...armed and dangerous with my camera phone*
-----------
don't ever act a fool in front of me, stranger or not, because I take my phone everywhere, and I'm not afraid to take pictures with it, either!!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Freaks Come Out In The Daytime...

How was everybody's weekend?? Mine? Oh, glad you asked...

FRIDAY.

I was so ready to take the babies out, have them experience some culture, participate in a philanthropic event. But N was all like "My stomach hurts" and they wanted to watch a Kate & Allie marathon. 2-1 vote. So we stayed in and watched the damn Kate & Allie marathon.

I rue the day I ever introduced them to that show! Thank goodness we only have one more season left to watch before we're done.

SATURDAY.

This time, I wanted no excuses, and the Democratic process was thrown out the window. They each had a chore to complete by 1PM because we were going to the MERMAID PARADE at Coney Island. And if you're not familiar with the parade and it's history, freakin' Google it, OK? What I look like, Encyclopedia Brown?

Anyway, we went to the parade and, well, saw parade stuff. See:















Afterwards, we rode the Wonder Wheel



N and her DAMN crazy eyes strike again!




Here's the thing on top of the haunted house ride that I refer to as "Uncle Pete"


View from the top of the Wheel




Then we watched some boardwalk action

...this band from the Brownsville Recreation Center was pretty cool


see them here:
video

the girls seem not very enthused, but in their defense it was crazy hot! The band, however, was on point! Did I ever mention how much I love marching bands? No? Well I do!





(Check out the hateration in my voice on this video... and K giggling in the background... I'm SUCH a bad influence on my own kid!)
video

And finally, I spent MORE money on non-work clothes

(Had to stretched this one so you could read it LOL)




It was a GOOD TIME, though. We ate fried shrimp, corn on the cob, cotton candy; sat and people watched; overheard some PRicans exchange info on some hot acts coming soon to a venue near me (Marc Anthony, Eddie Palmieri, Johnny Pacheco...what? I'm SOOO there!!); and saw one of those little planes advertising BOY GEORGE at Terminal 5 in August. I am there as well...



The best part was that I FINALLY took my "Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder" T-shirt out for a spin, and no one threw red paint on me. Score ONE for the carnivores!

SUNDAY.

Mari Boogerface was in town, so the girls and I met her and Mami in the city for some quick shoe shopping and an early dinner at El Quijote, where N traded me her crabcake for almost half of my steamed mussels, and we had the tastiest coconut sorbet EVER! It was crazy expensive but whatever- you only live once!

On the way home, the babies and I deciced to walk a bit before we hopped on the train (thunderstorm warning be damned!) and came across a stickball game on 19th Street. A real live stickball game (pic isn't so great because DUDE in black got in my shot and then my battery died!)!



GOD- I *heart* this city so much!

Then, of course, came the rains. We still walked it to West 4th, because we're hard-core like that. Even stopped by a street fair over by Sheridan Square, but I suppose the rain gods meant business because it started to POUR and they were like, "Look, bitch. Get thee to a subway PRONTO." So we did.

And when we got home, K made cake. In an effort to NOT gain another 15 pounds, I took a nap while she was baking it. Only to have 2 slices of its fluffy goodness when I inevitably woke up at 10:30PM.

*smooches...really hoping we can save Coney Island*
----------
that place won't be the same without Astroland Park!!

Monday, June 23, 2008

A Moment Of Silence, Please...

...for one of the people who helped me along my Jaded journey, comedian George Carlin, who passed away On Sunday of heart failure.

You can read the full story here.

And in case you've been living in a vacuum and never witnessed his brilliance, I give you, Mr. George Carlin:

WARNING- not safe for work AT ALL!













His comedy will live on forever, reminding us not to take this world, or ourselves, or the Catholic Church too seriously. To question the status quo. And to laugh and laugh and laugh.

*smooches...so sad that I never got to see him in person*
----------
gosh; I'm really not feelin' the circle of life right now.

tomorrow we'll be back with the "Weekend Update"

Sunday, June 22, 2008

My Autobiography Would Sound Like This

I saw this on Bangs and a Bun, and she got it from Starpulse, and it looked like so much fun that I wanted to try it, too: Putting together the soundtrack of my life.

Some of you might know- I'm a movie fanatic, and I have a short film written (that does have a killer soundtrack, too, by the way) and the treatments to a couple of other projects filed away, too. So this was right up my alley!

Except it was SO HARD to limit myself! My whole life has been about music and to narrow it down and fit in all the artists and songs that really move me... WHEW! This was such a chore. But a fun one :)

So here goes:

If your life were a movie, what songs would be on the soundtrack? Copy and paste the list of different scenes below and fill in your answers.

-Opening Credits: Dominicano Soy by Fernandito. What else? This HAS to be in the opening credits.



-Waking Up: Juicy by The Notorious B.I.G., cause EVERY MORNING, no matter where I live, where I end up, I need to BIG UP my home town! WORD!! "Spread love; it's the Brooklyn way"



-Falling In Love: Tu by Juan Luis Guerra y 440. This song is so beautiful and romantic that every time I play it I actually get misty. But please, don't tell anybody. I have a rep to maintain.

(it's the first song in the medley)


-Fight Scene: Back Off Bitch by Guns N Roses. I don't think I even need to elaborate.

(a fan video, but it had the best audio)


-Breaking Up: A Letter to Elise by The Cure. OMG, never in the history of breaking up has there been a better break up song than this. Trust.

(get your tissues)


-Make Up: I'm Still In Love with You by Sean Paul & Sasha. Oh, jeez... this song... I can't even explain what it does to me! But honorable mention to the Alton Ellis version, too, because it's so raw and damn GOOD!



-Secret Love: Say Goodbye by Dave Matthews Band. I talk about my adoration of this song here.

-Life's OK: Walking on Sunshine by Katrina and the Waves. Can you see it? Me, with nothing to complain about? Wearing hot pink Chuck's, black skinny jeans, a trillion black rubber bracelets and my "Save Coney Island" t-shirt, skipping across the Brooklyn Bridge and singing off key. Oh yeah, this would so fit.



-Mental Breakdown: OMG- it would have to be Slave to the Grind by Skid Row! That was always my favorite song to play when I was on the brink. And don't ask me, "On the brink of what?" because trust me- you DON'T want to know...



-Driving Scene: Stomp by The Brothers Johnson. This is the perfect driving song. And if you don't believe me go take out a loan, fill up your tank, find an open road at play that song really loud. It's perfection!



-Flashback: Quiero Ser by Menudo. And not the wack ass Ricky Martin Menudo but the pre-English language album Menudo that used to rock my world. The same Menudo to whose fan club I belonged. SHUT. UP.



-Happy Dance: Are You Gonna Go My Way? by Lenny Kravitz. This. Song. Rocks. PERIOD.



-Regretting: I Want Tomorrow by Enya, because I've always, always, always wanted to use this song in a soundtrack. So why not my own?



-Long Night Alone: Captain Jack by Billy Joel. And yes, this is actually what I play when I'm home alone throwing pity parties for myself. With my precious whiskey...

(warning: if you've never heard the song before, it's over 7 minutes long)


-Final Battle: Let's Go Crazy by Prince. I can totally see myself breaking a beer bottle over somebody's head during the guitar solo. I so can.

Um... now you KNOW His Purple Majesty does not allow his shit on YouTube. Just go play your Purple Rain album, 'cause you know you have one.

-Death Scene: Swan Dive by Ani DiFranco. With lyrics like these:

i'm going to do my best swan dive
into shark infested waters
i'm gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around


...it's hard to NOT include it for the death scene!! Don't you think?



-Final Ending: Over the Hills and Far Away by Led Zeppelin. I listened to this a lot from 6-7PM, on 102.7... gettin' the LED out...way back when in my old BK bedroom. It's fitting for the end of my life.



-End Credits: Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds by the Beatles. Because everyone's end credits should feature a Beatles' song. Every One.

(Yellow Submarine is one bad acid trip, man... love that fucking movie!!)


*smooches...putting together a different list for the Director's Cut*
----------
when I was a kid I always thought to myself, "I just want to be left alone in my room with my records!" but then I saw that Twilight Zone episode, you know, the one with the guy who wanted to be left alone with his books... and then his glasses broke? yeah, that'd be me, except I'd probably go deaf or not have an outlet or batteries for my record player. ARGH!

on another note, if anyone else would like to play along, I'd LOVE to hear your soundtracks, too!

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Monopoly, Anyone?

My babies bought me the cutest gift as a belated mother's day/birthday gift: the Brooklyn version of Monopoly.

It's the sweetest thing ever!



Game pieces include the BK Bridge, the Coney Island Wonder Wheel and a baseball cap, and some of the properties include BAM, Atlantic, Bedford and Franklin Aves, and the uber-expensive Coney Island and Brooklyn Bridge.

Did I mention it's the cutest?? EVER??

So, you're all invited to come over and play like we got money to buy real estate... BYOB, but I'll provide the vittles.

Speaking of babies, did I ever mention how hard it is to get N ready in the morning? No? Well look at what I have to deal with on a regular:



And did I ever mention how much they get a kick out of my underwear? I've never seen two people so enthralled with undergarments in my life! I let K borrow my camera, and when I got it back I found this:



I can't even be mad... I do believe Irene has a picture of me doing the EXACT same thing...

*smooches...feeling a bit better about this mom role the older they get*
----------
the first game we played lasted too long, and had to be interrupted to be continued at a later date. IT'S STILL IN PROGRESS! these girls are addicted AND competitive. chips off the old block...

Friday, June 20, 2008

I've Been Reading Headlines Again

I only do it about 2-3 times a year in a non-job related capacity (because, as Jack pointed out, I do have to read news articles about energy and retiree issues for clients every day... BOOOO!). And sure I read the DR news items daily, but reading US news is like ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

WAIT- on a side note: Ladies, if you love make-up, especially ALMOST FREE make-up visit the e.l.f. site; individual items are ONE DOLLAR!! Nordstroms is redoing the line and wants to sell off anything with the old logo. Use the code CAROLINA at checkout for a 50% off discount.

AND WAIT WAIT- THIS JUST IN: My sister hooked me up with a link to some of the WACKEST Dominican artists... EVER, you hear me? I mean so wack I'm about to start reppin' PR instead!!

Mari has correctly labeled this DR buffoonery, because what else could it be? And I hope this isn't taken the wrong way, but she asked (and I also wondered): Is gay the new straight? Although, frankly, I can't imagine that the gay community would even WANT to claim these fools. Hell I share a heritage with them and *I* don't want to claim them!!

Just feast your eyes on:


Abrahancito



Aleyro Destino



Axel



El Verdadero Feo (word!!)



Freddy Fuente (make sure you peep the frosted mauve lipstick he's rockin')



Kiko El Presidente



Los Reales Negrones (hard core thugs, yo; you betta recognize!)



Marcos, El Negro D'Chocolate



And last but certainly not least, Silvio Mora



Okay, back to the news, as if you can even focus now that half of you are going over to e.l.f. to buy make-up and the other half is throwing up...

Sometimes I see a headline and it grabs me so I roll with it. Like the one about the dude in Italy who kidnapped his girlfriend and forced her to iron his clothes and wash the dishes. No, really. He dragged her out of a local pub, brought her back to his place and threatened her into doing his chores.

Or the one about a Romanian village that re-elected their mayor... except that, um, he's dead. And they knew it when they voted for him. I mean, damn! How bad does the opposition have to be for a DEAD GUY to win an election??

Or the one about Chinese South Africans now being classified as 'black' so that they can benefit from government affirmative action programs. Oh. So it's okay to be black when it suits you, right? Just like in Do the Right Thing when the Korean grocer was all like, "We same! Me you same!" Yeah, right, but if my cousin tried to marry your daughter you'd have ten heart attacks!

But my absolute favorite? That video from Cuba showing the pow-wow between the Castro brothers (NOT to be confused with the Jonas Brothers OR the Naked Brothers Band) and Hugo "MotherFucker" Chavez. With no available audio. Because this is supposed to convince me that Fidel is alive and well and still talking politics so vehemently. Riiiiiight!

Just how stupid do these people think I am? You know when I'll be convinced that Castro is still kickin' it with the living? When he appears in a REAL TIME news conference, speaking words, with his own mouth, standing next to that day's New York Times and reciting the latest items from PerezHilton.com off the internet.

That's when.

*smooches...staying away from headlines for at least another 3 months*
------------
oh yeah, and I think somewhere someone said something about the Celtics winning something... but I forget what... hmmm, guess it wasn't important...

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Sorry I Am... Daydreamin'...

Jack is soooo lucky I love him, because muthafucka TAGGED ME AGAIN, even though when I was tagged before I didn't tag him 'cause I knew he was hella busy and I didn't want to bother him and all... but it's cool. No prob. I'll do the damn tag... BUT I'M ENDING IT HERE!!

Circle, Circle, Dot, Dot, now I have my 'tagged' shot.
Square, Square, Square, Square, now I have it everywhere!


Hey- it works for cooties, I figured it might work on tags as well!!


Next person that tags me WILL feel my wrath, though...


Also, I tried this at work first so it's not my iTunes, just some songs I have on my Media Player... but I got curious and wondered how it would work out on my home computer (TOP answer = work and BOTTOM answer = home). So the nerd in me did it twice.


Because I'm a nerd.


Rules:
1. Put Your itunes/ music player on Shuffle
2.For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the same themselves!


IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
I Don't Want To Be Alone - Aaliyah
Caridad - Gloria Estefan

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
O - Omarion
New Soul - Yael Naim



WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Turn Da Lights Off - Tweet
I Don't Wanna Be Alone - Aaliyah

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Pony - Ginuwine
Frontin' - Pharrel

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
If It's Loving That You Want - Rihanna
PS (I'm Still Not Over You) - Rihanna

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Hurts Me Soul - Lupe Fiasco
No Llores - Gloria Estefan

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Somewhere Here On Earth - Prince
Choux Pastry Heart - Corinne Bailey Rae

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
A Bailar - Gloria Estefan
Touch It - Bustah Rhymes

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Caridad - Gloria Estefan
Let It Ride - Lisa Shaw

WHAT IS 2+2?
Lovestoned - Justin Timberlake
Icarus - Ani DiFranco

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn, & John
Baila Que Baila - Jose Alberto "El Canario"



WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Get Up - Ciara
Viviendo - Marc Anthony

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Touch Me With Your Hands - DJ Jazzy Jeff feat. China Blac
Interested - India.Arie

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Absolutely Nothing - Lily Allen
Say It - Ne-Yo

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Jumpin', Jumpin' - Destiny's Child

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Some Unholy War - Amy Winehouse
San Juan Sin Ti - Luis Enrique

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Si Tu Te Vas - Juan Luis Guerra
When You're Gone - The Cranberries

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Wreckless Love - Alicia Keys
Labios Compartidos - Mana

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
I Will Never Stop Loving You - Charles Cameron, Love Jones Soundtrack!
I Am Somebody - Santana feat. Will.I.Am

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Never Gonna Be The Same - Sean Paul
I Get A Kick Out Of You - Jamie Cullum



WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Saturday (Oooh! Oooh!) - Ludacris
El Ron Es Mi Medicina - Johnny Ventura

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Daydreamin' - Lupe Fiasco feat. Jill Scott
Sorry I Am - Ani Difranco

Isn't it funny how similar yet different the answers are? I love my music...

*smooches...officially done with tags, OKAY?*
-----------
my kids got a real kick out of these answers, especially when that Amy Winehouse came up for what my parents think of me...LOL

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Omar Minaya, You Shady Bastard!

Who fires someone in the middle of the night like that? Coward!!

New York Mets fire manager Willie Randolph*

ANAHEIM, Calif. (AP) - After weeks of speculation that his job was in jeopardy, Willie Randolph finally got fired by the New York Mets while most fans were sleeping.

Randolph was let go in the middle of the night Tuesday, 2 1/2 months into a disappointing season that has followed the team's colossal collapse last September.

Bench coach Jerry Manuel takes over on an interim basis for Randolph, who led the Mets to within one win of the 2006 World Series. They got off to a strong start again last year but plummeted down the stretch and have been unable to rebound.


Read the rest here

*smooches...giving Minaya the SERIOUS side-eye*
----------
I'm not saying Randolph is the best manager out there, but damn- that's how we fire people now-a-days? I'm sick about it...



*article from FOX Sports on MSN

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I Ain't Scurred...

Hey y'all! How is everybody?

Anything new to report? How 'bout that Democratic Nomination bizniz... crazy, huh? Was I the only one channeling Eddie Murphy, talkin' 'bout, "The motherfucker won?" Wow, America. I'm actually shocked. Or did you do this just for kicks? To dangle the carrot on the fishing line and then right when he goes to take a bite *POW* sniper on the grassy knoll?

OH, wait, before I continue- Let's just get a few things out of the way...

First, OMG, I'm sooooo happy to report that BROOKLYN is getting a new IKEA!!!! That's right; no more travelling all the way to Elizabeth or Long Island to shop for stuff I don't really need and that I'll have to build myself. Now I can just hop on the F, get off at 4th Avenue, and catch the shuttle to IKEA. IN BROOKLYN.

You're welcome to come along; Swedish meatballs on me! Okay, wait, that sounded gross... never mind...

NEXT, I want to give a few NUT JOB OF THE YEAR awards to a few people real quick:

To Irene- for having a countdown to my blog return on Twitter! Talk about pressure...

To Mari- for comparing my vacation to the recent Writer's Strike and saying to me, "All right, we get it. You need a break. Now get back to posting."

To Lani- for that photo on your blog... you know the one I mean... don't make me tell your bizniz!

And to Jack- for blatantly and unapologetically rubbing his stupid central air conditioning in my face when I told him I was melting in the heat.

There.

Now, back to the topic at hand... Obama.

Jack made it a point to tell me that I stopped blogging right when history was being made, because B-Ma won the Democratic Nomination (R.I.P Clinton Campaign). And yeah, I guess he's right, but I was less concerned about dude's historical accomplishments and more with The Bet I made with Lani and Mari...

(I'll give you a minute to read the post in the link before I continue...

...

...

...

done? cool!)

But I maintain that everything will be okay; I will not have to date some greasy emo dude in skinny jeans because 1- this is still America, right? Where a black man still can't catch a break, right? Okay, just checking... and 2- emo dudes wouldn't come anywhere NEAR my stank and cranky self. EVER.

So go ahead; vote for Obama all you want. Put his weed-lips-havin' ghetto-ass in the White House. See if I care. See my hand here?





Steady as can be, bitches! I'm not afraid for my rep AT ALL.

*smooches...actually looking forward to election day*
-----------
I'm really curious as to how Mari is gonna pull this off... more power to ya, hon!